To not go on a family holiday I wouldn't enjoy

[Bennybannsider2]

The holiday we planned to book has to be withdrawn due to the war in Iran, and it just didn't work out reinstating it now flights are back running normally. We (family of 2ad 3 teens) still want to go on holiday. We enjoy most types of hols but in recent years as we get to know our preferences some of us favour busy resorts like Benidorm (strip) and genuinely enjoy a holiday buying fake t-shirts, eating chicken & chips, going to busy bars. And some of us (me) have tried that, tried it again and don't want to do it a third time as a main holiday - I still enjoy it as a few days off season.

It ended up getting close to our annual leave dates and my husband booked a trip to this type of resort. I knew he was doing the booking and it suited me to not have to expend energy doing it. We had talked about what we wanted and one thing I definitely wanted was to go on holiday for longer than a week, which he has booked. But it's a resort I don't like, hotel looks old fashioned, pool tiny, the board basis I don't think will work for our family.....We had discussed some of these things but he didn't know that the board basis for example was a deal breaker.

I said I'm not going there. It's too late to change any parts as it was all booked so short notice.

Husband is totally capable of looking after his own kids for the holiday.

AIBU to not go on this holiday?

I haven't tried phoning them no. Looking online it's an apart hotel you can either be room only in (us) or all inclusive.

If they do AI could you not consider upgrading to that? It can’t only be burger/kebab/chips!

Was this the first time he’s been left to book? It really isn’t an easy task and he probably, in the moment, just wanted the job done!

I’m always the booker of holidays. I know what everyone will like, and as long as it suits me too, then I book. I don’t discuss, I just tell them what we’re doing when, they seem happy with this, and we all have an amazing time. Nothing beats a mother’s instinct!

@Bennybannsider2 take the reins!

Doing things you don't want to do is part of being a parent. The children probably won't want to holiday with you in a few years, I'd make those memories whilst you can.

@Bennybannsider2 Having just stumbled onto this thread and read all your posts in one hit - YANBU. I wouldn't want to go there all that much either.

I've got into the habit of being able to say 'No' without having any qualms these days, and it has become very liberating. If there's something I should do, but don't want to, I don't do it. Life's too short to spend any of it being pissed off that you're somewhere you don't want to be, doing something you don't want to do just to appease other people.

Stuff it. Don't go.

You said he booked it with a travel agent. Are you sure you can’t talk to them and ask to change it?

Coming at it from a different angle BUT maybe it will alter your view. At present you have a lovely family unit who want to spend time with you. Yes your husband booked an holiday you wouldn’t have chosen and didn’t meet the what you thought was agreed criteria and you can foresee many issues with it but anything could happen tomorrow. A new day is NEVER guaranteed. Go on the family holiday with your family. The family that you created. The family that LOVE you. In a few years time I doubt the kids will even want to holiday with you. Someone could die tomorrow. Go and make some memories. When they have flown the nest you can choose a more perfect holiday for you.
You never know you might actually enjoy yourself. Life a little before it’s too late.

I'd go, it's nice bonding time with your kids. Ultimately this is a bit like "I can't be bothered to meal plan, shop and cook, can you" and then going "oh spaghetti bolognese, i don't want that". Tough - you gave him the job, he did his best to his tastes. It's not what you'd have done, but you didn't want the job.

Surely there are limits to that though - like a family holiday?

We've been to one of those and all different food options were available directly from reception on the day, quite a lot cheaper than going through the agent.

I know it's been mentioned but I would definitely ring the travel agent and see if you can change hotels, location.

We've changed hotels a few times over the years, granted mainly when we got there and they weren't suitable, but I've changed things before we left, travel agents should be able to help you out.

Did you say it would cost you 1,500 to change ? That seems a lot, if your accommodation is already expensive surely it shouldn't be that much more to pay the extra/difference. I know we've paid admin fees to change things and just the difference in costs of each hotel, although one time all fees were waived but that's because we couldn't get DDS wheelchair up steps as their lift was broken.

I'd check the booking conditions, in that tiny print there'll be the cancellation policy, each agent has their own. Many do offer for eg something like a percentage refunded 14 days before travel.

