To have made remarks about my friend’s dress

[ladieswholunch23]

Hi all. So, one of my friends is going to a wedding and she’s bought a dress which is…peculiar to say the least. So our group chat (roughly around 8 of us) we - obviously as to not hurt her feelings - we said we liked it as it had already been purchased.

However on our other group chat that she’s not on, we all gave our true thoughts that the dress is hideous and, at the very least, is not suitable for a wedding. Somehow my friend found out about this other group chat and the things we had been saying. Whilst obviously it wasn’t the intention to hurt her, she’s now saying we betrayed her and it has now caused a rift in the friend group. I love to death but she can be a real pain sometimes. AIBU?

And you would look fabulous, as will OP’s friend.

Sensing some jealousy from OP and her WhatsApp pals.

I suggest that she probably more upset about the separate group chat than your shallow opinion about her individuality.

I’ve never liked mindless tearing down of people. I don’t blame your friend for being upset, OP. How is it fun to discuss a supposedly good friend behind their back and their choice of dress, surely you all have other things to focus on?

So what if you all didn't like it? Her choice, she did. Yes very nasty and unnecessary 😒

Why was it though? Why did you have a separate group chat with out her? That's absolutely awful.... Just imagine that was you, how betrayed would you feel?

I would of had to say I do t like it but if you do that's all that matters .
Or its not to my taste something like that.
Im not surprised she is hurt if 7 of her friends think its hideous but didn't tell her.. bit shit dont you all think .

If you're in your forties why are you behaving like a bunch of 13 year old bullies bitching about what someone in your class has turned up to the school disco in?

As for the group chat without one of your friend group I don't even know where to start with that one.

Why do you have a group chat that excludes her?

Wow you’re awful

My comment was about the fact that, in my culture, you say things to people directly rather than talking about them behind their backs.

Then I got the “don’t even talk about anyone ever” comments.

We’re all human. We all gossip and talk about people sometimes. Pretending we don’t is just ridiculous.

I think it’s really sad that none of you could be honest with your friend and tell her your thoughts on the dress. It’s even worse that you did it together behind her back, she must feel really betrayed and yet you seem to show no awareness of how that must feel. I don’t think I would be friends with you for long if you did that to me.

You sound awful, and your friends. Also posting the dress as if people will then agree with you. Pure nasty. The dress is really not the issue here. At all.

What a disgusting thing to do to a friend, I hope she dumps the cruel lot of you!

Of course you’re being bloody unreasonable. Jesus Christ what a bunch of awful human beings

What is the reason you have a second group chat without her. Its really mean

Nasty bunch of bitches. I quite like the dress, it’s not outré like on that other thread. Talking behind her back and she’s found out, serves you all right.

If you know there is no telling her then you should have just said nothing.

This. This is actually my criteria for if someone is a friend or not.

A friend would tell me the truth and protect my best interests, e.g. avoiding swanning around at a wedding in an unsuitable dress.

Someone who says to my face that something is nice when they clearly don't think so and laugh about me behind my back is best described as someone I'd never like to speak to again. If it was me I'd only ever interact with you as much as socially required, e.g. say hello on the street in passing, as that's not how friends behave. Laughing at someone in a group chat behind their back is the literal definition of mean girl/ bully behaviour

What you did is pretty much the equivalent of seeing a person bleed through their trousers, not tell her, but instead point it out to everyone else and laugh

Of course YABU. Are you 13?

Wow! You are not her friend. A friend wouldn’t do that.

I wouldn’t expect friends to gossip behind my back. And there’s something really mean spirited about going on about a dress she’s bought like that. You seem overly invested in her wardrobe choices. I’ve seen the pic of the dress and it’s up to her what she wears. I’ve various friends that wear things I wouldn’t (and I imagine vice versa) but I wouldn’t dream of bitching about their choices. Do you have nothing else to think about? This is the nonsense of teenagers when they are trying to find their sense of self. As an adult, it’s judgemental, unkind and simply unnecessary.

Well that’s going to hurt her feelings, surely you get that.

If you're in your late 40s and still behaving like this then I think you need to grow up a bit

I hope your friend finds some more honest and supportive mates.

I can honestly said I have never started or join a group chat excluding one of our friends to bitch about them behind their back, no.

I also don't believe that there's an "age" for clothes unless you are talking about a baby romper. WIth the right body and attitude, you can wear anything and pull it off. Dress for your shape, age is completely irrelevant.

I still fail to see what's wrong with the dress the OP is miffed about. I wouldn't look great in it myself, but theres' nothing wrong with that dress.

The point is, is that it is your opinion of the dress. Whether you like it or not, I think the fact that you all said one thing to her face and then quite another behind her back ridiculing her choice was unnecessarily cruel. I can only say that I am not in the least surprised that she is hurt having found out what you have all done. Shame on you.