Page 13 | AIBU to expect my partner to share weekend family time and childcare?

Mummsymun · 2026-07-04T09:34:54+00:00

DP and I have been together 2 years. I have a 5 year old son. Dp is lovely with DS, and DS loves him. Ds still sees his dad 50% of the week. He is usually with him Tuesday - Friday and then with me Friday to Monday. I work in a school as a TA which is quite stressful. DP is a doctor in A&E but is off every weekend. I’m being to become upset with how much freedom DP is telling me he has. He organises occasional days out with his friends at the weekend (when ds is here) and never wakes up in the morning. He usually lies in til about 10 even though I’ve been up with ds since 7. He claims he’s tired and he’s entitled to lie in. Which I do understand but as part of the family shouldn’t be want to spend time with us? He’s going out today to see his friend. He got up at 930 and will be leaving at 11. I’m just so sad that he seems to want to do stuff without us at the weekend. When I tell him I’m tired he says that I’m a mum and it’s my responsibility to look after ds. Dp contributed financially and will spend days out with us but has said he won’t look after ds if I want to go out at the weekend (I have to leave him with my mum) He says my “break” is 50% of the week when ds isn’t here and that other mums don’t get this “break”. Aibu to think he should at least get up with us and spend time with us as a family?

iniati · Today 13:03

Kokonimater · Today 12:58

She’s being very criticised when all she really is saying that she feels sad that her partner doesn’t appear to want to spend time with them as a family.
The other stuff that she says has muddy the waters. Ie how many hours she works, et cetera and him not babysitting.
It is understandable to feel sad about that. But the truth is if he wanted to he would

Op- if you did have children with him in the future, there might be a danger that he would favour his own children over your son. Some deep conversations need to be had.

She says he does spend days out with them

He just organises occasional days out with his friends at the weekend and doesn't wake up at 7am to spend time with them.

Nobody wants to get up at 7am to parent their girlfriend's 5 year old.

If she thinks she can do better, as a low paid single mother, than a doctor who loves her son, financially supports them, spends time with them but occasionally spends some time with his friends and sleeps in at the weekend.. good luck to her, is all I will say!

Striveforcompetence · Today 13:06

You’ve only been with the guy for a years - why the hell are you living with him? My kids only just met my boyfriend after 18 months. You do not move a man in when you’ve got a kid and have only been with him 2 years.

And he is right. It’s your kid. He shouldn’t be taking on a parent role and you have half the week without your kid.

If you do have kids with this man, you’ll be absolutely wrong to say he has to do all the wake ups whilst you laze about in bed. When he has a child, he should be doing half the work for that child. Half the early rises. You need to do the other half. He doesn’t have a child right now so he has no need to wake up at 7am at the weekend to entertain your kid when you’ve already had half the week off from parenting.

BudgetBuster · Today 13:07

Mummsymun · Yesterday 11:18

I don’t expect him to do childcare. I resent the fact he says he has all this freedom and doesn’t offer to help me.

we do live together. Like I said he is involved but he says he “deserves” a lie in at the weekend.

I think it’s unfair to ds who’s excited to spend time with DP and then dp goes out all day and doesn’t get back until around 8 when ds is asleep

I’ve told him if we have children I’ll be having lie ins and he can do all the get ups like I’ve been doing now!

I don’t expect him to do childcare. I resent the fact he says he has all this freedom and doesn’t offer to help me.
He does have all this freedom... he doesn't have kids. You do. That was your choice. You have 50% of the week already child-free.

we do live together. Like I said he is involved but he says he “deserves” a lie in at the weekend.
He does deserve a lie in... I'm pretty sure he works damn hard M-F. It's very telling how in your OP you mentioned that YOUR JOB is stressful but didn't mention his was stressful.

I think it’s unfair to ds who’s excited to spend time with DP and then dp goes out all day and doesn’t get back until around 8 when ds is asleep
I don't think you should have a partner if you're trying to guilt him into spending all his free time with your child. He isn't his parent. I say this as a step-parent. I obviously did family things with my now DH and DSS but it was HUGELY important that I wasn't there all the time... they needed to spend time together without me imposing all the time. My DH never once expected me to get up at the weekends with DSS so he could have a lie in. I naturally wake earlier but honestly DH was always up also... thats parenting.

