AIBU to be cross about school dismissing my daughter's severe periods?

[Meetmeinlove]

My DD 14 has horrendous periods- I suspect she might have PMDD which I also have. Her mood is terrible in the run up, can barely move for the first day, often throws up, is doubled over with cramps and it also often triggers migraines too. She often can’t get out of bed for a day- and this is with ibuprofen and paracetemol together.

It’s virtually impossible to get her to school- I have tried but she’s often too unwell. Last month she also leaked through her clothes and we had to pick her up as she was so distressed and embarrassed.

The school have said that they don’t view periods as a reason for a day off. I have tried to explain that DDs are severe but they said to me ‘periods can be treated with an ibuprofen’.

I would add that the medical team at school have also not been helpful at all and have at times refused to give her ibuprofen even with my permission. It all feels ridiculous. I think the way they have handled it has made her less keen to go in when she has her period as they handled the leak issue terribly and she was hysterical when we collected her. (They were very unsympathetic and wouldn’t let her ring home etc- tried to send her back to class and get her to wear someone else’s
clothes that didn’t fit properly- it just made things worse)

I think it’s probably PMDD- I have had it for years and it wasn’t diagnosed until much later for me - it’s been awful though and does need careful management particularly around mood. I have had suicidal ideation with it and don’t want my DD to go through that too.

Aibu to be cross at the schools stance though- I will have to get a proper doctors note I think but I think my annoyance comes from the general ‘take an ibuprofen and get on with it’ dismissive attitude when DD is genuinely unwell with it and I have explained this to them on multiple occasions.

No i would feel exactly the same in those circumstances. Definitely see a doctor and see if they will write a letter that you can give to school. I would also give her own painkillers so she can take them herself.

There’s 2 issues.

i know in my school they cannot give ibuprofen to under 16s now so I suspect that accounts for their refusal.

2nd one is that the GP should be doing something so she doesn’t suffer like this. School is right that she shouldn’t be missing her education due to periods. It’s absolutely right she can’t be in with the current situation but wrong she’s been left to suffer like this.

od be asking for methanamic acid and tranaxnamic acid (sp?) as well as some sort of pill to support her. Leaving her to suffer how she does is just cruel.

As for the absences whilst it’s sorted. Ignore school as you’re supporting your DD and she’s clearly not in any for state to attend.

Have you consulted a doctor about this. Ask to see a gynecologist even if you have to go private. This isn't normal and shouldn't be ignored. She could have an underlying issue such as female hemophilia or a gynecological issue such as endometriosis. The days where women had to just put up with bad periods should be long gone.

Why have you not taken her to the doctors sooner?
if you were diagnosed late, and this caused more problems for yourself.. surely getting her to the doctors sooner should be a priority?

I was giving her tablets to take in as the medical room was so useless but they keep confiscating them as the school does bag searches 🤪

Yeah I was like this and so was my dd.

she’s old enough you can probably trust her to carry her own painkillers. Schools aren’t always on the ball with this one even if you give permission.

but just don’t send her in when she’s too ill and take the flack for her.

I was eventually diagnosed with endo and had an operation which helped.

I missed a few days of school with terrible periods when I was that age. There were points where I literally couldn't leave the bathroom. So I really do appreciate that periods can be totally debilitating.

The doctors put me on tranexamic acid and I used to take ibuprofen and cocodamol as well. But even that didn't help and the circumstances described above kept happening, so that wasn't really a sustainable way of life so in the end I went on the pill age 13 which sorted it out.

I had to put up with some stuff teenagers don't necessarily want to do - using tampons from day one do that I had more protection on top of nighttime pads all the time.

I really do see that your daughter is clearly badly impacted by her periods but presumably finding a way to stop her missing school every month has to be top of the to do list? Probably at the same time as trying to get the school to take how debilitating they are seriously.

That’s really shit.

GP may be able to prescribe mefenamic acid which is a stronger painkiller.

keep her off if she’s ill.

GP may (mine needed a lot of persuasion) prescribe the pill which in some women can help. My dd went on it at 14 and it did seem to help a bit.

The school is being ridiculous. I’m sure it’s not the case, but your post reads as if you are doing very little about the situation and your DD is suffering needlessly. By 13 I was on the pill and other meds for very similar issues. It absolutely needs you to take a very proactive approach to advocating for her to be trialling whatever OCP and medication she needs to address the issue. Not so much for school, just for her own life and wellbeing. That’s an awful way to live when you don’t have to.

