To have made remarks about my friend’s dress

[ladieswholunch23]

Hi all. So, one of my friends is going to a wedding and she’s bought a dress which is…peculiar to say the least. So our group chat (roughly around 8 of us) we - obviously as to not hurt her feelings - we said we liked it as it had already been purchased.

However on our other group chat that she’s not on, we all gave our true thoughts that the dress is hideous and, at the very least, is not suitable for a wedding. Somehow my friend found out about this other group chat and the things we had been saying. Whilst obviously it wasn’t the intention to hurt her, she’s now saying we betrayed her and it has now caused a rift in the friend group. I love to death but she can be a real pain sometimes. AIBU?

you all took the piss out of her behind her back instead of simply saying that she looks nice and could get an even better dress. you aren't her real friends. also, that dress is fine for a wedding guest in her 40s. its trendy, its fun, its modest.

On the back of a different thread, I'm waiting for the OP to declare her friend is also a size 18...

But YABU anyway (obviously) if not a little bored.

I think it’s the dishonesty that’s getting me rather than the behind the back discussion - saying one thing to her face and another behind her back

You are old enough to know better.

And you should be mature enough to be clear to this friend that you love so much, not hints and "subtext" - especially since you know she doesn't get subtext.

I hope each one of you has sincerely apologised at least?

What a coincidence! 🤔

Have you all tried growing up?

If you're trying to make a point with this, you've seriously missed your mark.

Sounds a bit catty OP. You lie to your friend and tell her you like the dress. Then you go on another chat group, which she's mysteriously not on, and go on about how you all hate it. Mean Girls. I wouldn't have told friend I liked it - would have said something about it being unusual or different. I wouldn't have gone behind her back to slag it off either. It's up to her what she wears.

Well you were bitching behind her back. Obviously she’s hurt - you were all two faced.

Hmm I think you should not have posted this on MN she will find out that too. I don't really know what you hope to gain from this?

So now you're bitching about your friend here, on MN. You'll be on Reddit next. What's age got to do with anything? The dress looks a lot better than I was imagining. Mean and ageist. Are you going to show your friend this thread? Thought not.

Firstly, yeah it’s vile behaviour and secondly, the dress is fine. It looks great on the model and would be fine for a wedding. With a black hat, black high heels and a bag it could look great. If your friend is under say 35 and a size 10 there is absolutely nothing wrong with that dress for a wedding.

I was expecting something horrific.

Edited to say I’ve seen that she’s in her late 40s - it’s really not that bad. I’m 45 and I could pull that off easily. Fake tan, Spanx and sunglasses and I’d be away.

If this is genuine, it should be easy to figure out who told her about the chat.

It's the one that thought bitching about something like this behind your 'friend's back isn't ok, and didn't join in.

It's good that she has one actual friend in the group.

My definition of a friend is different.

There are all sorts of ways to be honest about a dress. She may well not care for your opinion.

The other group set up seems unnecessarily mean. Although it seems she has one friend on there.

What a bunch of two faced bitches.

You don't sound like much of a friend to be honest 🙄

The dress isn’t a “travesty” just because it’s not to your taste. how have you got to nearly 50 and not accepted that different people have different styles yet.

stop justifying being a mean friend by being a fashion snob.

This must be a reverse. No-one, a woman in her 40s non the less, would think it okay to have a group chat that one friend is excluded from and use it to bitch about her dress choice. You sound awful. There isn't even anything wrong with the dress, I like it. I suspect there's some jealousy of the woman who wore the dress. Is she better looking than the rest of you? More successful? Nicer family?

Honestly, you don't even like her. Friends don't act like this.

First post nails it.
She's not your friend, obviously - you've got a group chat talking about her. Not sure why you're pretending otherwise.

Imagine still behaving like mean girls in your LATE FORTIES how embarrassing I hope she finds some better friends.

So you have a separate group chat where you slag her off. Nice. She’s better off without you vipers

Don't think that dress is the worst tbh. I was expecting a monster but it isn't that.
I wouldn't wear it but I know plenty would. Don't think it's an age thing even...more a legs thing. My legs are crap and I'm not fond of pink or frills.

You lot must be easily shocked.

Really? You generally talk behind your friends back? Because I make it a rule not to. I might say to my husband I didn’t really like the dress and she didn’t get the hint but don’t discuss it in a group chat. I make it a point to not say anything to my friends about other friends that I wouldn’t be comfortable saying to their faces. Maybe I’m in a minority and my friends are the ones chatting behind my back. Who knows!