I’ve told him if we have children I’ll be having lie ins and he can do all the get ups like I’ve been doing now!
ALL THE GET UPS? Honestly he'd do well to run now. You sound like you don't want to parent at all. If you had kids together then you should SHARE responsibility. Neither of you shiuld do ALL the get ups.

AnneLovesGilbert · Today 13:13

You shouldn’t even consider more children if you find one child for half the week so very exhausting. Seeing you complain about caring for your own child by yourself I doubt your boyfriend will want any with you either.

honeylulu · Today 13:17

He isn't your son's father and you aren't "a family" . Your son has an involved father and you get 3 full days and nights child free. Plus your mum will occasionally babysit at the weekend if you want to go away with friends. You have a really sweet deal!

If I had no kids I would sure as hell not be getting up at 7am to look after someone else's. Not would I be babysitting on my previous weekend so the child's actual parent could go swanning off.

You only see your child for an extended weekend. Why do you want more time away from them?

Some (not all) weekends your boyfriend sees his mates. That's fine and healthy. Your son might not see him those days but that's fine. Your son is there to spend time with YOU. The one on one time is special, make the most of it.

ClaredeBear · Today 13:24

pictoosh · Today 10:38

Personally, I think he's being a bit of a twat refusing to watch the lad so OP can go out. Not every event or gathering will be timed to her schedule.
Would be nice if he viewed it not so much as childcare but as an opportunity to support her enrichment...if that makes sense? Nothing wrong with him stepping up once in a while for that.

Still don't think he needs to get up early with OP's son or spend his weekends having family time. He's not obligated to sacrifice his own free time to play pseudo dad.

Being kind because you love someone is always nice though. Could be wrong of course but I am sensing a power imbalance here. Dunno.

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I agree. It’s more about the meanness of spirit than anything else.

MissRaspberryRipples · Today 14:35

BudgetBuster · Today 13:07

I don’t expect him to do childcare. I resent the fact he says he has all this freedom and doesn’t offer to help me.
He does have all this freedom... he doesn't have kids. You do. That was your choice. You have 50% of the week already child-free.

we do live together. Like I said he is involved but he says he “deserves” a lie in at the weekend.
He does deserve a lie in... I'm pretty sure he works damn hard M-F. It's very telling how in your OP you mentioned that YOUR JOB is stressful but didn't mention his was stressful.

I think it’s unfair to ds who’s excited to spend time with DP and then dp goes out all day and doesn’t get back until around 8 when ds is asleep
I don't think you should have a partner if you're trying to guilt him into spending all his free time with your child. He isn't his parent. I say this as a step-parent. I obviously did family things with my now DH and DSS but it was HUGELY important that I wasn't there all the time... they needed to spend time together without me imposing all the time. My DH never once expected me to get up at the weekends with DSS so he could have a lie in. I naturally wake earlier but honestly DH was always up also... thats parenting.

I’ve told him if we have children I’ll be having lie ins and he can do all the get ups like I’ve been doing now!
ALL THE GET UPS? Honestly he'd do well to run now. You sound like you don't want to parent at all. If you had kids together then you should SHARE responsibility. Neither of you shiuld do ALL the get ups.

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She doesn't even do all the early get ups with her own kid to be fair. She wakes up with him on Saturday and Sunday which probably isn't even at 7am considering he doesn't have school..she probably gets up with him early on a Monday morning for school, his dad does this the rest of the week..only thing she needs to get up early for in the week is her own job. Her other half works in a hospital and probably gets up way earlier than 7am to work a full day, he's lucky to get every weekend off but I bet that Monday to Friday he does long days for them to accommodate his work free weekends

Edna69 · Today 14:45

Please, whatever you do op, do not get pregnant by this man!

does your partner do any house work, contribute money (a decent amount towards the bills, shopping etc?).

i imagine he doesn’t. Hes not really a good partner. He’s literally a cocklodger living with you and enjoying the perks of a clean house, bills paid and sex when he want with no responsibility. Terrible way he treats you and your child. In two years, if he has not accepted the father role, hes not going to. You have his kids and your lad will be left out. Get rid