Why is life so unfair

[MyFastZebra]

Does anyone think about this? I just think sometimes that I never had a chance.

I was born into a bad family. My father was cruel when I knew him, then he abandoned us and refused to pay maintenance. So I grew up in poverty. My mother brought us up but was abusive to me. My mother's parents were dead. My fathers parents had nothing to do with ne. My aunts and uncles were all horrible to me.

I had not one person. I remember crying and crying as a child. I'm quite spiritual and I used to meditate as a child. I remember during meditation hearing a voice saying "even if no one else loves you, if you love yourself you'll be ok".

But I haven't been ok. My life has been nothing but struggle. Worse, is the terrible feeling of being alone. I don't have one person.

I look around and I see people going for dinner with aunts , having a great relationship with grandparents. It upsets me.

I'm 42 now and I feel sad that all my young life is gone. I never enjoyed my teens or twenties as it was a struggle just to survive.

I look at some teenagerss i know now and they are so well supported by parents, grandparents . Their families pay for holidays.

I'll never experience the joy of being an 18 year old teenager going on holiday with my friends. At 18 I had huge burdens and responsibilities.

It's just all so unfair. And the unfairness of it is driving me mad. Why couldnt I have had one person that cared about me. Why did I have to have such a tough life. Why do other people have easy lives and other people have tough lives.

I look at children in the news who are similar to me. They only usually make the news when they are murdered. Preston Davey. There are countless other children who being neglected and unloved. Why is life so unfair. Why does it have to be such a struggle.

Any thoughts?

I'm not religious, maybe a little spiritual. I always liked the parable of the sower though - the one about seeds being cast around, with some landing on rocky impenetrable ground and others on fertile soil. I don't (personally) believe in karma as I've met too many wonderful humans who have been through terrible things, and too many awful humans who don't seem to reap consequences.

I think you were a seed landing on scorched earth - yet you made it this far.

I'm glad it sounds like you find comfort in spirituality - I think that could help in your route to recovery ❤

I agree Op. Some therapists can actually make you worse. Just because someone is a therapist doesnt mean they are a good one.
Some therapists have serious issues themselves.

This. I hate the narrative that its somehow something you've attracted into your life,

Yes, but if you went to a bad dentist you would just find another one. You Wouldn't say dentistry is a waste of time.

Yes, but dentistry is a straightforward practice. Therapy is different as people are extremely complex.

I have gotten therapy from many different therapists and they may help with surface level issues, but ive never felt that therapy truly changed me. Trauma becomes embedded in the unconscious which is hard to reach. And even if you understand it, its embedded.

Personally the only thing that has truly helped me is God and Jesus...asking my creator for healing.

Emdr is readily available on NHS.

@CombatBarbie can you explain how you access it please? I have a friend who is struggling to do so.

I'm glad you find what worked for you- other people will get that through therapy. It's not right to say therapy is not useful just because it didn't work for you.

You are right about therapy being complex. Something that is rarely raised is that it's effectiveness doesn't just depend on the therapist, but also on the client. Some people are more ready or able to engage, more motivated, more psychologically minded or insightful, or able to be truly honest with themselves. The best therapist in the world is no good if the client is not fully engaged. Some are better at supporting clients with engagement. But some people will never really be able to use therapy effectively.

In many cases it has nothing to do with how engaged the client is though. I've been to therapy for many years...exposed my heart and soul...and some therapists just don't get me. This realisation may come months or even years down the line. They are only human and flawed themselves, and my mind and the complex dynamics i have dealt with is too vast for them to understand.

Yes, it may work for cbt issues, or assertiveness....but getting deep down into the core of an individual and healing them after severe childhood neglect/abuse is impossible. Sorry to sound negative.

The whole notion of therapy is a new phenomenon. It will only go so deep. This is why many turn to spirituality as they, and I believe, that only God can fully understand us.

Ime of numerous therapists for different reasons and at different times of my life.

You have to trust the therapist.
You have to believe that the therapist knows what they are doing.
You have to be willing and able to say all that needs to be said and be honest.
You have to put the work in.
You have to want it to succeed.

Start with that and have the right type of therapy and then there is hope.

we will have to disagree. The combination of therapist and patient is complex, but I disagree that it can't get to the heart of things. What it can't do is stop it hurting, or fill in all that was lost (or not gained) - which is what people perhaps find in religion. It really isn't that modern either.

Great post. There is truth in that.

https://www.carolynspring.com/

Give this a glance OP.