Step mums comment regarding tanning beds has upset me

[TScarv]

I went for some food last night with my dad and step mum, I asked them if they’ve been away recently because they look very tanned, and they said no, they’ve just been using the tanning beds. My partner said he has never been on them but he might go on a few times before holiday so that he doesn’t burn, to which I replied that I don’t think it’s a good idea and he’d be best just protecting his skin in the sun. My dad said “you don’t like sun beds do you?” And I said no, they scare me. My step mum then said “I don’t care, it’s worth it”

AIBU to be a bit upset by this? Surely no one actually thinks that having a tan is worth getting skin cancer? Would she still have that same opinion if she’s hit with a melanoma diagnosis in the future? I didn’t say anything because it’s up to them what they want to do, and nothing to do with me. But the comment had upset me/annoyed me because I can’t wrap my head around how they value a tan over their skin health or life? Do people just not view skin cancer as important?

my grandma has smoked all her life and my dad has always begged her to stop but she didn’t. She now has COPD and is in a bad way and my dad is angry at her for not stopping years ago. But yet he’s messing with tanning beds?? How does that make sense?

You are understandably upset. They are being willfully stupid. Honestly, nothing is “worth” cancer. BUT, having given your opinion, you need to let it go. They will not change.

It isn’t ..there was just an appeal in the last few weeks from the NHS I think to stop using them

Overview

The NHS and cancer organizations, including the British Association of Dermatologists, state that there is no safe way to use sunbeds. Sunbeds emit concentrated UV radiation that can be more dangerous than natural sunlight, drastically increasing your risk of melanoma (skin cancer), premature aging, sunburn, and eye damage. 1, 2, 3]
The key risks and guidelines regarding sunbeds include:
Cancer Risk: Using a sunbed before the age of 35 increases your chance of melanoma by 75%. They are recognized as a leading, preventable cause of skin cancer in the UK. 1]
No Health Benefits: Sunbeds should not be used to boost Vitamin D. The safest way to get Vitamin D is through diet or supplements. 1]

It’s such a simple risk to avoid …

Just one use of a sunbed increases your risk of skin cancer by 20% and it might not show the evidence for 10 years.

Crazy the risk people take for vanity.

Where did you read this?

for a while I went to a gym and the instructors were all in their 20s and the clients were mostly middle aged women like me. The difference in attitudes towards tanning beds was huge- the young people really seemed to not see the problem with them whereas we were all aghast at the idea. I can’t u see tans the ignorance around them in the younger generation.

This report. If people have ever used sunbeds the risk it increases risk of 20%. Regular use increases that considerably It much even worse for people who start young. The radiation can damage the DNA in the cells.

Cutaneous melanoma attributable to sunbed use: systematic review and meta-analysis | The BMJ

The risks have been well known for many years - oddly the popularity seems to be increasing again.

I was a die-hard sunbed user in 2000-2005(ish) before I reallyyy knew the risks. Now, I’m scared shitless of them, even the sun actually. I worry that I have caused damage that’s waiting to present itself. I live in hope that I got off lightly🙏🏼

I Haven’t used them in over 18 years, I’m praying I got off lightly! I won’t touch them ever again, I’m very cautious of the sun too.

Breaking news, cancer is possibly caused by many things we do or come into contact with every day and no one gets out of here alive. I'm sure she didn't mean it.

I refuse to you use them because I have brains but no I cant get that upset about other people's choices on this, the less intelligent can fry their brain cells all they want although as usual the health system will have to waste resources picking up the pieces of course

People are vain and idiots. Also: tell your partner sunbeds don't protect you from cancer... Only sun screen and staying out of the sun does that.

I don't understand why anyone would use one, but it's silly for you to be "upset" by her comment. You can't police what others do, just keep out of it.

I just wanted to add to this that the UV ‘beds’ and ‘cabinets’ for medical purposes, usually very severe psoriasis and other skin conditions, are extremely specialised and medically supervised.

Even when I have spent time at the Dead Sea spa centre, there was clinic supervision and support.

Once you reach your maximum lifetime hours of UVB/UVA, that’s it. You are moved onto a new treatment.

I’m now on biologic injections.

And my skin? Perhaps it’s down to the medical supervision, the drive to moisturise with emollient x3 daily, and luck, but it’s very smooth and soft for my age. I do have BCCs though, and they are removed periodically at an NHS dermatology clinic. I always kept my face covered during treatments and interestingly have had no BCCs there.

I am surprised how dictortorial MN can be sometimes. It isn't up to you to instruct them how to live their lives. Constantly the people with very high BMIs on here are told they are being discriminated against and should embrace their bodies as they are which is just as life shortening. Wine o'clock is seen as a fun and edgy thing often. You can't control people's choices. In the scheme of things, a few sessions a year is not likely to kill anyone and if it does, then its very bad luck but they made their choice. To be upset and affected by it is narcissistic and I think you just didn't like being challenged when you said you didn't want your OH to do something. He is also a free human. Or at least, the poor bugger should be.

You're not wrong, but I voted that you are being unreasonable, because you won't make other adults like that change their minds.

I'm in Australia, tanning beds are banned here. do some people find ways to still use them? Yes, Do I think they're morons? Also yes.

Sometimes you just can't save people from themselves, but at the same time, we probably all have some area where we could do better. Too much red meat, too much to drink, not enough exercise, not the right exercise. I try my best with most things, but I'm not perfect. You've stated how you feel, you may have also upset them, move on and don't mention it again.

Some people who are already naturally more tanned (like me) tan ridiculously easy despite factor 50. My face, arms and chest area which have been more exposed recently than the rest of me are really brown right now because it’s been so hot here, I always wear sun cream.

This aside, I don’t know why you’re “upset” OP. It’s their skin and their choice to damage it. My mum abused sunbeds for years and got skin cancer about a decade ago. It wasn’t really a big deal, the mole was removed and she was fine so she now still sunbathes for hours.

My mum abused sunbeds for years and got skin cancer about a decade ago. It wasn’t really a big deal, the mole was removed and she was fine so she now still sunbathes for hours.

Malignant melanoma can kill you if it spreads just like any other primary cancer. Good that they caught your mums on time but to say "it's not a big deal" is extraordinarily ignorant.

She is perfectly entitled to hold and express her (wrong) opinion.

Where's the judgement? I am stating medical facts. I don't personally care what anyone does.

I don't blame you at all for being upset. You were just trying to give your DP some good (great), even lifesaving advice! Step mum is just being overly defensive

Yep. People get very defensive about this stuff. I couldn't give a toss what anyone else chooses to do with their own body - smoke if you want, drink like a fish, bake yourself silly under a tanning bed etc Its not affecting me in any way.

But at least make informed choices and be aware of the medical risks because some people here are claiming things that simply arent medically sound and are no more than old wives tales.

....it's funny. It's because I'm vain and don't want wrinkles (as well as skin cancer) that I stay away from sunbeds. It's fake tan all the way for me :).....and my skin is thanking me for it now I'm in my 50s but don't look it

I think it was probably a slightly defensive knee-jerk comment from your step mum. No-one likes their lifestyle choices criticised, even if you have their interests at heart! That’s not to say that your comment hasn’t hit home. Maybe it will make them think twice about their amount of sunbed use. You’ve kind of done all you can by mentioning the risk.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable here as surely most people do at least one thing that has been proven to be bad for you - smoking, drinking alcohol, eating bacon and sausages, not bothering to get enough exercise etc