AIBU to think my partner could have been a bit more understanding on holiday?

[georgiexox]

We've just got back from a city break and I've been upset since we got back.

I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years. I know I have, and I'm trying to lose it, but it's not easy. My partner is naturally slim and loves walking.

We booked a holiday staying in the centre with the intention that most stuff was within walking distance. I genuinely thought I'd cope, but I completely underestimated it. By the second day my feet and back were aching, I was exhausted and finding the hills really difficult.

I kept going because I didn't want to spoil the holiday, but on the third day I asked if we could get taxis for some of the longer walks. My partner looked disappointed and said we'd chosen this type of holiday so we could explore on foot, and we'd miss loads if we started getting taxis everywhere.

He wasn't nasty about it I guess, but was clearly disappointed/frustrated. I ended up sitting in a café on my own for a while in the afternoon while he carried on sightseeing because I just couldn't manage any more walking.

He told me he thought we'd be doing it all together and was disappointed things hadn't worked out that way. I do totally understand that and I felt guilty because I obviously know my weight was the reason.

At the same time, I couldn't help wishing he'd just said, "Don't worry, let's get a taxi," instead of making me feel like I'd spoiled the trip. He says I knew what sort of holiday we'd booked and never said I was worried beforehand, which is true.

AIBU for thinking he could have been a bit more understanding, or is this entirely on me?

I think you have had quite intrusive comments made which were totally uncalled for. Especially the person that worked out your weight and then announced it to everyone, pretty savage I thought

A walking holiday isn’t for everyone, and now you know. Sorry you had to listen to all the negativity.

even just starting off doing 15 mins a day on a cross trainer while walking fast will
massively help as would going for a walk after work every day for half an hour to start with - power walking works every muscle in the body and you won’t just get fitter you will also lose weight and tone up everywhere too so win win :)

I am in the same position OP. I have been in the position of underestimating walks as I am overweight too but my partner, who is a lot fitter than me, has always been understanding and we have got a taxi/ a lift from friends back. You done your best for 2 days, struggled and put up with it so in my opinion he should have been more thoughtful of you as you have been with him.

Especially leaving you in a cafe. Maybe you should have looked for novel transport to get about like old trains, rickshaw and tuk tuks depending on where you were. But there's normally some interesting transport abroad. If you were over here, ok taxi is the only adventure possible!. I think its time to get some glp1s on board. You'll feel like a new woman. Or he might.

Im soory your holiday was spoliked. A desk too is really unhelpful ive always been a suze 8-10 until pandemic managed to gain 2.5 stine snacking & inactivity. Im double ypur age. The steps you walked werent that many so i understand how he thought you should have been able to kerp up. Lick your wounds & get a cheap argos step tracker. Then taje half hour lunch breaks or walk before or after work like a fake commute. Start small like 3k steps and build up gradually. A you will lose weight and b feel better. It took me a while of consistency to make a big difference. A 20 min walk a day isnr mych out of your day and the tracker motivate. Keeo saying to yourself walking is hard and i dont really like it but being unfit and spoiling my holidays health is hard choose my hard keep repeating as you walk you will beginti believe the walking is the better hard. Good luck you can do it. Just make a small daily start x

Sorry typing no glasses hope you get the gist

Sorry edited post as for some reason tge typing fairy on my phone added 'virginity',whilst I was talking about transport.

I went on a huge holiday recently which I knew would involve lots of walking- I’m also still overweight (WLI- bloody marvellous). I knew we would be doing up to 30k steps a day so trained for the holiday and got decent shoes, was still knackered and after 11days my feet were sore, as were his! I persisted also because I had planned the itinerary.
I can see his point, but also as the fat unfit one out of me and my DH, I can also see yours, to a point. Perhaps you should have been more insistent on a taxi or met him at destination whilst he walked.
so I’d say both of you could have done better. Currently on a holiday where it is up and down , and the bloody heat is doing me in, let alone the walking!

I’ve got to say the amount of people on here giving advice on weight loss is bothering me. The OP didn’t ask for that. I think people need to be more sensitive to how it must feel being given unsolicited weight loss advice when they’ve already said they are trying to lose weight and they’re finding it hard. It’s their choice whether to lose weight and also their choice how to go about that. People are making it seem easy with their advice and I find that condescending. Everybody’s bodies and abilities in this area are different. Best of luck OP with everything - personally I think your other half could have compromised and been more sympathetic. You haven’t ruined the holiday. 🩷

It’s not hypocrisy to know that being fat is generally due to overeating and lack of exercise and still think it’s not OK to come on a thread where a woman has asked for relationship advice and sneer at her for being fat.

