Wedding make up too early - bridesmaid dilemma

[saminamama]

Being bridesmaid for a dear friend of 12 years

of 6 bridesmaids 2 of us are staying in the hotel.
it is the first night with my DH away from both children during a really stressful phase in our life financially (youngest is 10 months old) and so booked the hotel of the wedding (I paid for this)

when I agreed to have makeup done (me to pay for this - £60) I didn’t realise I would be put on the very first slot - 7am. The maid of honor is in hair at this time because she also booked the hotel, but some of the other bridesmaids aren’t getting anything done until 9 or even 10am!

i have asked the bride to cancel but she has said no it’s too late I still need to pay,

so I’m still going to have to pay

so because I have booked ‘the hotel’ I have ended up pulling the short straw if I was in the premier inn up the road it would have been fine

aibu - get the makeup done and crack on at 7am
yanbu - pay and don’t get the makeup done value sleep instead

Sounds like a pretty bad territory to me.

What the hell?!

I can never sleep in now, my body clock wakes me up at ‘kid’ time even when I’m away. DH is the same! Very frustrating but it does mean you get the most of the day on holiday etc I suppose. I

i would just suck this one up, it’ll be a nice day with pals presumably and it’s a novelty to have your make-up done. It’s not really a break in the traditional sense, although I understand why it might feel like one, but you’re kind of under someone else’s timings etc when you’re part of the wedding party so not the same as a weekend away of your own choosing.

Oh that's shit Op.

Bride sounds an absolute cheapskate.

What are the chances that you'll actually sleep in?

It's 1 day, get to bed early and try to enjoy the pampering that comes with having hair and makeup done.

With so many in the bridal party to get ready it was always going to be an early start. Your friend has probably put you and your friend who are staying at the hotel first because you will be able to order room service/ breakfast there and have 0 travel time. You will be there when the hairdresser and make up artist arrive therefore making a smoother morning for them, they can arrive and crack straight on.

My friend is a hairdresser and has recently got back into wedding hair after just mobile hairdressing after an 8 year break due to DC. One thing she forgot was how early the mornings start, some days she starts at 4am and arrives at the venue before 5am to get the first one in the chair for 5am. Having someone there and ready to go can make a huge difference to the rush of the day, especially if it's a morning wedding or there are a lot of the wedding party. One she did recently had 4 bridesmaids, bride, mother of the bride, step mother of the bride, mother of the groom, great aunt of the groom and grandmother's on both sides for a wedding at 3 o clock. The relative's of the bride were a very last minute add on because they were from away and didn't know any hairdressers in the area. She was absolutely knackered and started at 5am. She did charge them all for it and has since implemented a strict bride/ bridesmaids only policy afterwards.

Well that’s kind of the point isn’t it? OP’s first time staying away from her children, most people I’d imagine would like to enjoy at least a small lie-in.

If Op wants a weekend holiday, then she and her husband can book one. That’s the appropriate time for a lie-in.

It’s a wedding. Her friends big day. And a lot of weddings have every minute of the day planned out.

I still don't get it - if baby breastfed she won't be staying away from baby the night, unless on day 1 of weaning they are leaving her wither others (unlikely). If baby sleeps badly and for some reason her husband has never helped - they're having a night away and they can go to bed at 10pm and have 9 hours sleep

I don’t see the issue. It’s bound to be an easy start, it’s a huge day.

i also have my make up done at that time on the daily to last me the whole day - it’s gotta last when an artist is doing it. 😂

Me neither. It sounds hideous.

I turned down the offer of the official hairdresser and make-up artist for some more recent family weddings, because that kind of thing is really not my comfort zone, but I didn't even realise what a bullet I was dodging.

Being part of this type of bridal party sounds like work. Why do people do this?

I had a 3pm wedding and got out of bed at 11am, just saying. YANBU.

Who'd be a bridesmaid these days? Expensive hen dos, hair and make-up sessions starting as early as 5am - and presumably you have to have showered before then - a dress you'd probably never choose for yourself....

She said they're struggling financially - and she's paying for the hotel and make-up artist. They quite possibly can't afford an additional weekend away at the moment.

and apparently (we're learning) you have to have unwashed hair...

That sounds better!

I think its cheeky to expect you to pay tbh! Id have said id do my own as soon as I found that part out, particularly if its a financially stressful period.

It's 1 day, get to bed early and try to enjoy the pampering that comes with having hair and makeup done.

Pampering? 🤯

That's plenty of time.

It's 7am not 3am
I don't see the problem.

Yeah, just NO.
My hair has to have a wash to look "presentable" the only time I skip it is if I know I'm not going out or doing a full breakfast. stinky hair
eta I jump in the shower later rather than sooner on those days - I don't want someone thinking I wander around for days smelling of stale bacon butty and HP sauce...🤦🏻‍♀️

I agree. It would be my idea of hell having someone doing my hair and make up. I would see it as torture rather than pampering!

Bride sounds like a typical bridezilla CF. Personally, I’d ditch the whole thing.

Well no I didn’t pay when I was a bridesmaid last time. But I’m being a bridesmaid again in November and I’m happily paying for hair and make up.

Honestly I’m usually a strict every morning hair washer but washing the night before doesn’t mean your hair is dirty or smelly!!!? If it bothers you just spray some dry shampoo before you go to sleep and it keeps it fresher.

It’ll be up to the hairdresser though, some will have products they can use for up dos, ours asked for not freshly washed hair.

All part and parcel of being a bridesmaid.

suck it up she’s your friend and its one day.

The more weddings I attend (especially as a bridesmaid) and read about on mumsnet, the more I dislike them! They're incredibly expensive, long tiring days of compromises and pandering to someone elses wishes (though there are a few lovely moments within the day, of course!).

I would be furious if my first night away from my kids was spoiled by having to be up and ready for 7am to have my make up done. Especially if I was paying £60 for the privilege as well!

If you're happy with doing your own make up, I'd write of the £60 and just do it yourself - enjoy not feeling like you have to be up by a certain time for once! On the rare night I've had away from my kids, I can never actually manage to sleep much longer than my usual wake up time, but it's just so nice to not be dragged out of bed and be needed by small people immediately!

If the bride doesn't have kids already, she won't understand and may be a bit annoyed, but if she does have kids in future, she'll get it then! I was the first of my friends to have kids and have struggled to balance bridesmaid duties at hen do's and child-free weddings whilst breastfeeding numerous times. Now those friends have had their own babies, they finally get it and have even apologised for their somewhat unreasonable expectations!

Dry shampoo means I'd be scratching all the way through the ceremony and end up with a sore head. 🤔