To not go on a family holiday I wouldn't enjoy

[Bennybannsider2]

The holiday we planned to book has to be withdrawn due to the war in Iran, and it just didn't work out reinstating it now flights are back running normally. We (family of 2ad 3 teens) still want to go on holiday. We enjoy most types of hols but in recent years as we get to know our preferences some of us favour busy resorts like Benidorm (strip) and genuinely enjoy a holiday buying fake t-shirts, eating chicken & chips, going to busy bars. And some of us (me) have tried that, tried it again and don't want to do it a third time as a main holiday - I still enjoy it as a few days off season.

It ended up getting close to our annual leave dates and my husband booked a trip to this type of resort. I knew he was doing the booking and it suited me to not have to expend energy doing it. We had talked about what we wanted and one thing I definitely wanted was to go on holiday for longer than a week, which he has booked. But it's a resort I don't like, hotel looks old fashioned, pool tiny, the board basis I don't think will work for our family.....We had discussed some of these things but he didn't know that the board basis for example was a deal breaker.

I said I'm not going there. It's too late to change any parts as it was all booked so short notice.

Husband is totally capable of looking after his own kids for the holiday.

AIBU to not go on this holiday?

You can pay extra for AI and it does indeed seem marketed at people who like a lot of burgers. It's not isolated as such- 30 min walk to town- it's just that what's in that part of town doesn't appeal to me.

Honestly just go. Your family will miss you.

I am baffled that anyone would actually book a holiday before showing it to their spouse/family.

But it's done now - booked and paid for. Go, enjoy what you can and you choose next time or ask that nothing is booked without approval.

Olhos de agua is 2 hr walk or 1hr 48 bus according to Google maps. So yes of course we could go there by taxi.

Any more opinions on going or not going?

This isn't so much the problem. I wasn't expecting to be shown it before hand. I just trusted it would be something suitable because from experience it is when he picks a holiday.

Thanks for opinion - another one for go!

You sound extremely odd and miserable. I imagine they’d have a better time without you but of course you should go

Suck it up and stop being a brat. Time with the kids is more important.

Under these circumstances I would go, but insist on approving any holiday decisions moving forward before they are booked.

Why would it be a dig to ask if you might be ND? I'm ND. My whole family are, albeit with different mix of conditions and totally different traits. It's not in any way an insult. But it could be a possible explanation for such black and white thinking and struggling to imagine options outside your own ideal norm.

For me my ADHD side is dominant so I crave excitement and new experiences when travelling. My 9 year old is much more autism dominant and so struggles with changes of routine, food etc. I make sure holidays have something to suit everyone, and plenty of downtime for those that need it. There's been some great suggestions for day trips and other ways to manage differing needs so hopefully those will help.

@Bennybannsider2 Drop them off at the airport and tell them to let you know when the return flight takes off.

Stay at home and enjoy the peace and quiet.

Any complaining and point at your DH for booking something you hadn't discussed (and were against) in a panic.

You have created so many obstacles not to go. So don't go.

If you're going to bring everyone else's holiday down, which you probably will as you've fully decided that you already hate it, you stay at home and let the rest of the family enjoy it without you.

You have had plenty of ideas of things to do by pp; and still you're adamant it is the worst holiday ever. I'd say you're being pretty spoilt. You have no idea really until you get there. Stay at home.

I have read all your posts and think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Your kids will be gone soon so not to spend time with them away is just weird.
Go, rent a car, do a day at hotel/local and a day out alternating.
If you go with a face like a slapped arse and the attitude you are displaying on here, you won't enjoy it.
Give yourself a kick up the backside, you can afford a holiday, you have a husband and 3 kids, you are going abroad. Often things you dread turn out to be the best.

You say this holiday doesn't suit your family yet your DH showed the 3 teens and all of them agreed on it? So I'm struggling to understand just how it doesn't suit?

what do the locals eat?

Could you hire a wheelchair for the child who can't walk far @Bennybannsider2 ?

Such food won't do any harm for a couple of weeks. Loosen up, you will enjoy it if you let go a bit. If I were your DH and you had made no input to the holiday I would be furious. Say what you want. Be engaged. If you can't bothered to participate in planning the holiday then you really have no right to object to what is booked. Go and enjoy it.

Currently sitting checking us in for a holiday I soley organised like every year. Husband is the holiday princess who basically just turns up 🤣 I like it this way since ultimately I get to choose, however I would never book something I knew he would hate.