The fact that you you can’t tell the difference between expressing a view about being overweight in the context of a discussion about whether fat phobia exists and choosing to insult someone looking for support is fucking weird.

but only slightly less fucking weird than you stalking threads from last year to try and win an internet argument 🤷‍♀️

People just don't read things properly, do they?

See a quack, it sounds like it may not just be the weight causing problems. If its the joints no amount of comfy shoes will improve your comfort so to speak. I'm not saying its all painkillers and surgery from now on. But physiotherapy is where they send everyone now, they can tell better if they can help by themselves or whether to refer on to ortho or other clinics. The exercises themselves should help loosen you up. But there maybe something easily sortable behind it. It should help with weight too. You may well get prescribed the glp1s that are sooo popular

See a quack, it sounds like it may not just be the weight causing problems. If its the joints no amount of comfy shoes will improve your comfort so to speak. I'm not saying its all painkillers and surgery from now on. But physiotherapy is where they send everyone now, they can tell better if they can help by themselves or whether to refer on to ortho or other clinics. The exercises themselves should help loosen you up. But there maybe something easily sortable behind it. It should help with weight too. You may well get prescribed the glp1s that are sooo popular

I’m a size 16 and exactly a 30 bmi ( have lost 2 stone in last year to get down to this) - I don’t feel obese, my H says I look fantastic fir64 ( bless him) and I eat really well , but yep on paper I am I guess - We recently were I. Düsseldorf and Bonn and I did 22,000 steps every single day for 6 days without much effort - still managed to put 1.5kg on ( wine every evening I guess) my normal is around 9,000 a day - To be honest my biggest issue would be the expectation my H or partner wanted a 24/7 experience rather than some time mooching on his own - I simply am not keen on no mental space at all - and if I wanted to sit in a cafe for 40 minutes on mumsnetxwhijst he marched off around record shops or bookshops or whatever - I would prefer that - I certainly don’t expect to be dictated to about ‘it’s an active holiday and we will walk all day, every day’ etc!!

I think you’ve been taking all the comments very thoughtfully and calmly. Many would have hurt my feelings! Your BF sounds a bit questionable- doesn’t sound like he’s very respectful or open with you. Also sounds like you have some work to do around your weight. But you sound like a very sensible person- weight isn’t a reflection of your soul, whereas disrespecting another person is a bit darker.

I know youre asking for opinions, but people can be so judgemental on here! If you'd left out your opinion on your weight, and just said 'I was hacked off with walking everywhere and then he left me in a cafe for the afternoon' I suspect you'd be getting quite different replies. Turns out women quite enjoy being anonymous and making others feel bad. Says more about them than you. Suspect you have questions about this relationship beyond the holiday.....

I’m 59 and overweight, and we’re racking up more than 15,000 most days on holiday currently. 12,000 to 16,000 steps a day is 3-4 hours walking at a steady pace. I would expect to be able to do that easily although normally I get 7-8000 in.

Maybe he thought the exercise would be good for you. Did you tell him you were suffering or did you expect him to notice?

It sounds like you're unfit, but obviously, going from a standing start to miles and miles of walking was never going to work.

I don't think you are reasonable or unreasonable, this to me is a communication error. From one overweight Mumsnetter to another, please take it as a kick up the jacksy to start on health oriented changes to your lifestyle. XxX

@Kallos 😂 keep going by all means. Maybe search a few more of my other threads and cut and paste out of context quotes.

it’s fucking weird and slightly unhinged behaviour. you know that right?

It’s a total derail but since you’re determined to shame me for supporting the OP: I don’t think people who “allow their DC to be on their iPads for hours a day” are shit parents - that’s more judgement from you.

i think - which is clear if you read that thread - there are myriad ways in which we are all imperfect: fast food, crap TV, spending all day in pyjamas etc etc. all of which occur because people lack discipline.

Overeating and lack of exercise fall into the same category. That’s not a value judgement - I already posted my lazy arse 3000 steps a day.

you are either really struggling with comprehension or hypocrisy doesn’t mean what you think it does.

Sympathy here. I’m 5’2” and DP is 6’
He made me walk all round Paris at 6 months pregnant (mainly because he was too tight to pay for public transport)
Did the same in Amsterdam, years later with 2 DC!
I have learnt to put my foot down…
(pun partially intended)

Okay? OP didn’t ask you to share your personal step count did she

Overweight isn’t the only reason for backache! Perhaps OP needs to have it investigated.

You walked a lot OP! I’m being away for a city break. 50 miles over 5 days on foot! . And we used public transport! It’s so easy to get caught up in the exploration and not pace yourself. He’s a dick though. My travel companion was awesome. I had pain and tiredness issues, also fat, and let them know so we agreed on some sites and I’d do my bit and sit and they’d carry on and come back. It was fabulous.

my problem was not drinking enough and not taking compression socks! Absolute game changer for the latest trip.