Step mums comment regarding tanning beds has upset me

[TScarv]

I went for some food last night with my dad and step mum, I asked them if they’ve been away recently because they look very tanned, and they said no, they’ve just been using the tanning beds. My partner said he has never been on them but he might go on a few times before holiday so that he doesn’t burn, to which I replied that I don’t think it’s a good idea and he’d be best just protecting his skin in the sun. My dad said “you don’t like sun beds do you?” And I said no, they scare me. My step mum then said “I don’t care, it’s worth it”

AIBU to be a bit upset by this? Surely no one actually thinks that having a tan is worth getting skin cancer? Would she still have that same opinion if she’s hit with a melanoma diagnosis in the future? I didn’t say anything because it’s up to them what they want to do, and nothing to do with me. But the comment had upset me/annoyed me because I can’t wrap my head around how they value a tan over their skin health or life? Do people just not view skin cancer as important?

my grandma has smoked all her life and my dad has always begged her to stop but she didn’t. She now has COPD and is in a bad way and my dad is angry at her for not stopping years ago. But yet he’s messing with tanning beds?? How does that make sense?

I'm prepared to accept it damages my skin, but it definitiely definitely makes a difference to burning and to my mind, a few short sessions to build protection is probably less damaging than gettting burnt.

But either way, it's my choice. Are you as judgemental about people who choose to ruin their health by doing no exercise or eating processed food?

What’s even less damaging is SPF and fake tan

This way of thinking is so hard to process I'm almost having a stroke reading it.

Suncream will stop you from burning.

HTH.

Sorry OP but you are being an bit unreasonable here. Not in your general dislike of them but at your ignorance / upset that other people might feel differently.

“Surely no one actually thinks that having a tan is worth getting skin cancer?”

Well of course they do otherwise tanning beds and salons wouldn’t exist and people wouldn’t be fighting for sun beds abroad at 6am every summer. We all take risks every day, people drink, smoke, vape, take drugs, take park in extreme sports etc. You have to learn to let other people make their own decisions

I think a lot of people just don’t think it will
happen to them; until it does. That’s probably why their attitudes are so relaxed.

She said it but both are doing it, so you are unready to focus on her. As you say, it’s up to them. You’ve explained objection now move on.

For me it's the difference between being able to ever swim outdoors or not.

ETA obviously I still need to protect my skin outdoors, and do so religiously, but that tiny bit of tan just makes it easier to enjoy summer without mishaps.

It is very concerning that they seem increasingly popular amongst teens and 20s and I'd love to see them banned completely.

To my mind they are in the same category as smoking in terms of batshit things to do to yourself

This isnt about judgement though - its about false information.

Sunbeds dont stop you from burning on holiday. If this were true then how come its happened to everyone I know who has been on sunbeds prior to holiday? -they've all burnt badly. I include myself in that as I tried it once many years ago- didnt work

I’m with you. Just get a spray tan!

NHS says no safe way to get a tan and tanning does not protect from sun damage https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/seasonal-health/sunscreen-and-sun-safety/

I've never used a tanning bed, and wouldn't, but adults are perfectly free to do whatever they like. I'm sure all of us, at some point, have done things that are bad for our heath, OP, and that's fine. We can't wrap people up in cotton wool, and we're all going to die eventually!

Your boyfriend and father are also into sunbeds, are you not upset at them too?

Sunbeds are for actively trying to get cancer, I'd think less of anyone doing them.

You each gave your opinion, nothing to be upset over.

For what it's wrth, I am with you on this issue but as long as they don't overdo and use a good protector, they'll probably be OK.

your skin your choice.

I came on to say YABU because it’s their personal preference but actually, does your step mum know that you love her so much that the thought of her getting skin cancer from the tanning beds upsets you so much?

It sounds to me like she didn’t make that connection.

All I know is it makes a big difference to me. I'm not a sunbather and never set out to "get a tan", I always have factor 50 if I'm going to be outdoors in the sun, but a few early sunbed sessions mean I don't burn in those short periods when the cream has sweated or washed off.

It doesn't though. This is just confirmation bias and you've been lucky. I don't burn in short periods either and I am whiter than a sheet of paper. The rays are different but you know better than science, I guess.

Maybe she could compromise and only stick half of herself on the sunbed.

No. If you are pale you need to be protecting your skin by using a good sunblock and keeping out of the sun especially during the hours of 11.00 to 3.00, not exposing it to dangerous levels of radiation from a machine.

If you are wearing 50spf then that is likely why you arent burning. Not because you went on a sun bed prior

It's a myth

This is your Dad and StepMum. Of course you’re reasonable to be upset

I'm not sure if it stops you burning either but the damage yo the cells is still being done.

Upset? As in crying? Blimey how do you manage when real shit happens?