Equal bill splitting annoyance

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Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

I always find these threads interesting. Whenever I go out with girlfriends, we argue over who should pay but it’s always one of us trying to pay for the other one. I’ve never come across anyone trying to take the P out of me, or me them. Just bloody rude…

But the flip-side of that thinking is that OP's company is not worth anything to her friends... in fact, she has to effectively pay them to socialise with her. That's not a nice prospect to have to realise.

Are you talking about your own friendship group or making a general point?

My point is she splits the restaurant bill saying it all evens out. But how can it if she consistently drives. So I wondered if they shared the cost of her petrol. That’s equally fair no?

it’s not penny pinching if there’s a big discrepancy. .

If you don’t drink alcohol they really are being very cheeky. I go out fairly regularly with a group of friends and we are always conscious of making sure the drinks bill is split fairly so that those who drink a fair bit pay more… can’t imagine expecting someone who doesn’t drink to pay for my wine! Next time just ask if you can all pay for drinks separately but split the food. If they are genuinely good friends, they won’t mind!

If you are privileged enough not to worry about the money, then you are not being taken advantage of. If you value the friendship more than you value the money, it's not a big deal.

If your friends are continually taking from you - financially, emotionally, whatever - and never giving back, then of course your friendship has no future. If you are mutually generous, then it can last a lifetime.

Same here, in my groups of friends the people who drink alcohol are always very insistent that they pay extra to cover that- where do posters find these friends!

It's a general point. I'm sure most of us can think of someone we know that always takes the piss.

Blackbirdsandrats · Today 20:04
You need to disrupt the pattern.
At the start of the meal before the menu if possible, say something along the lines of I'm going to pay for myself rather than split the bill because I want to feel free to treat myself to whatever I fancy and I'm uncomfortable doing that when I know I'd be passing the cost onto you 3.
They can't argue much because you've said you don't like it, rather than it's not fair.

Even better, just say I'm paying for myself. No need to give reasons. Sorted.

Actually no. Various friendship groups over the years- I am in my 60's- and I don't know anyone who would expect others to pay for their drinks or have several sides and not offer to pay more...

You are reinforcing my point.

The poster says:

I honestly just accept that in time it balances out in my friendship group.

And you turn it back into this transactional petrol talk. She accepts it. It's good.

Exactly this. It’s not so much about the money, as the fact that they are happy to take advantage of you.

I regularly split bills with my friends, and I know that not a single one of them would sit there in silence and happily let me pay more than double my share to subsidise them. Decent people just don’t behave like that.

They knew full well what they were doing. It’s ultimate cheeky fuckery behaviour.

Why should you have to say in advance that you want to pay for what you've bought - or otherwise presumably feel duty-bound to pay for some of other people's purchases too? You wouldn't do that in Tesco if you were with a friend who was doing a fortnightly shop and you'd just grabbed a loaf of bread.

As long as you always do the same thing and don't regularly flip between the two, depending on which method works out cheaper for you on that particular occasion.

This is wisdom.

I never get this. If I was the friend who was drinking I'd always say no I've had more so tis not fair to spilt it I'll pay my share as you don't drink

I think this is one of those things where it entirely depends on the group.

i think it’s pretty tight to be quibbling over a couple of pounds either way, or where it’s a group where ir genuinely does all even out over time.

However, if I was always paying for significantly more than I’d consumed I think I’d have to say something as otherwise I’d start to get a bit resentful.

In my case, it's always the same people.

The richest couple in the group seem to have the ability to order just right - she's driving usually so no fancy wine. The CFs are the ones who are the 'considerably richer than you' types.

Philosophically, this thread is The Prisoner's Dilemma and the answer to long term success is mutual altruism.

Philosophically, this thread is The Prisoner's Dilemma and the answer to long term success is mutual altruism.

I'd be giving these CF 'friends' a wide berth. It isn't stingy or mean to not want to subsidise other people's drinks. It isn't about whether you can afford it or not, it's about whether so called friends are willing to take the piss like this.

Let's guess which kind you are when eating out

After 5 drinks they probably couldn’t have understood altruism!

I regularly go out with a couple of friends. One doesn’t drink. We all pay for what we have.

I’m not sure how this came about now but the non-drinker literally gets her calculator out at the end of the meal, works out exactly what we each have, works out our portion of the tip to the penny and when the waiter comes she will say in turn “£34.23 for Puss, £28.46 for friend A and £26.89 for me” and we each tap our cards on the machine for these specific amounts.

I do cringe a bit as I would just round the numbers up/down but it does make me laugh how specific she is.

I don't understand why people split bills when eating out. Just pay for your own food and drinks.