AIBU to be cross about school dismissing my daughter's severe periods?

[Meetmeinlove]

My DD 14 has horrendous periods- I suspect she might have PMDD which I also have. Her mood is terrible in the run up, can barely move for the first day, often throws up, is doubled over with cramps and it also often triggers migraines too. She often can’t get out of bed for a day- and this is with ibuprofen and paracetemol together.

It’s virtually impossible to get her to school- I have tried but she’s often too unwell. Last month she also leaked through her clothes and we had to pick her up as she was so distressed and embarrassed.

The school have said that they don’t view periods as a reason for a day off. I have tried to explain that DDs are severe but they said to me ‘periods can be treated with an ibuprofen’.

I would add that the medical team at school have also not been helpful at all and have at times refused to give her ibuprofen even with my permission. It all feels ridiculous. I think the way they have handled it has made her less keen to go in when she has her period as they handled the leak issue terribly and she was hysterical when we collected her. (They were very unsympathetic and wouldn’t let her ring home etc- tried to send her back to class and get her to wear someone else’s
clothes that didn’t fit properly- it just made things worse)

I think it’s probably PMDD- I have had it for years and it wasn’t diagnosed until much later for me - it’s been awful though and does need careful management particularly around mood. I have had suicidal ideation with it and don’t want my DD to go through that too.

Aibu to be cross at the schools stance though- I will have to get a proper doctors note I think but I think my annoyance comes from the general ‘take an ibuprofen and get on with it’ dismissive attitude when DD is genuinely unwell with it and I have explained this to them on multiple occasions.

Please don’t agree to put her on the pill, it will only mask it slightly and she will have to deal with it on her own in the future. Be her advocate now, push for a referral to a gynaecologist. If you’re able to get diagnosis you will help her in the long run, in regards to protected disabilities in the workplace and it will also sort the current school issue. This likely isn’t an issue that is going away.

Disgraceful attitude from the school. If it was boys having these sort of issues,you could guarantee that they'd be bending over backwards to make allowances.

I just want to pick up on something in your post. Schools don't have "medical teams". They have a bunch of random staff, often without anything more than GCSEs as their qualifications, who have first aid qualifications. School staff are not qualified to diagnose or treat illnesses. The others are right - it is your doctor who needs to do that. Your anger should not be towards the school, but towards whatever medical professionals you've seen who've refused to help your daughter.

No, the health care plan would include access to medication as agreed, stored, signed for etc.

As far as the school’s hands been tied, I’m not so sure. (See photo showing text from the DfE guidance. The plan can be about the known rather than what we are still to find out, but adapting again if we do.

The healthcare plan allows for all parties to work together too, problem solving through adaptations so that the pupil accesses the education she is entitled to.

For there to be a medical condition, there must first be a diagnosis. There isn't any diagnosis.

The document you link: "In making decisions about the support they provide, schools should establish relationships with relevant local health services to help them. It is crucial that schools receive and fully consider advice from healthcare professionals."

In the OP's case, no advice from healthcare professionals has been provided.

Also from the document you shared: " Local authorities should work with schools to support pupils with medical conditions to attend full-time. Where pupils would not receive a suitable education in a mainstream school because of their health needs, the local authority has a duty to make other arrangements."

The problem is that the schools (I’m not in the 🇬🇧) are riddled with bureaucracy and compliance and it’s quite often not their own policy, it’s one from the region/higher up. Our school recently hired a full time compliance officer and it’s honestly a nightmare with all the paperwork that is now required - but I like my job so I’m not going to “make allowances”… (though we don’t do bag checks, that seems invasive)
The school have said periods are not a reason to miss school - this (in the majority of cases) is true. There are always exceptions to every policy and for students that are the exceptions then they need paperwork to support this. At the moment you have a daughter that has periods that you say are bad but no medical paperwork supports this. I believe you, the school most likely believes you, but they need the paperwork to justify the policy exception and to allow the medication.
Your priority should be seeing a better GP/gynaecologist and getting a proper diagnosis and treatment plan in place, have them write a letter covering treatment, medication and what protocol to follow should student present to office unwell - this can then be passed along to the school.

And crucially: "Any member of school staff may be asked to provide support to pupils with medical conditions, including the administering of medicines, although they cannot be required to do so."

Yeah you'll need to be firm with the GP & ask for a different GP if you don't leave feeling listened to and with a hospital referral pending. don't be fobbed off. Say you want referral to gynaecology specialist etc. Over-exaggerate every symptom she has so they take it seriously . Also complain in writing to the head teacher/governors and say you are waiting for a referral but that you don't expect your DD to be treated this way and have her symptoms minimalised like this.

Stop telling them it’s periods then. Say it’s recurrent abdominal pain and vomiting/migraine. If they say ‘isn’t it her period’ say ‘no otherwise it would be better after ibuprofen like you said so it must be something else’.

