AIBU to be cross about school dismissing my daughter's severe periods?

[Meetmeinlove]

My DD 14 has horrendous periods- I suspect she might have PMDD which I also have. Her mood is terrible in the run up, can barely move for the first day, often throws up, is doubled over with cramps and it also often triggers migraines too. She often can’t get out of bed for a day- and this is with ibuprofen and paracetemol together.

It’s virtually impossible to get her to school- I have tried but she’s often too unwell. Last month she also leaked through her clothes and we had to pick her up as she was so distressed and embarrassed.

The school have said that they don’t view periods as a reason for a day off. I have tried to explain that DDs are severe but they said to me ‘periods can be treated with an ibuprofen’.

I would add that the medical team at school have also not been helpful at all and have at times refused to give her ibuprofen even with my permission. It all feels ridiculous. I think the way they have handled it has made her less keen to go in when she has her period as they handled the leak issue terribly and she was hysterical when we collected her. (They were very unsympathetic and wouldn’t let her ring home etc- tried to send her back to class and get her to wear someone else’s
clothes that didn’t fit properly- it just made things worse)

I think it’s probably PMDD- I have had it for years and it wasn’t diagnosed until much later for me - it’s been awful though and does need careful management particularly around mood. I have had suicidal ideation with it and don’t want my DD to go through that too.

Aibu to be cross at the schools stance though- I will have to get a proper doctors note I think but I think my annoyance comes from the general ‘take an ibuprofen and get on with it’ dismissive attitude when DD is genuinely unwell with it and I have explained this to them on multiple occasions.

Def contact gp, my 14yo dd is taking cocodamol and mefamanic acid tablets plus tranexamic for pain and heavy periods

I said as a rule and yes Im happy with those that need it to engage with life and education.

We're very reluctant in this country to medicate children and while caution is always needed for adults and children about any medication, proper oversight with regular reviews, the amount of people suffering because 'medication = bad' means we have people who cant work, kids who cant go to school, kids who are getting involved in the criminal justice system and being a risk due to dysregulation and impulse control issues. We are not doing any favours by taking this almost blanket approach.

Exactly this!

She also has a heat pad she wears under uniform (usb charged)

Are you in the UK? Honestly, they won't even consider it despite the devastating impact this has all had on her and us as a family.

Dr Cara Williams, Gynaecology | Nuffield Health https://share.google/IeOltcsM7Xm1ovxUp thos kind of specialist - I've picked one at random. It's normally about £200 although there may be a separate charge for a scan such as an ultrasound.

GPs are generalists. They know a little about a lot.

I agree but this is why I said the OP needs to gp the the GP so that she can approach the school with something tangible that they can act on and put a care plan and reasonable adjustments in place.

It's not schools being difficult. We have to follow the law and if a medical condition is so serious that a child needs frequent or regular time off school, then there has to be medical evidence to back it up.

I don't agree with doctor's notes for short illnesses but schools also need to be sure that parents are doing everything they can/should be doing too and where a child is off frequently for the same condition and yet no medical advice has been sought, then it becomes a safeguarding concern.

Find a paediactric gynaecologist (they do exist but take some searching most gynaes won't see under 18's) the paediatric gynae I found was amazing in comparison to the GP I did pay though not sure if you would find it easy under the NHS.

Keep pushing with the GP OP, and if you don’t get anywhere look for your local sexual health service like Spectrum or Terrance Higgins Trust. My DD started her periods at 10. By 13 they were making her so ill that she fainted and bashed her head on the toilet resulting in 4 stitches. She went down to under 6 stone due to the constant vomiting.

there are a couple of things the GP can try. Transzamic acid is the first, it enables clotting but this didn’t work for us. Anti sickness, stronger painkillers. My daughter was also tested for any blood clotting disorders which then picked up Von Willebrand disease. Eventually she was started on the mini pill and this did make a great difference and enable her to get through school.

Now age 17 she visited her local SH services at 16 and they were brilliant. Referred her for an ultrasound to rule out any gynae issues and once that was clear, she started on the combined pill which has been honestly life changing. I know you’re saying she can’t have the pill, but this is based on your diagnosis not hers so you need to get everything checked first. You have my sympathy OP, good luck.

