Step mums comment regarding tanning beds has upset me

[TScarv]

I went for some food last night with my dad and step mum, I asked them if they’ve been away recently because they look very tanned, and they said no, they’ve just been using the tanning beds. My partner said he has never been on them but he might go on a few times before holiday so that he doesn’t burn, to which I replied that I don’t think it’s a good idea and he’d be best just protecting his skin in the sun. My dad said “you don’t like sun beds do you?” And I said no, they scare me. My step mum then said “I don’t care, it’s worth it”

AIBU to be a bit upset by this? Surely no one actually thinks that having a tan is worth getting skin cancer? Would she still have that same opinion if she’s hit with a melanoma diagnosis in the future? I didn’t say anything because it’s up to them what they want to do, and nothing to do with me. But the comment had upset me/annoyed me because I can’t wrap my head around how they value a tan over their skin health or life? Do people just not view skin cancer as important?

my grandma has smoked all her life and my dad has always begged her to stop but she didn’t. She now has COPD and is in a bad way and my dad is angry at her for not stopping years ago. But yet he’s messing with tanning beds?? How does that make sense?

She does sound quite ignorant but it’s not worth you being upset over.
Leave her to it.

They should be banned for all but medical reasons (I know some skin conditions can be helped with use a sun bed). They are so dangerous.

However as they are legal, let them get on with it, just dont expect any sympathy if they get skin cancer.

Lots of people still use tanning beds despite the dangers 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not unreasonable to think tanning beds are a bad idea (I do too) but you are unreasonable to let it upset you - unfortunately people do all kinds of stupid things in the name of vanity, you can’t get wound up about it.

I guess it’s just because I love them and would be affected by it if either of them got cancer. So to hear that they actively don’t care just feels distressing to me, but I may just be very sensitive lol

Loads of people (late teens and early 20s) I know from work use them. I was gobsmacked as the warnings have been around for years but it’s not my business so 🤷‍♀️

I am surprised they are still legal. Its ignorant of her, but you can't control her. I think its stupid too and would be upset if someone I cared about wanted to harm themselves but not much you can do unfortunatley.

My best friend died at 29 from skin cancer caused by tanning beds. So let them crack on and try and stop your OH from going anywhere near them.

I don’t really get the logic from your partner. How is tanning by bed going to help for the holiday?

I wouldn’t be upset as you can’t control others. Your step mum saying she doesn’t care shows she knows the risks but doesn’t care. It’s like people who smoke. I don’t get it as it’d be horrible to get cancer.

I wouldn't be upset about it, as it's their choice. They sound ignorant of the risks and don't seem interested in educating themselves about it. I would be disappointed in that sort of attitude, and I suppose you could try making the comparison to smoking and COPD if you haven't already.

I think your partner also needs educating as well if he thinks that getting a tan from a sunbed will protect his skin from burning or being damaged when on holiday.

I’ve got friends who have had various moles removed due to skin damage who still go on sunbeds. Stupid people

I’m not sure but I’ve heard this said by other people as well. I think if you’re pale, and slowly build up a base on the tanning beds then you’re less likely to burn when you’re on holiday in the sun all day??? Not sure if it’s true

Some idiots think going on tanning beds before holiday will prevent burning on holiday. I couldn't be with someone this thick.

I will never understand the obsession with tans. Tanned skin is damaged skin.

I am translucent. So what. I have had loads of stupid comments over the years telling me I need fake tan/ tans. No I don't. I'm fine as I am.

Yanbu, but your partner gave the polite answer that he might use a tanning bed before a holiday. As he has never been on one, and presumably been on holiday, I don’t think he will ever use one. So your comment was unnecessary and conflict seeking.

There seems to be an increase in people using them again. I’m defo seeing more ‘tanned’ people again. People also using the tanning nose sprays to accelerate them. ( hid knows what’s in them)

It’s ridiculous after all the years of messaging. I’ve started seeing people using them again for a ‘base tan’ before holidays. Plus all the misinformation on social media about sun creams causing cancer and the sun not being the problem etc 🙄

But people have free will. Most of the life choices we make that have a good chance of biting us back eventually. Smoking, drugs drinking, bad diets and sedentary lifestyle ….Some people unfortunately find out the hard way. Some get lucky so think it’s fine. My other half had a basal cell cut out last year. He rarely spends time in the sun, hates being over hot. So unlucky.

A new tanning salon opened in the next village to us and I was somewhat confused that sun beds were still “a thing”

i remember all the hoo haa in the noughties about how dangerous they were, so thought they’d fallen out of favour.

apparently they are still as dangerous and shouldn’t be used by anyone under 35 at all.

who knew? Not 30yo me. I used to have them quite a bit. Someone did actually tell me at the time that they weren’t good to have so much, so I dropped off and eventually stopped them.

I’m 58 now and looooooove a spray tan! That’s the way forward!

I should add but the women i know why used sun beds when we were late teens and early twenties do look older and their skin isn’t great… unless they’ve had a fair bit of help from beauticians/doctors etc. I think people now think that they can just fix their ageing as needed and would rather have the tan

@TScarv no, it’s not, you can still burn. The infra red rays burn you at surface level, sun beds are ultraviolet light and can burn you, but it’s under the surface of the skin

iirc.

Bit overbearing of you to be distressed or annoyed about this.
We've all got concerns that are personal to us and make sense. They are all different...and usually valid.
We can't and don't expect others to take them on board as their own.

To add...I've never used a sunbed. Think they're weird. I don't care what others do. I go mountain walking and risk a fall every time I do. So yeah.

In 50 years, people will look back and be shocked that sunbeds were legal. There is nothing you can do about other people’s bad habits. They are playing a risky game but it’s their decision.

People vape. People drink too much alcohol. People even try to normalise obesity as ok. Sunbeds are part of stupidity culture. It’s all around us, every day. Being upset won’t do you or them any good.

Everyone does their own personal risk assessment and decides what suits them.

Junk food, alcohol, smoking, being sedentary, sunbeds, smoking, red meat etc.

Annoying yes when it's someone you care about but best to keep quiet about it as ultimately it's their choice.

Tanning beds have been banned by government, in a commercial sense, since 2016 in Australia. If you want to import one strictly for personal use, in your own home (and kill yourself), they will let you crack on with it.

So, your parents baffle me, but, meh, it’s all personal responsibility. If people want to kill themselves, it’s completely up to them, they should have that option. Tbf, not sure what is worse, that, or the hideous orange colour the fake tan fans have.

Live fast, die young.

Up to them OP. They know the dangers, try not to let it upset you.