To not go on a family holiday I wouldn't enjoy

[Bennybannsider2]

The holiday we planned to book has to be withdrawn due to the war in Iran, and it just didn't work out reinstating it now flights are back running normally. We (family of 2ad 3 teens) still want to go on holiday. We enjoy most types of hols but in recent years as we get to know our preferences some of us favour busy resorts like Benidorm (strip) and genuinely enjoy a holiday buying fake t-shirts, eating chicken & chips, going to busy bars. And some of us (me) have tried that, tried it again and don't want to do it a third time as a main holiday - I still enjoy it as a few days off season.

It ended up getting close to our annual leave dates and my husband booked a trip to this type of resort. I knew he was doing the booking and it suited me to not have to expend energy doing it. We had talked about what we wanted and one thing I definitely wanted was to go on holiday for longer than a week, which he has booked. But it's a resort I don't like, hotel looks old fashioned, pool tiny, the board basis I don't think will work for our family.....We had discussed some of these things but he didn't know that the board basis for example was a deal breaker.

I said I'm not going there. It's too late to change any parts as it was all booked so short notice.

Husband is totally capable of looking after his own kids for the holiday.

AIBU to not go on this holiday?

There isn't even much to entertain them there though! They're excited to get away on holiday obviously. But I predict they'll be hard to entertain while there as like I said, tiny pool, long walk to beach (we have fab beaches at home so don't generally seek out beaches on hols anyway) and just the tat shops they like.

Cutting off my nose to spite my face is exactly what I'm worried about.

I know this isn't going to be the best holiday we've had. I know it doesn't suit our requirements. It's not even that or suits one/ some family and not others. It's just everyone compromising for no reason imo.

I also know it'll cost a fortune when we're there- can't cook in, have to eat out, unless we walk and hour or hire a car and don't have wine with dinner the restaurant options are just fast food cafe type. I'm thinking why throw good money after bad.

I have another week's leave I can use for going away myself in September.

I find it very hard to believe that all the options are fast food options. Where is it you're going?

I think if I thought there was the slightest chance of my husband booking an AI in Benidorm or similar these not a chance I would have left him to book the annual holiday unsupervised!

YABU to take no responsibility for booking it then say you're not happy.

My family do this... Take absolutely no responsibility for booking the holiday then have the f'n audacity to complain that they don't like the activities I've booked. Shits me to absolute tears & this might well be the last holiday I book as a result.

Are you sure there is no option to amend the booking to a more suitable hotel in the same group or anything like that?

Alternatively, spend the extra to hire a car and go to visit places and stop off at supermarkets to buy croissants, fruit and veg for your breakfast and lunch and back to the hotel for dinner.

I find it odd one of you would put down a deposit on a holiday without confirming it with the other. For us researching a holiday means coming back with 2 or 3 options to discuss together later that day

Surely the reason they went ahead and booked then is because you were out numbered and perhaps aren't listening to what they want to do. Sounds like this holiday pleases them - it's you who doesn't.
I would read into it that they booked as they knew you would put a stop to it.

Regarding your son and eating - how do you mange in everyday life? Surely he can choose to eat unhealthily at school and on the way to and from?

I think you are overreacting and should go.

And have a plan for you and DH to deal with your son and his eating disorder.

YABU. You just sound like a bit of a snob

Have you considered how you family will feel that because things won’t quite go your way on holiday you’re willing to let them go without you, you’d willingly sacrifice a week of no work distractions, quality time, which you won’t get again this year and then you’re planning on using your remain weeks leave to holiday ON YOUR OWN because you prefer that over a week of a tacky resort with your family.
sorry OP but I think you need to get a grip, your teens won’t be holidaying with you for that much longer, suck it up and make the most of it.
while i get that it doesn’t sound so appealing you can find a way to make peace with it surely

You can't leave the work of booking a holiday to someone else than then refuse to go when they book it, how unfair!

I imagine you not going will ruin the enjoyment. Can't you take pleasure in the time you'll have with your family?

So why didn’t you book something you would enjoy yourself?

just go and have fun.

