AIBU to expect my partner to share weekend family time and childcare?

[Mummsymun]

DP and I have been together 2 years. I have a 5 year old son. Dp is lovely with DS, and DS loves him. Ds still sees his dad 50% of the week. He is usually with him Tuesday - Friday and then with me Friday to Monday.

I work in a school as a TA which is quite stressful. DP is a doctor in A&E but is off every weekend.

I’m being to become upset with how much freedom DP is telling me he has. He organises occasional days out with his friends at the weekend (when ds is here) and never wakes up in the morning. He usually lies in til about 10 even though I’ve been up with ds since 7. He claims he’s tired and he’s entitled to lie in. Which I do understand but as part of the family shouldn’t be want to spend time with us?

He’s going out today to see his friend. He got up at 930 and will be leaving at 11. I’m just so sad that he seems to want to do stuff without us at the weekend.

When I tell him I’m tired he says that I’m a mum and it’s my responsibility to look after ds. Dp contributed financially and will spend days out with us but has said he won’t look after ds if I want to go out at the weekend (I have to leave him with my mum)

He says my “break” is 50% of the week when ds isn’t here and that other mums don’t get this “break”.

Aibu to think he should at least get up with us and spend time with us as a family?

So Tuesday to Friday you work as a TA 9-3 and then have no other childcare responsibilities while he works as an A&E doctor? Surely you can do as you please those days

He’s setting boundaries and making it quite clear that your DS is your responsibility. He isn’t his dad. I think you have different ideas about what your “family” looks like.

Do you live together or does he just spend a lot of time in your house? I don't think either of you are unreasonable - you see him a stepdad figure, he sees himself as having a girlfriend who happens to have a child. Neither is wrong, it's just mismatched expectations. I doubt he's going to change so you need to see if this is something you can tolerate long term.

I'm not sure why you're over tired if you're only looking after one child 50% of the week, with a PT job.

Sorry I’m confused are you all living together or separated?!
You start off saying you’re together but then talk about having the child 50% each? If you’re all actually living together then he’s being an absolute cockwomble!! Who on earth lives as a family unit but has separate childcare responsibilities?
This is very much reading like you are a separated family!

Has he always taken this approach? Or did he used to spend more time with you both?

If you wanted freedom then you shouldn’t have had a child.

The DS is not her DP’s child.

So DC sees his dad half the time and then during your half you want your bf to pick up a lot of it?

She has a partner (not the child’s father), and an ex who has the child 50/50.

There are 2 separate men - child's dad and current partner.

He's right. The child is yours not his.

If your child is with his dad Tuesday-Friday, you have three evenings free then to do whatever you want!

If you’re saying he never spends any time with you, then I’d suggest you live alone then. If you’re just moaning that he won’t look after your child so you can sleep/go out, then I think you’re being unreasonable.

YABU. He’s your child and you are responsible for him. Would it be nice for him to spend time with you both? Yes but that’s not his responsibility. What happens for the time you don’t have your DS?

unrealistic expectations OP - your bf sounds like a time bider

Honestly he is your son, to be up with your partner doesn't have to be up on a weekend morning, he is also allowed to see his friends, this isn't the set up you hoped for but I don't think that is your boyfriends fault, also don't you want to spend time with your boy alone ?

Your partner doesn’t want a family. At least not with you, and definitely not with a child who isn’t his. I suspect he sees you as a placeholder till he finds ‘the one’. He doesn’t want to be bothered with your child.

It’s up to you to decide what you do with this information.

Ahh right thank you, it’s been a long week and I was struggling to get the schematics!
So OP is expecting her current DP to step up not the child’s father?

I’m in a similar position but with two kids and I work full time. My partner does spend time with my kids at the weekend and we do things together, but also he will sometimes go out with friends and do his own thing. I feel like with 50/50 I get enough time to myself the half of the week my kids are with their dad.

Your partner probably wants some time to himself after working all week. If the roles were reversed, would you want to spend all your free time with his son?

Change contact arrangements if you want more free time at a weekend.
It's difficult with your DP, he isn't obliged to do childcare or have family time with a child who isn't his. Although, I'd be wary of having a child with him in the future. I'd imagine he will still want to lie in and spend time with his friends at the weekend and leave the parenting to you because that's the routine you're getting used to as a couple.

Yes, she wants him to be a second dad.

No, he’s quite right. Your kid, that you only have half the week.

Her child's father already does 50% so it seems she wants her current partner to do childcare so she has even more time off than she already does.

Your reply is pretty basic, and doesn’t add much value. Perhaps you can expand: How do you suppose OP undoes the situation, based on your comment? (There’s no returns policy on children).

If you were a man expecting your girlfriend to provide childcare you would be SLAUGHTERED on here. Your child, your responsibility (and the child's father's, of course) Honestly, you have a cheek!

Team partner on this one. You have one son 50% of the week. Your partner is not child's Dad. You don't have a particularly stressful job. You should count your blessings.

Why should your partner look after your son? To be honest you sound lazy. He on the other hand has a stressful job and wants to see his friends to relax.

Carry on like you are and he may leave you. I was a single parent and never had any if your expectations.