@Bennybannsider2 I know where you’re coming from.
Youve put a lot of effort into finding something that would work for the whole family. You waited for him to look at it. He didn’t.

Then when he finally did, he ‘forgot’ all about the needs of his dcs, the amount of work needed to entertain/guide children, including teenagers etc…

Two things come to my mind

• he never deals with the mental load so thinking ahead about the potential pitfall never came across his mind.
• he isn’t the main one wrestling with the food issue and your dc.

I would go @Bennybannsider2. I would tell him that you don’t think this was a great choice because xyz but you’re willing to see how it goes. However, as he picked something without taking into account <insert dcfood issue, activities etc…> then he will be the one dealing with it. Then stick to it.

I’ve read every single one of your posts and you sound totally insufferable I’m sorry.

Stay home.

“The kids have a preference for everyone to go together ”

So that’s it, then - you go. Soon enough, your DC will be wanting to go off on holiday by themselves, and you’ll be sad that you didn’t go with them when you could have done. As far as child who eats too much/ wrong things is concerned, tell them they can have one plate and go up once for mains and once for pudding - then it’s limited, whatever they choose. It’s a holiday, OP, and the person doing all the moaning would seem to be you. Just get on with it: look up places you can visit while you’re there, and enjoy not having to cook and clean and do chores. I can’t believe a mother is making all this fuss - think yourself lucky you are going on holiday at all: there are plenty of people who can’t, for various reasons.

The problem here is that
1- she has some input. She did lots of research, shared the reasons why she xyz choices. Her dh needed to look at it and didn’t. Then HE decided to redo the work and book somethimg wo her input. Very different scenario
2- they’ve been married furca long time. He should know what she like agd doesn’t like. Who books something when they know their spouse won’t like it?? I mean, woukd you book somethimg you knew your DH didn’t like @Grammarnut ? No? So why is it ok for him to do so?

I went to Algarve twice, both for tennis holidays for 2 weeks each in December. First was lovely weather, nice hotel offering Portuguese lessons which I did and enjoyed practising in local market. Took trip to some other markets by bus. Played tennis. Identified nice family run restaurant for great inexpensive food. Explored a lot. Second year it poured with rain non-stop. Had to find a tennis fan with car and went to a leaky indoor court. Not so good. The roads got flooded. Hotel stopped doing lessons and only local TV. Got very wet when venturing out. Hotel had deteriorated from previous year. Tried everything to make it OK but gave up after 7 days and pleaded with tour operator for early flight for self and husband. We couldn't hire a car as I don't drive and he didn't want to risk the flooded roads. Result: went home a week early with great relief!
Learned that Algarve is lovely in good weather especially if you explore and even better if drive. With kids in bad weather, hm wouldn't care to try it. Hope your holiday will be great after all!

I think that is the key… how much eating out adds to the trip and how stressed you will get making the trip work.

I have had occasions when I let the organisation of the holiday to the man of the house who being very picky couldn’t apply his pickiness to the selection of a good hotel, in a nice area (not the fucking Magaluf style area) and was very pleased with himself that he found a deal for peanuts when in reality it was just a shit holiday package at the price that they do cost.

I didn’t enjoy it, I spent the flipping trip trying to make up for all its shortcomings, trying to get everyone happy and getting exhausted doing the job, we also ended up spending far more than staying somewhere else as there was nothing decent to do nearby so… Op, if you just need a single person to say you are reasonable to stay at home, that is me. I bet 2 weeks in a shit place with not much to do and the food a long walk away will teach him
to be more selective next time… that is if he doesn’t end up maxing the credit cards because he cannot imagine an affordable way to survive abroad.

We would bring one from home if we were going to use one! But his mobility is so close to normal that we don't usually need to these days. This obstacle is easily overcome. (Plenty of people on here think the others are too. I may well think that too if I was just reading the snapshot on here. That's not the point really though. Holiday doesn't suit. Holiday not enjoyable in current format.)

@Bennybannsider2 say you go on hols with them.
And it goes wrong for all the reasons you mentioned.
What do you think is going to happen?

Are you expected to step up and make it good for everyone despite tye set up? Is that an expectations from others, your dh or one you’ve put on yourself (because theyre your dcs blablabla)?

Is your dh going to be stressed, angry, short?

Or can you say to him ‘you deal with it’ and then step back and let it unfold?

@Bennybannsider2 are you absolutely sure it can’t be changed? Is it through a tour operator or a DIY package?