We have been once - the doc wasn’t brilliant either and because she’s young didn’t want to diagnose as said it’s quite common for early periods to be like this - obviously will now take her back

The pill isnt an easy option either with PMDD- I am progesterone intolerant and the pill made made my suicidal ideation worse and I wasn’t able to take it so I have been reluctant- it also hasn’t been offered as an option at this stage

You need to ensure that she is not one of millions of girls worldwide who miss out on education because of periods. You need to:

1. See a doctor with her. Repeatedly if necessary
2. Offer period pants in addition to other protection to help her avoid bleeding through and give her something to change into
3. Pack her own additional clothing option if possible
4. If they call you, bring her clothes rather than bringing her home
5. Pack her ibuprofen with a note and a phone call to the school first

It's awful that she's in this situation, but why are you blaming school when you are allowing it to affect her future.

You haven’t particularly pushed this down the healthcare route though so on the one hand you’re saying this is so awful for your daughter but then from the school’s perspective you haven’t got a GP involved so it really doesn’t look that serious.

And I thought my daughter's school were bad! That is absolutely horrendous and could be really catastrophic if you are already struggling to get her in. I'd honestly be looking to change schools in these circumstances because it won't change.

However I don't understand why, if it is this bad, she isn't at least on prescription pain killers. Have you been to the doctor? She needs to be seen and taken seriously. There are options to treat this other than paracetamol and ibuprofen and you need to pushing this as she shouldn't have to be living like this.

I don't want to judge because you haven't mentioned the GP at all but on the basis of your post it sounds like you are also minimising the problem by not getting her some help.

My older dd1 was nearly as bad (17 now). She was prescribed transexamic acid first. Then put on the combined pill last year at 16. Still not 100% OK, but much better.

My 14 yo dd2 is now starting to have similar issues! So I feel your pain OP. It really sucks being female IMHO.

GPs work on the assumption that if it’s bad enough you’ll be back.

i had this and my DD had this and unfortunately the only way to get any sort of treatment is to be a constant nuisance to the GP.

So the school think ibuprofen will solve things but also won't let her take them in school?

I think unless you have had a bad period you have no idea what it is like. For me throwing up in school made them pay attention. I was still asked why I was off 'regularly' by a male teacher. My response of, "Yes it's every 28 days" sorted him out.

OP please don't let your DD suffer, I tried lots of different things, prescription meds of various types. Eventually I went on the pill.

My mother was furious that I was on it but it was the only thing that worked.

Sorry I've just seen t that you have answered about the GP while I was posting. Take her back and keep taking her back. I had awful periods at her age and my daughter has had an absolutely terrible time. Don't let anyone minimise it.

If you aren’t pushing the issue with medical professionals then school has no reason to think this is as serious as you’re saying. Get your daughter some help

We have been to the docs and their approach was very much wait and see, it’s quite common in girls this age etc. Obviously I am about to take her back

You make a nuisance of yourself at the doctors

Hi, we had similar problems. Luckily our school was more understanding. Her mental health issues (which are always there) get much worse during her period but physical issues have been intolerable too. Sometimes vomiting, loads of pain, weakness and fatigue. Taking 3 or 4 tranexamic acid on days 1-4 with feminax express has been life changing. Some months are still bad even with the medication but not as bad. And some months with this medication routine, she has coped quite well. She is also on Sertraline for her mental health which has helped but she takes the other two along side it during her period and that helps with the physical issues. It is awful, feel so sorry for your daughter and mine. Very unfair that they have to go through this. You need to either get the school on board or send her in with her own medicine which she can take herself.

How long has she been having periods OP? My 14 yo started at 11, so its been 3 years already.

My 17 yo started at 13 and started the pill 3 years later.

If it's been over a year, that is enough time for them to settle down if they were going to.

Ask the GP for either tranexamic + mefanamic acid tablets or the combined pill.

When you go back to the gp get them to prescribe the ibuprofen and that way school will have to store and administer it. I would strongly recommend a second opinion with the gp and really push that this is impacting her daily life, unable to access education, participate in sport etc. Women get fobbed off with heavy periods, expected to just get on with it. If you were bleeding heavily and in that much pain from any other place on your body you'd get a lot more support.

My dd has very strong prescription painkillers and an anti-cramping medication. She still has a fairly awful time compared to most, but occasionally she accidentally misses the window for taking the meds on time and we get a glimpse of what life would be like without meditation. She vomits and passes out from the pain. Unbearable. Strong meds make her life livable.