Assaulted by doubles partner - would you take further?

[Katiew29]

I play a racquet sport as part of a weekly group where we rotate doubles partners. One of the men can be a bit animated - always high fiving at the end of sets, sometimes he jubilantly hugs his playing partner if they win. Fine, that’s what some people are like.

Last night, after we won a set and were walking to have a drinks break, he sharply slapped my bum. I told him not to do that again. He said sorry and that it was an ‘encouraging slap’ and he does it all the time, but usually to male partners and he ‘forgot himself’. I played on but felt really uncomfortable.

I broke down when I got home and saw DH, I explained what happened and he was furious. He thinks I should file a report with both the police and the club where we play. Do you think this would be excessive? At the very least, I think I will inform the club.

Actually, slapping someone on the arse without their consent is considered sexual or common assault and is a criminal offence.

Although, I very much doubt it would be taken further by police if OP reported it.

I think he'd get away with it because of the context - apparently this is very common in sport. Unless OP thinks that it was sexually motivated, and I don't think she does, I'd go with what will sort the problem without blowing the club sky high. Approach the club and get them to make sure this man and everyone else knows it's not acceptable. If it happens again, you can escalate it.

If you acted on what you said and broke his hand you'd be in a lot more trouble than he would.

Motivation doesn’t matter.

It being common doesn’t matter.

No one has a right to slap someone else bum, or indeed touch them in any way (except in urgent safety or health related situations) without their express consent.

What world do you live in? This is absolutely a sexual assault and it is actually illegal! I wouldn't report it to the police and they wouldn't do anything, but touching somebody's bottom is actually classed as sexual assault.

I am scheduled to give a statement on Monday, and the club have suspended his membership in the meantime. Thanks for everyone for their support and making me realise that what he did wasn’t acceptable.

It is mental how many people don't understand consent on this thread.

A hug is not considered appropriate in the workplace or with children under your care for a reason.

This is about consent and respect.

The amount of safeguarding training and workplace training out there which outlines basically keeping your hands to yourself is enormous. This isn't niche.

If you think it's ok to touch anyone's bottom - male or female - whilst playing a sport you are off your head in 2026. This isn't over reacting. Its something that has not been consented to.

The whole principle of safeguarding is as much about protecting yourself as respecting others. You don't innocently touch someones bottom and get to claim it's non sexual. It is a sexual area - you leave it alone so no one gets the wrong message or feels uncomfortable. It doesn't matter what your motivation is if you respect someone. You just don't touch them there. If you do touch them in that area, don't go wailing about how hard done by you've been. You've shown a lack of respect even if it's not sexually motivated. That in itself is about power over someone else who is 'not allowed to object' because 'it was completely innocent'.

The problem is the defence for someone who has done something sexually motivated is also 'i didn't mean it like that'. It's impossible to distinguish between the two so you simply treat both with the same scepticism because you have to. That's why you make sure your actions can't be mistaken for sexually motivated but keeping your hands to yourself.

This isn't difficult. We teach five year olds this.

A grown man who can't manage to keep his hands to himself in these situations, is at best a fool and at worst a creep. I have little sympathy for either.

To be fair, my husband smacks his team mates arses all the time during matches (and they do the same to him) haha. That doesnt excuse what this man did to OP though, obviously.

That's effectively implied consent by mutual agreement. But it's still shaky ground if one of them did take it too far or one got upset.

You are putting yourself in a position where you are vulnerable if someone complains. That's the point.

Sure, I get all that. I was just saying that it does happen man on man (which the person i replied to disputed).

Does he actually enjoy doing it and receiving it? Why? Please report back.

Idk, I've never asked that. I think they just find it funny. He is good mates with everyone on his team and they all do it to eachother. I've never seen them do it to players in another team though.

It's the kind of thing that catches on and you suspect that half the people involved actually hate it, but they don't dare say so. It's so puerile.

Well I can't believe the ignorance and whataboutery on this thread.
If it had been her shoulders it would have been a completely different scenario.

I can't believe it needs explaining to a (presumably) grown adult that someone's bottom is a private part of their body that is not usually touched by another adult outside of sexual interaction (other than possibly someone performing medical or personal care if a patient is unable), whereas shoulders are not.

If you don't want someone to touch you on the shoulders or hair or wherever else it is fine to ask someone not to do that, but it does not have the same sexual and cultural connotations as someone slapping your bum, and it's ridiculous to do this wide-eyed pretending that it is.

What is sexual assault? | Rape Crisis England & Wales
"Touching someone’s genitals, breasts or bottom"

I’d report to the club, so there was a record if any other complaints were made, not police. But I’m older, lived through the gropey 80s so would be pissed off rather than upset.

I had a female work colleague about 20 years ago, we were friends, and she started slapping my bum hard, it hurt. I told her not to twice then the third time I punched her in the stomach. Not my finest moment and it was a corporate office, but I absolutely saw red.