I’m so sorry she’s going through this. They’re bang out of order. There’s this prevailing notion that when girls start their periods its all light - just look at teenage period product packaging? All butterflies and tiny pads. For me it was horrifically heavy with clots as bad as I have now in perimenopause. It really annoys me and they need to grow up. Heavy period pants are visible too in the leggings / school uniform they like to wear. I think the first thing is to get a GP letter of diagnosis and sit down with the school. It’s so sad that girls pain and suffering is brushed off like this.

And should not be doing without the appropriate training in any case.

My friends daughter used to go to school with a strip of ibuprofen tucked into her bra but that isn’t the issue.
You need to get your daughter seen by a gynaecologist for proper management as it must be awful for her every month knowing how ill she is going to be.
With periods like these she is likely to become anaemic which is an extra problem as well as awful mood swings.

"No, the health care plan would include access to medication as agreed, stored, signed for etc"

As opposed to this parent who is surreptitiously giving ( unprescribed?) medication to her daughter to keep in her school bag then complaining when the school confiscates it for safeguarding reasons....

Gynaecologist waits are insanely long.

Not for the healthcare plan.

Well you will be fobbed off if you want a quick appointment as there isn’t one.

My daughter vomits with the pain. Either girls should be given time off or they should be able to carry medication whilst waiting for gynaecology treatment . It’s humiliating asking for meds for periods, an invasion of privacy and an added hassle when doubled up in agony.

The NHS target for non-urgent consultant-led gynaecology treatment is 18 weeks. However, due to severe backlogs, average waiting times for gynaecology are significantly longer.
Current wait times generally break down as follows:
Initial Consultation: An average of 27 weeks (some hospital trusts report waits up to 55 weeks).
Treatment/Surgery following consultation: An average of 38 weeks.
Total Wait Time: The average total time from GP referral to treatment is approximately 65 weeks.

"It’s humiliating asking for meds for periods, an invasion of privacy and an added hassle when doubled up in agony."

The daughter won't have to do this. The parent should disclose the medication to the school, allow them to store it at reception/ office so they can hand it to the child when it's needed, at the agreed intervals.

Teachers would be told that said pupil should be allowed to go to the office to take said medication at break or lunchtime or whichever lesson period the time interval requires. No teacher needs to know what the medication is for.

The trouble here is the parent is not liaising with the school or being honest with them and obviously if it's prescribed medication they cannot administer it without the dosage and frequency instructions from the GP.

It's 9 weeks for appointment and 21 weeks for treatment at my local hospital. We are doing really well, it seems.

My dd would hate that as would many others with ND. There is no reason why she can’t take a couple of tablets and keep them on her person. If she was to overdose( unlikely)it would cause little damage if under 8 in 24 hours. Frankly having a day off is preferable. Periods for some are brutal.

Yes you are, my mother has been waiting in agony for 2 years.

Her school are shut. It’s three attitudes they mean those of us with extremely painful periods just get views as drama queens. I had horrendous period pain and heavy glow from the age of 13, my mum took me back and forward to the GP who couldn’t have given less of a shit. They gave me mefenamic acid, but I just threw them up half dissolved. Same with any painkiller.

After a while the GP said‘Mrs xxxx what do you want me to do?’ My mum went full Scottish mammy on him ‘your bloody job, did you just go to University for the pubs? She is suffering, she’s at breaking point and has her exams this year!’ He gave me the pill and it was life changing.

"There is no reason why she can’t take a couple of tablets and keep them on her person."

Patently wrong. Rtft. There are many reasons schools do not allow children to keep medication on them ( if found) as many posters have already discussed.

The photo you attached specifies that “this would normally involve some form of medical evidence,” as well as starting with, “schools do not have to wait for a formal diagnosis.” This strongly implies active consultation with medical professionals is the expectation, and also that evidence of this is required to be shared with the school - it would allow for a long waiting list to see a gynaecologist, for example, but is clearly not intended to mean the school must just take the parents’ word for it without the sharing of a lot of otherwise confidential medical information and evidence that a diagnosis is actively being sought.

Not RTFT so apologies if this has already been said.

Whilst you are waiting for the GP to do something this may help a bit

1. Start taking ibuprofen a day or two before her period starts. This damps down the prostaglandin build up which may help with pain. Ibuprofen also reduces blood flow (not as much as tranexamic acid but it is a recognised treatment for heavy periods)
2. Buy 12 hour timed release ibuprofen for her to take before school (just make sure she doesn’t take it on an empty stomach). Boots do them for example.
3. Buscopan can help with cramps

These are not in lieu of seeing the GP and hopefully getting a referral. Also speak to your GP about protecting your DD stomach if she is regularly taking NSAIDS.

Some schools allow it and never once was my daughter’s bag searched anyway.