To have made remarks about my friend’s dress

[ladieswholunch23]

Hi all. So, one of my friends is going to a wedding and she’s bought a dress which is…peculiar to say the least. So our group chat (roughly around 8 of us) we - obviously as to not hurt her feelings - we said we liked it as it had already been purchased.

However on our other group chat that she’s not on, we all gave our true thoughts that the dress is hideous and, at the very least, is not suitable for a wedding. Somehow my friend found out about this other group chat and the things we had been saying. Whilst obviously it wasn’t the intention to hurt her, she’s now saying we betrayed her and it has now caused a rift in the friend group. I love to death but she can be a real pain sometimes. AIBU?

Also I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if I saw a woman wearing said pink polka dot dress at a wedding.
It’s 2026, traditions and styles have moved on.
Wouldn’t life be miserable if everyone stuck to the same style for events.

I love the dress!
People have different tastes.
Why have such an opinion on a garment someone else may wear - it’s unkind and kinda dumb. Be more open minded and less bitchy.

Mean Girls. You all sound absolutely horrible and she's better off without you. I hope she finds some new friends and you never know, you might be the next victim of your nasty group.

I couldn’t pull it off but I agree that it would be okay in the right circumstances. Especially if the friend is shorter than the model/very slight/tanned and has a quirky style.

The travesty isn’t the dress it is the people who claimed to be friends.

She's not wrong op.
You did all "betray" her when you all chose to gossip about her behind her back.
Her upset has nothing to do with the dress.
It's cruel and unnecessary.

Look there are always going to be loads of people queueing up to tell women that there is no such thing as inappropriate clothing for any age or size, and that women should simply wear what they want.

It's a noble sentiment. But unless you are the sort of person who is a bit eccentric or very thick skinned and genuinely does not care if everyone does a double take, or points and sniggers when they think your back is turned, then it's best not to listen to them.

Well you've certainly included identifying information now! I sincerely hope that this thread doesn't get picked up. In addition to her friends' group discussing her behind her back, she'll have anyone who reads it doing the same or worse.

If you ALL thought it was a bad idea even after she bought it, why didn't any of you discreetly tell her?

TBH, the dress is NOT the reason you're bring unreasonable. It's the way you and the others have handled the situation. You all hurt your friend, but you think showing us the dress will validate what you've done?

No, none of you were kind about it.

Second chat she is excluded from is very sly/childish I don’t blame her for being upset

It is totally irrelevant whether the dress is hideous or not, the problem is that you have been bitching behind her back and now she's upset. If it was the other way around I'm sure you'd feel the same. With friends like you, who needs enemies?!

Your friend showed you an outfit, you all said it was nice and then started messaging on a group chat separately about how horrid it was, she found out, is upset, and your reaction rather than to try and fix the situation is to start a thread online where you call her a pain and post pictures of the dress for even more people to take the piss out of?? And you’re having to ask if you’re the unreasonable one?

Honestly who needs enemies eh?

It doesn't matter what the dress looks like OP, its your behaviour was mean and two faced. If she really is a good friend, you should have given your opinion on the dress when asked and left it there.
There was absolutely no need a) To lie to her b) Talk about her behind her back and have a laugh at her expense.

I hope she has the confidence to move on and find some genuine friends.
If you really value her friendship, then you need to apologies profusely.

And yet here you are doubling down with excuses as to why you were all Bitching about her in a group chat

just here to say I LOVE your username 😜

And as for the dress, I wouldn’t wear it but I’ve seen a lot worse!

Most people would be a “pain” if they found out their friends were all bitching about them behind their back.

None of you are her friends. You are all awful.

Do I like the dress? No. If my friend wants to ask my opinion I’m either honest or I shut up about it, I don’t slag it off to other friends.

"Peculiar", "travesty"

I was expecting something really noteworthy!

So now you're trying to get us to bitch about the dress?

What you and the rest of her "friends" did is nothing less than bitchy. She deserves a massive apology from all of you.

Although if I discovered my so-called friends were gossiping about like this behind my back, I'd be looking for new friends. A pp is right - it's bullying.

Hmmm.

Why is she excluded from the group chat?

Just to let people know the travesty that is this dress because I think I’m getting a hard time here

You are getting a hard time as you put it because you are coming across as nasty and two faced

You all lie to her face then run to a separate chat to slag her off but SHE 's the pain?!!

Naaaah, you sound like a bunch of bitches.

A friend would have told her it wasn't to their particular taste but if she really liked it then good for her.

A fake friend would have taken the opportunity to slyly bitch about the dress to everyone else behind her back.

Which one were you again OP?

Exactly! Who the hell does that?

Really unpleasant behaviour.

Ahh, so you've decided to post here in the hope that you'll get MN on your side because she said it was a nest of vipers, and it's for a wedding.

Well, it's a nice dress and I bet she looks amazing.