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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to worry my retired parents never want to go out?

233 replies

Bluebell12378 · 04/07/2026 12:39

My parents are in late 60s / early 70s. Retired with a good pension, mortgage paid off and recently got a decent sum of inheritance. They are still fit and well with good health. And living comfortably financially.

But they don’t DO anything. They don’t go on holidays or trips away anymore. They don’t go for evenings out or even meals out. They just seem to sit at home doing the same routine day in and day out. Occasionally they might see friends (once a month maybe?). They will usually come out with me and my kids if we invite them somewhere. But apart from that they just sit at home.

Even when we do invite them out or over to ours, I can’t help but feel they are anxiously waiting to leave and go home. We will only ever see them for a couple of hours at a time and then they make their excuses and leave. They NEVER invite us anywhere or suggest doing anything with the grandkids, unless it’s to come to their house for a meal.

Up until a few years ago they did used to go on holidays and go out a bit more. I used to socialise and do fun things with my Mum a lot too (spa days, shopping, theatre). I don’t really understand what has happened to make it stop. If me or DH hint at asking if they’re planning to go away or have anything planned they get all funny and defensive. Or use their dog as an excuse for not being able to go out.

is this normal as you enter later years of life? Could they genuinely happy and content just staying home all the time?. I can’t help but feel they are wasting the last healthy years of their life.

In comparison my similarly aged in-laws are the complete opposite. Always going out to the theatre, gigs, cinema, restaurants, going on trips and holidays. Really making the most of life and retirement! They love doing fun activities with the grandkids too like swimming etc.

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · Today 08:35

UniquePinkSwan · 04/07/2026 12:43

Some people just like being home. I’m like that. I barely do anything at the weekend.

@UniquePinkSwan

what do you do when at home? I would get so bored not going out for a full weekend

godmum56 · Today 09:02

Doone22 · Today 08:23

learn to read - i said could - that leaves the option with the person who knows them as to whether its appropriate and in what way they might want to phrase any question - and lots of parents are never going to want to start that kind of conversation with their kids so its a valid point and its not nosy to be worried about your own parents so why are you being so bitchy?

and i said "could" too...... so maybe I am not the one who needs to learn to read.

godmum56 · Today 09:08

Cherrytree86 · Today 08:35

@UniquePinkSwan

what do you do when at home? I would get so bored not going out for a full weekend

can't speak for Unique Pink Swan but I spent most of it in the garden The growth is getting out of hand,so I had a shedload of cutting back and deadheading to do. I had about 50 trees and shrubs that I am growing on that needed repotting, prep for the upcoming hose ban, the lawn to mow and my (small) forest edge area to strim.

Rubyslipperswitch · Today 09:10

catslovehairties · Yesterday 16:15

She doesn't sound immature at all. You do sound bit uptight, though!

Well done for adding another pointless comment.

godmum56 · Today 09:20

I think what I mind about this thread (not angry but I am allowed to voice an opinion no?) is the judgementalism of it.
"I can’t help but feel they are wasting the last healthy years of their life."

"If me or DH hint at asking if they’re planning to go away or have anything planned they get all funny and defensive."

Or use their dog as an excuse for not being able to go out.

and the immediate catastrophisation
"maybe they are ill and can't tell you"
"maybe they are broke"
"get them checked for dementia" (what? without their permission or agreement?"

then the OP actually admits that they do do things.....just not as much as she thinks they should.

Carandache18 · Today 09:58

Doone22 · Today 08:20

and i think you are being a bitch, thats a huge leap to make, and says a lot about you. don't you think its more likely she's worried about her mum and dad?

Yes, maybe you are right.

I apologise OP.
But I think your parents are probably well and happy, and winding down from a lifetime of work and stress.
I don't think you need to take much notice of the comments referring to eg. dementia, overspending, incontinence worries, given you describe them as able to do so many things, including take care of small children for whole days, garden, dog walk, socialise with friends, and they have a history of managing their financial affairs.
My own dcs find it very hard to accept that we are late 60s and no longer want to eg. fly often (I really think unnecessary airflight should be rationed, it's doing the planet no good at all). They also compare us to inlaws who fly off half a dozen times a year for holidays.
Personally, having lost healthy friends in their 40s and 50s to aggressive cancers and RTAs, I think we are lucky to have got so far with nothing more than the usual aging and the label of having become 'boring.'

MuminMama · Today 10:29

I'm 57 and feel pretty much broken in terms of energy. It's all I can do to keep daily life going and get dinner on the table. Give me another ten years and I'll probably be at home all the time. My parents used to irritate me by not doing more stuff with their grandchildren, but I get it now.

godmum56 · Today 10:37

Carandache18 · Today 09:58

Yes, maybe you are right.

I apologise OP.
But I think your parents are probably well and happy, and winding down from a lifetime of work and stress.
I don't think you need to take much notice of the comments referring to eg. dementia, overspending, incontinence worries, given you describe them as able to do so many things, including take care of small children for whole days, garden, dog walk, socialise with friends, and they have a history of managing their financial affairs.
My own dcs find it very hard to accept that we are late 60s and no longer want to eg. fly often (I really think unnecessary airflight should be rationed, it's doing the planet no good at all). They also compare us to inlaws who fly off half a dozen times a year for holidays.
Personally, having lost healthy friends in their 40s and 50s to aggressive cancers and RTAs, I think we are lucky to have got so far with nothing more than the usual aging and the label of having become 'boring.'

I reckon that the saying "comparison is the thief of joy" doesn't only apply to comparing one's own life with others. It strikes me that the OP might be less worried 1. If her husband didn't bang on about it and 2. If her inlaws weren't living such a different life, not that I am suggesting that they shouldn't.

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