To not go on a family holiday I wouldn't enjoy

[Bennybannsider2]

The holiday we planned to book has to be withdrawn due to the war in Iran, and it just didn't work out reinstating it now flights are back running normally. We (family of 2ad 3 teens) still want to go on holiday. We enjoy most types of hols but in recent years as we get to know our preferences some of us favour busy resorts like Benidorm (strip) and genuinely enjoy a holiday buying fake t-shirts, eating chicken & chips, going to busy bars. And some of us (me) have tried that, tried it again and don't want to do it a third time as a main holiday - I still enjoy it as a few days off season.

It ended up getting close to our annual leave dates and my husband booked a trip to this type of resort. I knew he was doing the booking and it suited me to not have to expend energy doing it. We had talked about what we wanted and one thing I definitely wanted was to go on holiday for longer than a week, which he has booked. But it's a resort I don't like, hotel looks old fashioned, pool tiny, the board basis I don't think will work for our family.....We had discussed some of these things but he didn't know that the board basis for example was a deal breaker.

I said I'm not going there. It's too late to change any parts as it was all booked so short notice.

Husband is totally capable of looking after his own kids for the holiday.

AIBU to not go on this holiday?

The people he showed were teenagers. I don't know about yours but mine don't look at Google maps or TripAdvisor reviews or prices of restaurants etc. Their criteria was: holiday. None of them realised about the sofa bed. I wouldn't expect the kids to look into that anyway.

Ive said how it doesn't suit. You're not struggling to see that aspect surely- you're struggling with a mum saying this is her line and she's not going. Pool is very small and there are about 100 sun loungers. The accommodation holds 800 people. It's also just a pool, no slides or rapids like they normally like. The pool is in the shade. The reviews say there is 1 toilet only in the pool/ bar and it's smelly. The reviews say the rooms are old fashioned, locks dont work, shower floods the bathroom, not enough hot water, ants. Standard 3* and lower accommodation woes. One person has to sleep on a sofa bed. This is a big deal for us. The accommodation is a far walk (realistically a taxi) from restaurants other than the kebab place, pizza slice, Chinese and 2 mini markets. We can't do our own cooking.

What do locals eat? Presumably like most people they mainly cook at home in their cooking facilities and go to local restaurants. That's me being facetious but knowing what locals do doesn't help. We are tourists who want an enjoyable holiday not an endurance test. We are too far away for 1 of our group to comfortably walk to restaurants other than a kebab place. We would have to solve this problem with 2 x 5e Ubers. (There don't seem to be Uber XL available. Also personally I don't want me or my family to eat in a kebab/ Chinese daily or even most days for 11 days, even if as pp suggested they do salads or prawns. I feel like having nice healthy enjoyable food on holiday is quite standard.)

Can you change the name of the ticket? If so, I’ll go.

Go this year and be more involved in the arrangements next year. OK, it might be a bit crap but make the best of it this time.

Think you're far too fussy about eating standards when people are on holiday.
Go and book yourself 2-3 nights somewhere else while you're there.
Don't drag everyone down while you are there

Ok, I accept it wasn't a dig then. We have 1 person in the family with autism and I don't suspect anyone else has. He is totally fine with new places, busy places etc. Eating and mobility are the issues. Other posters suggested allowing him certain things or having a strict diet before/ after holiday. If it was that easy I'd have done it!

A couple of posters have said about black and white thinking. That's not the issue. You'll just have to believe me that this holiday will not be enjoyable for me! The question is, to go or not go.

If I go there are things we could do to improve the holiday. Very costly though. And (haven't checked every single thing) but nothing jumping out at me for things/ trips that we would love. Algarve is set up for pool holidays and we would be trying to shoehorn something in. If I don't go the rest of the family will be doing some changes/ extras anyway.

Fair enough but for me it's important. And even more so with having a child with over- eating issues. You probably wouldn't want your child coming home a stone heavier either!

Why did you leave it up to him to book it if you have specific deal breakers?
Why would he not run it past you before booking it? He must know what you like!
Go on the holiday.
Book the next one yourself.

I genuinely don't think they will enjoy it either but they are prepared to risk it. And husband aware that he (we) will have to pay ££££ when they're there to improve it. So them going is definite.

But you're happy with him coming home a stone heavier as long as you don't see him eating the food?.. I'm sorry OP but you sound insufferable.

It does sound like you have planned this so you can 'opt out' of going, because most of the things you are complaining about are going to happen whether you are there or not, so completely pointless using them as an excuse not to go.

If I was your husband I'd be furious with your attitude and negativity, you're "well I'll go but intentionally ruin it for everyone else by being miserable the whole time" is quite frankly, disgusting.

Yes, you should absolutely go and stop being such a princess about it, I can't stand people who moan and complain when things aren't just the way they want them to be, if you wanted it tailored to you, you should have got off your arse and booked it yourself.

