Equal bill splitting annoyance

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Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

I'm quite shocked that none of your friends have picked up on the fact that you don't drink, OP, and adjusted your share of the bill accordingly.

I can't imagine being so mean-spirited to my non-drinking friends.

They are still ordering 4-5 alcoholic drinks. Everyone just pay for what you ordered or split drinks separately.

😂

You think £30 extra is penny pinching? Another rich mumsnetter.

This sort of thing has always driven me mad. I remember years ago being shamed by saying I only wanted to pay for my own food, when I was a lowly assistant on a pittance so had only ordered a cheap main to save money and other's including my boss had had booze and three courses. I was bloody raging and was adamant I would not let that happen again.

Luckily the friendship group I tend to eat out with now are all very happy to get the bill separated into what we’ve all had individually. No faff, everyone’s happy. I do have one friend who has huge form for not buying drinks / getting her round. We’re all wise to it now and won’t let her get away with it. To the point of saying “so Susan it’s your round now, i’ll have a pint, thanks”

I agree things should change if you want them to, but I'm going to buck the trend slightly and say that they might not be taking the piss or being deliberately greedy or anything like that. There is a very good chance that they just haven't thought about it much.
They order what they want.
You order what you want.
Then the bill comes and it is split.
They might not be factoring in the discrepancy. I agree 100% that they should, but some people genuinely don't think about it. So please don't automatically worry that your friends are not as good friends as you previously thought, OP. I'm sure they adore you and your company and this is just a routine that needs changing because it is bothering you and it isn't really fair.

Yep. If we (sister, BIL, niece, her husband, me and Dh) go out we have such a good time. We enjoy our evening because we love each other. It’s the experience you are paying for, not nit-picking who’s had what. Never done it. Couldn’t bear it. Dh doesn’t drink btw

There is generous and there is taking the piss. I wouldn't dream of having a non alcohol drinking friend pay £30 extra for our alcohol of I had any. How is that being generous or caring to them? It's cf behaviour expecting your friends to pay for your alcohol intake. A few pound here and there is nothing, thirty pound is way too much!

Hmm, I haven't said that

I have suggested that, if you can afford it, it pays to think generously. Allowing your friend to subsidise you is the opposite of that.

Again, I find it dispiriting that so many people are prepared to value friendships via the transactional cost of whether or not you had a starter or a soft drink when you split a restaurant bill.

Correct.

You are thinking generously.

Fantastic idea. You are a genius!! 🌹

Maybe this one time you could order a dessert or have ah expensive item from the menu to make it make sense but then hopefully from next time on you can just say you'd like to continue with paying for yourself. Good luck 🤞

One friend once said to me to look at the bill as the cost of the night rather than individual items. This was after both the friend and myself had spent £45 on a meal that should have cost £15.

id either state at the beginning you will pay for yourself (or settle up at the bar if possible) or say to make it fairer let’s just split food. Or make sure your drinks go on the bill too

Well it's obvious why the cfers turn up. Huge meal at bargain price!.
Would rather appear penny pinching than a robbing bastard!!

You’re friends. Would you really worry about it? None of you are skint. If you’re paying an extra £20 3 times a year that’s £60 so £5 per month……

Can tell there is a few on here by the responses. 🤣🤣🤣

I do not subsidise my friend's drinking habits.

Luckily, I have friends who don't take the piss. If someone had an extra drink or a starter, yes we don't care about that. It's a few quid. We go split the bill on things like that no issue.

What I would have an issue with is someone decided to order many expensive alcoholic drinks and others hadn't, then expected everyone to pay the same. How can anyone think that is okay. Especially with the cost of living, how do you know that people can afford it!

Actually next time, I will take cash and leave a generous amount to cover my.order say 20 for a 15 meal and leave them to it when I leave

Do they contribute towards your petrol?

It's not about the money (though you have to acknowledge that you are quite privileged to not have to worry about the money) but it's the fact that your friends are taking advantage of you. If they really cared why would they want to take advantage of you?

Maybe they are just thoughtless rather than CF but in that case they should be happy if op pointed out to them how unfair this is and should be happy to change it.

If i was leaving early I'd say I've had steak and I've already paid for my drinks so here's £25 or whatever

If I go out with just one friend or at a push, maybe two, we divide the bill. It has always been fair.
However if it is a larger group we just ask for our own tab to be opened. It has worked well for years. Everyone is free to eat and drink as much as they want then.

The poster you quoted has literally just told us that she's happy "it all balances out" in her friendship group, then you turn it into this transactional conversation about mileage costs.

That to me, is the epitome of penny-pinching and mean thinking.

Separate checks, please.

I don't drink alcohol and it's quite expensive. Why should I pay for someone else's?

You want to drink alcohol when out, fine. You pay for it.

Choose who you dine with more wisely….I’ve never had someone take advantage in a friend group……..or just state you’ll pay separately

It doesn't all balance out though. It's always the same people who take the piss and happily let others pay extra. It's not about being transactional it's about not taking advantage of your friends generosity.