Step mums comment regarding tanning beds has upset me

[TScarv]

I went for some food last night with my dad and step mum, I asked them if they’ve been away recently because they look very tanned, and they said no, they’ve just been using the tanning beds. My partner said he has never been on them but he might go on a few times before holiday so that he doesn’t burn, to which I replied that I don’t think it’s a good idea and he’d be best just protecting his skin in the sun. My dad said “you don’t like sun beds do you?” And I said no, they scare me. My step mum then said “I don’t care, it’s worth it”

AIBU to be a bit upset by this? Surely no one actually thinks that having a tan is worth getting skin cancer? Would she still have that same opinion if she’s hit with a melanoma diagnosis in the future? I didn’t say anything because it’s up to them what they want to do, and nothing to do with me. But the comment had upset me/annoyed me because I can’t wrap my head around how they value a tan over their skin health or life? Do people just not view skin cancer as important?

my grandma has smoked all her life and my dad has always begged her to stop but she didn’t. She now has COPD and is in a bad way and my dad is angry at her for not stopping years ago. But yet he’s messing with tanning beds?? How does that make sense?

Why are you only focussing on what your dad and step mum said when your own partner said he was also planning to use one?

I tan on a sunbed before I go on holiday, it stops me exposing my skin, at all. At 60, it's only the smokers and heavy drinkers who look older, but who gives a shit about looking our age?

You say you dont care about looking your age but in the next breath say its only the smokers and drinkers who look older? 🙄

It's absolutely not! In my large social circle the people who tanned, went on sunbeds and sunbathed a lot look at least 15 years older than those who didnt- their skin looks very hard and leathery now (and we are in our 40s).

Of my two nans alone - one never sat in the sun, one always did. The one who never sat in the sun had no wrinkles at all and had beautiful smooth skin, my sun worshipping nan had skin like chamois leather with lots of scars from having chunks of her face cut out due to pre cancerous lesions which looked like brown crusty scabs.

Noone is saying anyone should be obsessed with looking younger than they are but to imply the sun doesnt age you is absolutely laughable.

Ineiukdbtbuse them, but many people have (years ago) and don’t have cancer. Many people haven’t, and do have cancer.

It’s more nuanced than straight evidential research of whatever.

YANBU to be amazed they’re risking their health for a ‘glow’, and you’re right to be concerned, but what can you do?!

It’s not just cancer concerns either, sunbeds can trigger a lifelong autoimmune response called Polymorphous Light Eruption - which is an allergic reaction to UV rays, basically a giant pain in the arse come every Spring especially if you later move to a hot climate. Ask me how I know 🙄 At least I was young and uninformed, but even in the 90s, I knew they were sketchy. My dermatologist only had so much pity for doing that to myself 🤣

This. I agree with you @TScarv but there's no need to get upset.

Apparently tanning is back via TikTok ’tanfluencers’ and suncream is full of chemicals and to be avoided. Scary stuff.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/gift/523316440ed88c7f

I ince read a statistic alomg the lines of you're more likely to die from skin cancer if you're a sunbed user than if you're a smoker from cigarettes.

I wouldn’t be upset by people using one, I would never want to use one myself.
You can’t get upset about people choosing to live their lives their own way, yes they may have to suffer with the consequences in the future or they may not.
Some people choose to sit down to a full English breakfast everyday, chomp down loads of red meat, drink to excess etc
I may be the odd one out, but after telling them that they are increasing their risk of skin cancer by quite a high proportion I would leave them to crack on.

Imagine being so annoyed by someone else’s OPINION. You are not the oracle. If she likes sunbeds let her get on with it - I don’t agree with them but it’s not my business what others do

Do they know the risks? It sounds a very innocuous discussion to get upset about - you didn’t even touch on the risks.

Freewill means we are all entitled to make stupid choices.

I'll never get the tanning bed think but I'm fat and smoked for 15 yrs and think we all risk our health in various ways, in our quest for happiness

Using tanning beds doesn't guarantee skin cancer. Just as smoking doesn't guarantee lung cancer, obesity doesn't guarantee stomach cancer and heart problems etc. It just greatly heightens the risk. When your step mum says 'it's worth it' she means the risk is worth it, not cancer. Something we all do to an extent with anything we want to do that carries the possibility of harm.
As an older woman who probably used the beds and didn't practise safe sun before the risk was known, she probably also feels the horse has bolted. Which in fairness it probably has.

Hi op I don’t think it’s up to you I get you are concerned but lots of people get cancer without smoking, drinking etc. sometimes it’s just very bad luck. Kids get cancer all the time but they haven’t done anything to get it.

Obviously lots of people think it's worth it, or they wouldn't be so popular.
People make bad choices and they don't really like being confronted with those bad choices. It doesn't sound like they were unpleasant at all, they just disagreed with you and step mum possibly felt a bit defensive after what you said.

I don't use tanning beds but I'm overweight, which I know is bad for my health. I probably drink more than is optimal too.

People get addicted to tanning. They find it hard to give up even though they know the dangers. Like smokers.

I'd stay out of any discussions on the subject and if anyone else raises it, just say 'Well, it's up to you.' Don't rise to the bait.

Well they just don't think it will happen to them. Lots of people who tan don't get skin cancer. And plenty of people who avoid the sun and wear SPF do.

I'm not saying it's healthy. In fact it's not at all good as all the positives you get from actual sunlight are not present in artificial beds.

But to be upset that plenty of people tan while knowing the dangers seems like it won't really help.

People smoke, vape, eat badly and are non optimal weight. But they don't care because they feel like they're enjoying themselves.

There's little you can do to stop them except maybe they might if they do get sick from it.

Was the comment ignorant? Sure, BUT she is a grown adult making choices that are not your business and she's allowed to say what she thinks.

So, you weren't BU in the sense that you are 'right', but YABU to be 'angry' about another person's choices.

As someone with a diagnosis of malignant melanoma a few years ago, I’m appalled that people are still using sun beds. Having malignant parts of your skin cut out is fucking horrible.

If they’re hellbent on using sunbeds, perhaps you could encourage them to have an annual dermatology review so anything suspicious is caught early…

If people think sunbeds should be banned as they cause skin cancer, do you also think cigarettes, alcohol and unhealthy food should be banned?

Yeah, it’s really none of your business. They’re grown adults.

Upset?

Its like being upset that someone is overweight or something

Nothing to do with you

Ive been thinking about using tanning beds for a while, just havent got round to it.

Well they are going to look like old leather handbags if they carry on like that and increase their risk of skin cancers .
I have never in my life used a sun bed , I don’t sunbathe ever , and was horrified to overhear some of the young hairdressers in the salon I go to say they went on sunbeds !
if you want a tan that much go and get a spray tan ( I don’t even do that )

The thing is, I could understand your upset if you’d expressed specific concerns, set out the implications for them and for you and they’d rejected and dismissed those. But you didn’t even bother to have the conversation.

Whilst I understand it and I am absolutely against sun beds you can’t control peoples thoughts on them 🤷🏼‍♀️ it’s up to your step mum if she wants to do them

I voted you’re not being unreasonable as someone who has recently had a BCC cut out after using sunbeds. The consultant said the sun bed was the likely cause. So, I definitely wouldn’t use them again.
But, you have to let people do what they want to do!