Holidays are about spending time with people and making the most of whatever you find when you get there. We went to Ansterdam a few years ago in a heatwave, which meant we could only go out in the mornings (my daughter has medical issues) and we spent the afternoons playing scrabble on a Dutch language board. Was it what we wanted or expected? No. But we had such a good time and it's our best memory of the trip. You just have to flexible and find ways to have fun anyway. Like I'm always astonished when people come home because it's raining....

It seems that because it's not what you want you are determined not to go. You sound very stubborn and difficult. A lot of suggestions have been given to you but all have been rejected as it's not what you want.

Can your DH/kids identify any reason why they DID choose it?

We found in Portugal uber eats was really good, could that be an option?

Personally I would go, as it sounds like your DH in particular would feel guilty and horrible if you didn’t. You’ve made your point, it sounds like he knows he messed up, and I would go and make the best of it instead of sulking.

Lisbon and Porto you don't fancy a revisit, but you say you're at the far end of the Algarve so flying into Faro. You'll be nearer the Spanish border than the silver coast then. My friend has just gone to menorca last minute holiday. She checked out inland Algarve saw the temperatures and quickly changed her mind.

I'm really unhappy with the food situation and like I've said previously it's happening whether I'm there or not.

I'm trying not to let my annoyance over this cloud my judgement over whether or not to go

They panic booked after confusing themselves looking at loads. It wasn't on purpose and it wasn't the aforementioned weaponised incompetence. Just a mistake.

Uber eats - hadn't thought of that actually.

Yeah he's annoyed too. I'm trying not to sulk! It's just.... really awful!

Just looked Uber eats. It's burgers and chain fast food but I think worth looking later as it's early for restaurants TBF so they might have more available later

YABU just go and enjoy yourself. Next time book the holiday yourself.

If it's that unsuitable why not change it? Yes you'll have to pay more but wouldn't that be better? And a different hotel might not cost that much more anyway.

Was it a package? If so, you could contact the tour operator and see if they can offer you something else for not a lot more which is in a better location (it sounds like the location is the bigger issue than the hotel itself).

Also although I've never been to Portugal I find it difficult to believe that the only eating options will be burgers and kebabs. Not exactly normal Mediterranean fare.

All this angst about a HOLIDAY. Your husband must have the patience of a saint!

You’re totally out of order. You didn’t ask
him to check before booking, you didn’t tell him your dealbreakers & now you’re considering not going. A holiday alone with two kids is entirely different to being with another adult. You’ll ruin their trip too. Totally selfish and if my husband did this I’d actually consider leaving home: genuinely

Type there - meant 3 teens.

We had a family holiday booked for may half term have to my husband and our two younger boys aged 10 and 14. Two days before flying I made the horrible discovery my youngest son only had two months left on his passport and not the required three. Y can’t actually get a fast child’s passport so after a lot of tears, I took my 14 year-old and my 10-year-old and husband stayed at home and went to visit my husband‘s family at the coast. Our holiday abroad was entirely different to normal. Not the same at all, so much so that I’m away now I’m booked another week for the four of us to make up for the whole holiday that we all lost absolutely do not do that to your family. It’s not fair.

OP said she left it to DH as she didn't want to spend the energy on it.

So that was a bit of a drip feed. I didn't think people would be so interested in how it came about that my husband (he's a normal fully functioning adult who's been on lots of holidays with me and our family, and knows what I love/ like/ have made the best of cos others like it) ended up booking the holiday himself rather than as a joint effort. I didn't want to expend the energy on it that particular day. Just like he didn't want to devote time and energy to it on a different day. I've since explained that actually we discussed this a lot and we set parameters..... and he panicked, disregarded, forgot and booked this random overpriced shite. He didn't do this on purpose to annoy me. I am very confident about that.

@Bennybannsider2 have you called the resort to see which other room options are available? Some resorts have a mixture of room only, adjoining rooms, self catering, villas etc

Also what star rating did H book?

Yes we could get accommodation only somewhere else locally. We can't change our package just would book our own in addition. It's a definite consideration. Looking at £1.5k ISh if we do a few nights either side in shit hole accom. It's both the actual hotel and the location of the hotel. There are obviously other eating options, but a further walk than one of the family could manage. The local villagey bit is like an extension of a "strip" and I'm not their target market. This is genuinely just a kebab, pizza, Chinese. Getting to normal food restaurants could potentially be solved by Uber but I've kept an eye on the app since it was mentioned and there don't seem to be many about. Maybe the drivers start work later when people want to go for dinner though. All the problems could be solved by money but then it is a very very expensive holiday. More than we'd like to spend. Me not going solves the sofa bed problem, and means they need 1 taxi not 2. (These aren't reasons for not going, just how it works out. Reason for not going is: don't like the holiday.)

Current feeling is that 3 out of 4 are happy to try the crap hotel, and the 4th will go anyway although not happy with it. I'm not happy to the extent of not going.