To have made remarks about my friend’s dress

[ladieswholunch23]

Hi all. So, one of my friends is going to a wedding and she’s bought a dress which is…peculiar to say the least. So our group chat (roughly around 8 of us) we - obviously as to not hurt her feelings - we said we liked it as it had already been purchased.

However on our other group chat that she’s not on, we all gave our true thoughts that the dress is hideous and, at the very least, is not suitable for a wedding. Somehow my friend found out about this other group chat and the things we had been saying. Whilst obviously it wasn’t the intention to hurt her, she’s now saying we betrayed her and it has now caused a rift in the friend group. I love to death but she can be a real pain sometimes. AIBU?

\well look, you all bitched about her and mocked her choice behind her back. How did you expect her to react?

You should either have broached it diplomatically and tried to find a polite way of saying the dress wasn't the best choice, or accepted that she has odd taste and forgotten about it. If you want to talk about it behind her back then have more sense than to do it openly on a whatsapp chat group with evidence that can be screen shotted. That was just stupid.

The only thing wrong with that dress is the length. I am sure the skirt hangs better in real life. The photo makes it look puffier than it probably is. Would I wear it that length in my late 40s? No. But the dress itself isn't that bad. Perhaps she has great legs and can pull it off.

So how long have you had a group chat just to bitch about this person?

The dress if fine, I'd love to be confident enough to wear it.

You say you love her to death , but haven't said a positive thing about her , slagged off her dress , called her shitty, a real pain , she might be all these things , but you are two faced .

Just mean.

Out of curiosity - why is this dress not appropriate for late 40s?

Wondered the same...it's short, sure...but if you've got slim, toned legs, show them off at any age I say. Lucky you.

Having a side group and bitching about her is hideous

I think you are missing the point. It doesnt matter how hideous the dress is, it matters that you were all behaving like a bunch of nasty bitches and your 'friend' has seen you for what you are.

Ugh, what a bunch of bitches.

I wouldn't want to be friends with you either, OP. You sound like none of you ever left the playground years. Grown women in their late 40s all ganging up on one person, with a Whatsapp just to bitch about her? This whole "we" and "her" thing?

The lot of you sound vile. Claiming you "love her to bits" is way more of a travesty than that dress. Perhaps you all need to look at how you treat other people and why you seem to need a scapegoat.

100 percent agree! I’m not late 40s… I’m late 30s but one mum friend is 47 and her legs are amazing (I’m a little jealous 😂) and she rocks short shorts!

I hope she wears the dress, looks spectacular and has the time of her life!

if this post is real and you are a woman in your 40’s, grow the fuck up and stop being snide to your “friends”

This, in spades.

You sound like a group of mean girls in the changing rooms at school, not a bunch of pathetic women pushing fifty.

Why don't you fucking grow up?

While op definitely has done wrong, that dress is not modest. Trendy and fun are more subjective. I do not like the dress but accept other people might. But I draw the line at modest. It is not.

Anyway, you were wrong to talk that way about your friend but imo you were not wrong about the dress not being appropriate for a wedding when you are in your late forties. (Please not, I said IMO. I am sure some people think it's fine)

Perfectly normal dress, awful friends who have a group chat behind her back.

I think YABU and have done her a favour.

Perhaps she's realised that by this chat that doesn't include her, that perhaps the "friendship" isn't what she thought.

It's also not what you think it is because you clearly have a rat in there.

YANBU to dislike the dress. But you could have said "oh it's not for me" or "I like the colour" or something really none committal and then not have gone slagging it off behind her back.

I don't buy that we all don't have these thoughts about the things our friends choose that we happen not to like.

I totally agree. But then - when she asked - someone could have told her their thoughts rather than bitching about her behind her back. Loads of ways to do so relatively tactfully- “maybe a bit short for a church affair”; “hmm - at that length, I think you’ll need to wear tights with it and that might be hot in summer”, “maybe another colour would suit you better?”. She must have been really upset to hear there had been a group chat slagging it off.

And why do you have two chats??

That poor woman, finding out her so called friends are bitching behind her back.

You’re all two faced bitches.

Let me guess… she is much more attractive than all of you are and you’re all jealous of her.

I think the dress is unsuitable , but I would have told her. That's what friends do! I definitely wouldn't have been saying I liked it to her face then bitched about it. You are all awful humans

She’s lucky to have a real mate who clued her in on the rest of you

@ladieswholunch23 you know she's bad at subtext and couldn't tell her outright that it was awful? None of you are good friends to her to then gossip behind her back.

Absolutely. Doubling down on the bitchy-ness makes you even worse @ladieswholunch23 !

That mate was probably just stirring the pot. How many splinter groups do you think there are, each to bitch about an excluded member?

My dh has a good way of telling me that something looks crap (if I ask).

"It's fine, but I've seen more flattering things on you before."

I would have said, "It's a pretty dress but if it were me, I'd be tugging at the hem all day."
This is true btw...I don't care if other people wear short or revealing clothes. I just know I'd hate it myself and would fuss endlessly over not flashing my arse.

So now you want randoms on the internet to slag off the dress? Lets hope she doesn't find this thread.