Assaulted by doubles partner - would you take further?

[Katiew29]

I play a racquet sport as part of a weekly group where we rotate doubles partners. One of the men can be a bit animated - always high fiving at the end of sets, sometimes he jubilantly hugs his playing partner if they win. Fine, that’s what some people are like.

Last night, after we won a set and were walking to have a drinks break, he sharply slapped my bum. I told him not to do that again. He said sorry and that it was an ‘encouraging slap’ and he does it all the time, but usually to male partners and he ‘forgot himself’. I played on but felt really uncomfortable.

I broke down when I got home and saw DH, I explained what happened and he was furious. He thinks I should file a report with both the police and the club where we play. Do you think this would be excessive? At the very least, I think I will inform the club.

Report him especially to the club
He needs to learn to stop.

If it’s a one-off, he’s gone over your boundary and you’ve let him know you won’t accept it.

I actually think you have dealt with it supremely well already.

Whatever you decide to do next, you have drawn your line. Well done.

I would put everything in writing to the club, ask for a copy of their safeguarding policy, and request a written response from them detailing what action they will take.

For you, I'd not be playing doubles with that person again and - if asked why - explain what happened.

The support for op on this thread is shocking. Women supporting women?

Interesting that all your examples use the word 'butt' and are presumably American. I've never seen this on television. For all I know, it does happen in American team sports. But in a private club? Unlikely.

Because "custom and practice" is significant.

There is no denying that there is custom and practice while playing sports for people to slap or pat each other's bums and that it's not intended sexually. If you don't want it to happen then you have to make that clear and then if it happens again there's a problem.

There is NO custom or practice for squeezing someone's breasts or slapping them across the face. If he had done either of those things then the reaction would and should be entirely different and far more serious.

I would do this too.

Sorry that this happened to you.

Why should women support something they feel is wrong though? Just because the proposed action is to be taken by a woman?
That’s nuts!

I think report to the club. I wouldn't report to the police unless he did anything else. If he generally seems non-creepy then perhaps this was a genuine (though unacceptable) brain fart moment.

‘Women supporting women’ does not equate to posters having to agree with anything and everything another woman suggests.

I support women. 100%. I’m sorry this happened to the op. However, I feel the circumstances and the man’s response were adequate. I don’t believe the police need to be told. I don’t believe at this point anything else needs to happen. I do think Op is over-reacting.

There's a lot of over reacting going on here. You asked him not to, he apologised, and hasn't done it again. Breaking down over a butt slap or reporting it seems a bit over the top.

Tbh given you called him out on it and he apologised and you say outside of the sport he's not like this, I wouldn't take it further.

You put him in his place . He apologised. If he does it again then report .

I’d report it to the club. I wouldn’t report it to the police because to be honest I think they wouldn’t do anything and it would just make things really uncomfortable as a lot of people would think it over the top when it is quite normal behaviour for men to men, but a club reminder about appropriate behaviour would be very reasonable. He had no right, and if he gets mad he has no right to do that either.

Yes it is sexual assault. Indecent assault is an outdated term.

You told him not to do it again, he said sorry. Report to club if you think he done it because you're a woman.
Leave police to get on with the real crimes against women.
Sorry you are so upset about this x

I don’t know what’s going on with the poll! Sorry you’re so upset OP :(

I’d report to the club/the person in charge there (not sure I’d involve police but then I wasn’t there).

He knew what he was doing I wouldn’t say he ‘forgot himself’ and I think he needs to know it’s unacceptable. If he truly was apologetic then maybe you could talk to him about it before reporting to the club, but it doesn’t sound like he was?

Is this actually a serious question? The bum is an intimate area, the one we tell children that nobody else must touch, the head isn't. Are you just trolling?

I would leave it. You told him you didn't like it and he apologised. He doesn't have form for this kind of behaviour.

It is quite recognised that other men in sport do this to each other and I think it is fair enough that he may well have forgotten that it was inappropriate to do this to you.

It would be complete overkill to report this to the police.

You have every right to be upset, he shouldn’t have touched you. I don’t get how saying he’s an equal opportunities sex pest makes it any better.

It’s also not the same as football teams. Those men know each other inside out, spend huge amounts of time together and hopefully know each other’s boundaries. That’s completely different to someone you occasionally see to play sports together.

He clearly can’t read the room if he’s blindly smacking arses so there may well be men he’s also made uncomfortable.

Having an unofficial word with the club is not down playing the incident.
The club should take her approach to them seriously. If they don't then of course OP should go down the route of making the complaint official.

Christ in heaven this thread is depressing reading.
How the hell do we as a society hold men accountable for their actions when so many women on this thread would just shrug off this man’s completely unacceptable behaviour?

I would report it officially to the club.

You told him not to do it again. He apologised. That's enough. Tell the club if you want but There's no need to involve the police over something like this Why ruin a man's life over something so small.

It's possible he did forget himself in the heat of the moment as we all do sometimes.

Sorry your upset though!

which century are you in? Personally I'd have told him to keep his hands off loudly and been done with it but I know plenty of people would be more uncomfortable and as you are one of then I'd report him to the club and I would not play with him again.