AIBU to be cross about school dismissing my daughter's severe periods?

[Meetmeinlove]

My DD 14 has horrendous periods- I suspect she might have PMDD which I also have. Her mood is terrible in the run up, can barely move for the first day, often throws up, is doubled over with cramps and it also often triggers migraines too. She often can’t get out of bed for a day- and this is with ibuprofen and paracetemol together.

It’s virtually impossible to get her to school- I have tried but she’s often too unwell. Last month she also leaked through her clothes and we had to pick her up as she was so distressed and embarrassed.

The school have said that they don’t view periods as a reason for a day off. I have tried to explain that DDs are severe but they said to me ‘periods can be treated with an ibuprofen’.

I would add that the medical team at school have also not been helpful at all and have at times refused to give her ibuprofen even with my permission. It all feels ridiculous. I think the way they have handled it has made her less keen to go in when she has her period as they handled the leak issue terribly and she was hysterical when we collected her. (They were very unsympathetic and wouldn’t let her ring home etc- tried to send her back to class and get her to wear someone else’s
clothes that didn’t fit properly- it just made things worse)

I think it’s probably PMDD- I have had it for years and it wasn’t diagnosed until much later for me - it’s been awful though and does need careful management particularly around mood. I have had suicidal ideation with it and don’t want my DD to go through that too.

Aibu to be cross at the schools stance though- I will have to get a proper doctors note I think but I think my annoyance comes from the general ‘take an ibuprofen and get on with it’ dismissive attitude when DD is genuinely unwell with it and I have explained this to them on multiple occasions.

It’s humiliating asking for meds for periods, an invasion of privacy and an added hassle when doubled up in agony.

It doesn't have to be and it shouldn't be. Those of us that work in school medical rooms may have to operate within a framework but that doesn't mean we're indiscreet or unsympathetic.

We have a medical admin office off our medical room, in which I've created a quiet corner. Any student can ask to speak to us in here rather than in the main room. We would store medication in here on request so it can be given discreetly and we also keep period supplies including wipes, spare pants and tights in here so we don't have to hand these things over with an audience. Myself and my assistant are aware of our students who are neurodivergent and familiar with their LSPs. We will always give them extra time, allow them to call home for reassurance or ask for support from one of their trusted adults within school if needed.

I will also add that generally speaking most teenagers - including the lads, see menstruation as normal part of life. The girls will openly ask for pain relief for cramps, pop in for san pro etc and I have yet to see any of the boys make it an issue. I've even on the odd occasion had a lad pop in to get supplies for his girlfriend!

Ffs is this still going on??? That's awful.

Yes, as I said earlier, all in the process of professionals working together to evaluate and solve the barriers to this pupil’s barriers to her education.
This includes LA education/medical officer.

This parent is involving the GP, in the process.

The school governors/trustees are accountable for ensuring the school meets the requirements.

Pmdd here. I found combo of marvelon combined pill and sertraline leading up to period

Has she tried tranexamic acid. I found it helped a little.

Tbh best thing was mirena. I found consultant gynea who would numb my cervix and use gas and air as it was pre kids. Best thing ever did. Still had minor bleeding and used sertraline but game chnager

Who gives a shit what the school think, she can’t go in like that. I had the same with my daughter and she missed 1-2 days a month until we’d found something to help from the GP.

This happened to me. I had to use heavy duty tampons and night pads, change them hourly and regularly stained my clothes.

school staff looked at me with disgust and implied I was just a slovenly child who couldn’t manage a simply bodily function.

I’ve had an ablation and am no longer a prisoner in my own home for 5 days every 3 weeks.

take your DD to a sexual health clinic and see if they can give her something to stem the bleeding?

The parent has not yet involved the GP in any way with what is going on in school - it says in her OP that she “will have to” get a proper doctor’s note. There is no point getting cross with the school before she has made any effort to provide any medical evidence that her child’s periods are severely abnormal. Just saying you have been to the GP and they said it may be normal at her age is not medical evidence of a problem.

This is crazy. I was prescribed mefenamic acid by a GP in the 80s - why should there be a wait for the GP to do anything here?! 🤷

That's simply an absolutely shit doctor. Outrageous. See a different doctor.

I wasn’t. I was left struggling with endometriosis for years. I used to get sent home from school because I was so unwell during my periods. Also NSAIDs aren’t risk free so just prescribing Mefenamic acid is only a short term fix. (I have IBD which may be linked to NSAID use).

I've heard that Buscopan helps with severe period cramps.
Sorry about your DD's problems. Periods are shit!

She did the school took them off her.

As I said, earlier , these schools are run like a young offenders unit at the moment not quite sure why the need for the micromanagement teachers and children

No good if the school won’t let them take it

I have PMDD and I was always off school for my periods. I get full on migraines though where I lose my vision with an aura so no one has tried to say I should be in school.

As an adult I have to have roughly a day off work a month. Luckily my employers have always been understanding.

This thread is so annoying - most people clearly don't understand how severe PMDD can be. People commit suicide over it!

Update - I have contacted the doctor and asked for an appointment to discuss it all.

School are still being ridiculous and still saying a period isn’t a valid reason for a day off- it’s so fucking patriarchal in its ‘take an ibuprofen and get on with it’ messaging 🙄