Step mums comment regarding tanning beds has upset me

[TScarv]

I went for some food last night with my dad and step mum, I asked them if they’ve been away recently because they look very tanned, and they said no, they’ve just been using the tanning beds. My partner said he has never been on them but he might go on a few times before holiday so that he doesn’t burn, to which I replied that I don’t think it’s a good idea and he’d be best just protecting his skin in the sun. My dad said “you don’t like sun beds do you?” And I said no, they scare me. My step mum then said “I don’t care, it’s worth it”

AIBU to be a bit upset by this? Surely no one actually thinks that having a tan is worth getting skin cancer? Would she still have that same opinion if she’s hit with a melanoma diagnosis in the future? I didn’t say anything because it’s up to them what they want to do, and nothing to do with me. But the comment had upset me/annoyed me because I can’t wrap my head around how they value a tan over their skin health or life? Do people just not view skin cancer as important?

my grandma has smoked all her life and my dad has always begged her to stop but she didn’t. She now has COPD and is in a bad way and my dad is angry at her for not stopping years ago. But yet he’s messing with tanning beds?? How does that make sense?

So her opinion is different from yours, so what? It's her skin and her life. Why are you taking it personally?

It sounds as if you were judgemental of them and came across as knowing better than them. So she reacted defensively.

Probably not the best approach if you are genuinely concerned for their health.

At the end of the day though, it is her body, her choice.

Your father and stepmother are either a bit dim or are happy to risk cancer. I'd be more worried if the boyfriend was serious about trying sunbeds. That would give me the ick.

The suntan is sunburn. You are actively choosing to damage your skin.
It doesn't really protect you from further sunburn.

Be sensible and use SPF.

I wouldn't bother wasting your energy on them as they've made their minds up on what they believe in.

All sounds a bit 80s. Thought it was spray tans now

You do realise as adults we have this thing called capacity and that means we are allowed to make decisions that are bad for us

Not exercising
Eating fatty foods
Being over weight
Smoking
Drinking
Drugs
Speeding
Taking Risks
Extreme sports
Risky Sex

You can partake in none of those and still get cancer or have an accident

Lighten up OP

It's no different to having a family member smoke or drive too fast or play a dangerous sport. It's a risk but their choice as an adult to take. Many people spent hours and hours sunbathing on holiday which is arguably just as dangerous and risky

This is not something you can control.

I don’t understand what’s upset you?

I have a family member who has psoriasis and uses a subbed, once a week . They spoke to the Dr and he agreed she can use. She only does 5minutes. But it’s helping her skin. She is happy to take the risk as her skin itches constantly and sometimes bled.
She only goes abroad in either May of October, and wears sunscreen.

It is not.

🤷‍♀️ there’s loads of thickos around

I don't know why they are allowed. Awful things. I don't know if there's any legitimate medical reason for them.

But I'd simply say "oh well don't ask me for lifts to the hospital when you need treatment for skin cancer".

Smoking/vaping and using tanning beds have to be among the most stupid things anyone can do which are fully avoidable.

A lot of women do risky things for their looks, plastic surgery, fillers, veneers etc, and some get nasty infections or worse like Denise Hendry (?). Most of these things are purely cosmetic, but some people used to think tanning beds were healthy for Vit D, so if she thinks it's the equivalent of having a risky medical procedure which can have long term good effects for health, like a gastric bypass or whatever, you can tell her the dangers. But if they're adults, there's not much you can do. And men are getting worse too, smashing their faces to get a good jaw, steroids etc.

Most forms of skin cancer are very treatable, and even melanomas are much more treatable these days than they were, especially if you catch them early.

But even if you assume it would be easy to treat, there's still an emotional toll on family and just the practicalities of having to go for treatment, assuming it's not just putting cream on. Why risk it unnecessarily.

I think YABU to be upset. I don't like tanning beds or smoking but I drink wine and eat rich food including red meat and carcinogens like bacon. Everyone has to make their own decisions and we all have to let our loved ones make their own decisions, even when we don't agree.

Sun beds are incredibly dangerous. Of course, you can’t fix stupid, can you?

I have melanoma. May not live to see my kids reach 18. I’ve never used a sun bed in my life. Used SPF 50 my whole adult life, never intentionally tried to get tan. Unfortunately, I had a lot of sun damage as a child as my parents didn’t use suncream on me. They liked a tan.

At least it’s their own stupid fault if they get sick and die, unlike those of us who didn’t get cancer because of lifestyle factors we had any choice about.

I am amazed these tanning beds are still allowed. Absolute death traps Imho.

My step mum then said “I don’t care, it’s worth it”

YABU @TScarv
Im not going to argue about whether sunbeds are a good idea or not.

But the bottom line is that both your SM and your dad don’t care about the potential risk vs what they are getting out of it now. For them, it’s worth doing that even with the risk.
I suppose you could compare that with doing a ‘dangerous’ sport <insert kayaking, mountaineering, climbing etc etc> because you truly enjoy it so it’s worth the risk.
Theyve taken a decision. I’m sure theyre aware of the risks. Now it’s up to them.

I agree that it's stupid to say a tan is worth risking skin cancer, but on the other hand, we all do something we really shouldn't, if we're honest with ourselves. I'd try to resign myself to that and just avoid the topic again. (But privately I'd still be annoyed with her messed-up priorities.)

You do sound a bit pathetic getting upset because someone else said they don’t care about risks to themselves from using sunbeds. Do you not do anything ever that carries a risk?

This doesn't make sense, would you have been ok if they had have been away and got a tan? Couple that with eating bacon/processed meats and drinking and their cancer stats go up. But going on a sunbed only increases it slightly.
I tan on a sunbed before I go on holiday, it stops me exposing my skin, at all. At 60, it's only the smokers and heavy drinkers who look older, but who gives a shit about looking our age? What drive the skin cancer rates at one point was the men who served in the Egypt etc campaigns tbh they should have been compensated. Then there's those working outside, or doing sports/hobbies outside. Sunbed usage can in rease your risk by 15%. Which is the same as having exposed skin and having a alcoholic drink. Feet are very sensitive, start a thread on trainers and a dress and posters will say they'll stick to sandals, well their cancer risk just went up. See how ridiculous your reaction is?

They are wrong but don't get upset about it.
You could reply though by saying that people said that about smoking and many now regret it. And tanning beds are dangerous like cigarettes

Former Marie Curie - I worked with a lot of patients who had skin cancer, It can drag on for years before people realise there is a problem. Caught early it is more treatable but some will die from it if it spreads to deeper organs.
I smother in sun tan lotion and cover up I stay pale as a result.
I've been told I look anemic - I'm not - but I'd rather safe than burnt or potentially dying from wanting a tan.