I don’t think you get to refuse to go if you also didn’t get involved in the planning.

certainly if my DH did what you are proposing we would have quite the falling out.

If DH and the kids go without you, the binge eating will happen regardless... Will it be any less stressful for you to be at home knowing it's happening?

I don’t get it…. On one hand you say you’re extremely worried by your son’s eating habits when he’s there… On the other hand you’re ok with him going there without you!

If you were genuinely that worried you’d either insist that the holiday was cancelled, or you would go to try and manage his behaviour as his parent. If your DS’s habits are hard to manage with both parents, it’s going be far harder with you shirking your responsibility and leaving it all to DH! But if you’re saying that DH can manage them on his own, even your DS’s eating, then how much of an issue is it?

Also, what did you cancel due to the Iran war? If it was a Cyprus holiday, that was an overreaction…

I’m not making a diagnosis, but your post makes me wonder if you are ND too.

It's not Benidorm although my family do love that! I have enjoyed Beni but I prefer it for a shorter break and a blast of autumn/ winter sun. I did have a week there (new town( as part of a 3 centre Spain holiday in the summer and it was my least favourite stop. But we had a nice clean hotel with a decent size pool and I made sure I got myself a sun lounger in the sun so it was still overall good.

It's also not AI. I'm not adverse to AI. I've been to a cheap one which was good for the money and I've been to a few expensive ones which were very worth it; food is important to me.

Yes, go and make the best of it. Old fashioned hotels don't bother me, if you're noticing it, perhaps spend less time in the room studying the decor? We only ever use rooms to sleep, dress etc and the rest of the time are on the balcony, out and about, in the sea or by the pool. As long as the room is clean and the beds reasonably comfortable, what more do you need?

Or if you've booked with Tui/Jet2 or similar, see if you can change resort to one you do like the look of?

But if you go, I'm sure that, just because the hotel serves lots of chicken nuggets and chips, it won't be the only food available, so pick food you do like.

DC will eat rubbish if it's on offer, but it sounds like your DS needs medical help with his condition, as occasional bad eating wouldn't be a problem if his diet was otherwise good.

If the small pool looks boring, then there's always the giant salty pool the other side of the long strip of sand near the hotel, or perhaps look for a nearby water park for a day out?

Exactly, surely it risks being worse with just one parent having to supervise! If the OP was genuinely that worried about her DS, she’d go. It sounds like she’s just throwing a childish strop.

You sound very inflexible and rigid in your thinking. If my partner did what you are thinking - left me to book because they couldn't be arsed, then refused to go because they didn't like what they'd left me to book, then went on holiday on their own later in the year.... Well. Let's just say they'd be holidaying alone ever after.

I won't see it so I can pretend it's not happening (although I know it will be.) like I said, my son has a problem which a holiday won't change. However a different board basis could have made it better. For example , at a nice all Inc we could have got him grilled steak or fish. He would probably also take junky bits. He would definitely run into the breakfast buffet chocolate fountain to gorge, either by nipping up at breakfast with us or by going back in himself while we're at the pool. Or at a villa or other sc accommodation we buy good food and BBQ etc there some/ most nights so at least those aren't junk food. But we have the worst of both worlds in this resort as we can't cook, and our local eateries are fast food and café (not McDonald's fast food, local fast food but still burgers, chicken nugs, pizza slice and chips etc.)

This is even worse! So you’re broadly ok with general type of holiday, but as this one isn’t quite to your tastes, you’re wanting to stay at home on your own and sulk. And on top of all this you exempted yourself from the booking too!

You sound like a spoilt 9-year old who never grew up. Grow up.

FFS, this is a family holiday and you’re the Mum! You opt out of these things if you are a decent parent.

So what is the board basis? I am confused as I thought it was AI which was the issue as son would eat constantly.

I won't see it so I can pretend it's not happening

If this is a problem you can so easily ignore, then either it’s not actually much of a problem, or you don’t care much about your son. Neither are good options.

It seems a bit passive-aggressive to give minimal input but then say you don’t want to go.