School is correct that she can’t be missing education monthly but it’s the gp and specialists that need to offer treatment or consider the pill? If she’s that severely affected she needs urgent medical intervention

"I was giving her tablets to take in as the medical room was so useless but they keep confiscating them as the school does bag searches 🤪"

Many schools have a policy that medications for pupils must be kept at the office and handed out to put at the prescribed intervals for safeguarding reasons ...

SSRIs? Yes. SSRI at 4yo, ADHD meds at 6yo, periods at 11yo, OCP at 12yo, change SSRI at 15yo, added SNRI at 16yo. You seem very anti medication. Must be nice to be able to function and live without needing meds. Not an option for some of us.

Not NHS doctors. Not in the UK. Private doctors.

I honestly don't know what you expect school to do in this situation.
Of course they are not going to allow your child to have an unlimited amount of time off especially if you are not actively trying to get solutions/support for her.
As her parent you need to be contacting the doctors (repeatedly if needs be) It sounds absolutely horrible for her. You are her advocate.

I've just had to do this for my own similarly aged daughter who has dietary issues arising from autism and ADHD. I did try to get an NHS dietician to see her but gave up 7 months after the GP referral.

I pay for tuition for my children to cover school they miss due to chronic illness. But most people can't afford that. I can't magic their conditions away

No. Australia. We went to a private dev paed.

Go to the GP and ask for mefenamic acid for n the first instance. This is a stronger painkiller. If that doesn’t work then ask for the pill. If that doesn’t work, ask for referral to gynae.

Reassure your daughter that you are are advocating for her and taking it seriously.

The gynae can offer the mirena under anaesthetic and an mri to check for endometriosis. Although a diagnosis won’t necessarily change anything it will mean that school will take it more seriously.

She will not be started on antidepressants as only a psychiatrist can prescribe in this age group.

Nah dont blame school.refusal on parents refusing to medicate kids. We had a lot of unhappy kids in schools for generations and they still went or they didnt go and very often found something as productive to do with their time in terms of learning a skill.

And in fact, any school refusing child i do know personally who is now on such meds hasn't gone back to school. They're more depressed and isolated in their rooms, making life hell at home for family, and yes, notably bigger than they were.

I think we have to look at why we are producing such anxious children and it is more to do with how we parent now.

Take her back to the GP and request a female doctor if you had a male last time. Explain in detail everything she is experiencing, and the school’s stance. If they don’t respond supportively, ask to be referred to a specialist. She may need a contraceptive of some sort to calm it down.

You can buy tranexamic acid OTC. It's not cheap but may give her some relief. I was kicking myself for not trying it earlier as I had always had terrible periods. It really was fantastic for me and brought them back to manageable.

Many children are prescribed them and for many it is effective, so there is clearly a route available to those who have exhausted other avenues first - which we have. Personally, I'd rather have a time limited, well monitored trial of medication (having failed with non medicated avenues) than continue to witness the far worse devastating effect of seeing and hearing my 9yo dd repeatedly using suicidal language, being unable to engage with education or even the same normal life activities that her peers are able to enjoy.

Ah makes sense.

Yeah I'm anti serious brain altering medication for anyone who doesnt need it, but especially kids.

By 4? You'd exhausted all avenues?

When you go to the GP please impress upon them the impact it is having on her daily life-missing school, anxiety around leakage etc.

You need to get the ball rolling now as it’s trial and error sometimes with meds and the gynae referrals are a long wait. She will have her GCSEs coming up and she can’t miss school on an exam day

Also, I'm a secondary school teacher. My school would give the medication from reception. Our receptionists are trained first aiders. Your daughter could also carry medication and heat pads in her bag.

I will look up schools' guidance on giving medication.

I would keep her off every time she needs painkillers to function and write neutrally on the absence reporting form "I am keeping DD at home as she requires painkillers which you will not permit in school".

I think this and the clothing issue merits a formal.complaint.