Assaulted by doubles partner - would you take further?

[Katiew29]

I play a racquet sport as part of a weekly group where we rotate doubles partners. One of the men can be a bit animated - always high fiving at the end of sets, sometimes he jubilantly hugs his playing partner if they win. Fine, that’s what some people are like.

Last night, after we won a set and were walking to have a drinks break, he sharply slapped my bum. I told him not to do that again. He said sorry and that it was an ‘encouraging slap’ and he does it all the time, but usually to male partners and he ‘forgot himself’. I played on but felt really uncomfortable.

I broke down when I got home and saw DH, I explained what happened and he was furious. He thinks I should file a report with both the police and the club where we play. Do you think this would be excessive? At the very least, I think I will inform the club.

I think it would be better if your husband had a word with him.

Why?

If op wants to report this as an assault to the club and/or the police what would her husband ‘having a word’ do to help?
Op already spoke to the guy, what will her Dh do differently?

Report to the club straightaway in person AND in writing. I’d report to the police if it happens again.

He physically and sexually assaulted you. You're entitled to report that.

@Katiew29 as woman, we are often taught from a young age to be silent and accept this kind of bullshit.

This man is choosing to touch others without their consent. It's about time he learns there are consequences. He can claim he bum slaps men too but this time he didn't - he assaulted a woman.

Report him to the club at least and if you feel strongly enough and want him to face real world repercussions then report to Police as well.

He is a grown adult who needs to learn how to manage his feelings in an appropriate way and not by laying hands on strangers just because he feels like it. Your feelings matter too.

What a bellend!

That's not sexual assault, indecent assault maybe

Yes, report it, he needs to know it's not okay and have a consequence. Sorry to read that happened to you. Disgusting man.

Unwanted touch, especially in an area like the bum, is definitely sexual assault.

It is absolutely sexual assault by touching under the Sexual Offences Act. If you are going to give legal advice at least get it right.

Wasn't giving legal advice

OP responded very appropriately by telling the guy not to do it again.

I think she should have an unofficial word with the club about the incident. It's possible other people may have had problems with this man's behaviour. At the very least they can monitor his behaviour in future, or have a word with him, or take any other action they think appropriate.

I think the pp's suggestion that OP 's H should speak to the man is really demeaning to OP. She is an adult and not her H's possession. She is capable of handling this situation herself and has already shown herself perfectly capable of doing so by her initial response to the situation.

Please report this man to both the police and the club. That man sexually assaulted you and needs to be stopped before he do it or worse to another woman

Absolutely report to the club.

who knows what he will do next if you don’t?

Does he generally make you feel uncomfortable, is his chat sexualised, does he leer at women etc?

Please report it the only outcome should be that he is asked to leave the club.

I bet lots of women have had this and then he has laughed it off

Why do you say that?

No he’s fine away from playing/at club social events, doesn’t say anything inappropriate at least when I have been in his company, just a normal married man with a family.

WTF?!? You think a woman isn't capable of sorting out a problem so she needs to get a man involved? Wow.

Op needs an ‘official’ world’ …. Why the hell should she down play this man’s behavior.

I bet he doesn’t slap men’s bottoms. I don’t think I would go to the police but I would definitely inform the club - and I would refuse to partner with him again. Sorry this happened to you - it’s not your fault. (I’m sure you know that but just wanted to say it anyway - people who behave like this don’t do it in reaction to anything you did.) You did really well to tell him off in the moment rather than freezing.

In that case I wouldn’t report him to the police. I might report him to the club or depending on my relationship with him I might speak to him directly and tell him you were seriously considering reporting him because you were so upset my his behaviour etc etc.

Yes, I’d report it, both to the club and the police. If it’s a proper club, not just some mates who play sport together, they should have a safeguarding policy and procedures to follow for this sort of thing. I’d ask to see it. Realistically, the police may not take it beyond having a word, but I know if I was his wife I’d sure like to know why the police were at my door I truly can’t think of any normal sensible men I know who would just accidentally get carried away 🙄 and touch a woman’s bum. Sorry, that doesn’t happen.

I would have just exploded at him when it happened and told him that if he did it again I would report him to the club. Seems like overkill to take it further.

Not sure what I’d do here but I did comment to OH this week when watching the football that literally every time a player is substituted someone or several people slap them on the bum as they’re leaving the pitch or going over to the dugout bit. It seems really weird and creepy but I assume is such a ‘standard’ sport thing to happen no one comments?

this is NOT an excuse for what this guy did and I’d be furious too - but it is possible he isn’t a total lech in this instance (which doesn’t make it any better really but would make me feel a bit differently about it I guess).

……and he does it all the time, but usually to male partners

BULLSHIT. He is not slapping men’s bottoms on a regular basis.
Report the prick to the police.
Ask them if you should report it to the club - they may say leave it to them.