I don't think I'd stay home, I'd definitely try to make the most of it, there's been times we've slept on sofa beds and given the kids the main beds pushed together and we've even bought air beds and used them. The food situation I think is something many can sympathise with, I have 5 children, one severely disabled, We've every allergy and everyone with different tastes and we've found ourselves caught out a few times even with meticulous planning but somehow things always worked out in the end.

Another thing and not sure if it's any use to you, if we're staying somewhere without a fridge or microwave we hire them, there's usually places that bring them to the accommodation or most times the hotel hires them. Worth looking into you can stock up on things your child likes.

But it's also like the OP being worn out from endlessly meal planning, shopping and cooking and him saying 'I'll sort dinner tonight' and getting a takeaway that they can't afford from a place she hates. And not getting quite enough food.

Because its too much to ask for him to go to the effort of cooking a proper meal for once.

I’ve not RTFT, only the OP’s posts, but please OP share a link to the hotel. I’m desperate to see it. Only then if I can truly judge if YABU (I currently think you are based on what you’ve said so far)

You do sound like hard work but I agree the hotel doesn’t sound ideal. Whereabouts on the Algarve is it? Have you considered taking a 2/3 day trip in the middle of it to go exploring elsewhere? We have done this before - just taken a few essentials in rucksacks and taken a train to another city/area, it worked really well and broke the holiday up!

Thanks for all the input. Mostly AIBU (I expected this) but a few agree with me and there were some good tips for the holiday and some things to think about. I especially appreciate the posters who acknowledge that it's a crap holiday but encouraged me to make the best of it. I was really wanting opinions on "it's crap but go" versus "it's crap therefore don't go." (A lot of people disagree that it's a crap holiday which I don't want, and we spent a lot of time on that.)

To round up the last few questions...My husband booked with an online travel agent and asked within a couple of hours on live chat about changing hotels - no. Also can't change name. It was booked under a week before departure. The £1.5k is for other accommodation but paying in full IE no refund on unused days in shit hole. They aren't going to do this now. Just probably a few days out but not the majority of the time. Reason - cost. I'm not posting a link to the actual hotel- you'll just have to believe me.

OP I’d urge you to go, your children’s childhoods won’t last forever and holidays are about the memories, please stop obsessing over small details and go, enjoy making memories with your family.

Life can change in an instant, finances, illness etc you never know what’s round the corner and when you may not be in a position to get away, even look at Covid times for example.

If you've decided you'll hate it then you probably will but if you can not make it worse for everyone else then go.
If it's spectacularly shit then you'll have something you can all laugh/cringe about years later so still a bonding experience and worthwhile. If you stay home you wont have the reference points and in jokes and may just have to listen to a lot of moaning that you won't get and might actually be worse cos there's no laughs in that.
Some of our worst experiences have turned out to be funny anecdotes that still come up decades later. Anywhere there's "soup of the day" on the menu for example. It means nothing to anyone else but we still catch each others eye 😂
The other thing to consider is if someone had an accident, where would you rather be?

I understand the binge eating thing - my son was the same in his early teens and I would catastrophise about diabetes and him eating himself to death. We once did an AI holiday and he really couldn't control himself which stressed me out at first.
DH just said we have to let him be while we are on holiday knowing we will be back to being able to minimise his binge eating once we got home.

He did over eat but he would also fill his plate so much he couldn't actually eat it all so we talked about preventing waste rather than him over eating - that seemed to work once he realised that the food would still be there if he wanted to go back to buffet for more later.

My son is now 21 and I'm on holiday with him now. He is fit and healthy and eats like a normal health conscious adult.

Go on your holiday and have a rest from worrying about your son if you can. It can all be fixed when you get home as even two weeks of binge eating can be undone then.

OP stop being a killjoy and go on the holiday with your husband and kids!

When you are really looking forward to something, it sometimes turns out to be a bit disappointing. In this case it sounds like you think it will be the worst holiday ever so, in reality, it will probably end up being better than you imagined.

Regarding the food, you mentioned that you would have considered AI and that your hotel offers AI - so why not upgrade? When you get there you may find that this is an option for some nights and they sometimes offer a deal. It probably won't cost much more than ubers to go to restaurants.

Please go on the holiday and post here afterwards. Hopefully it will be a lovely family time. I really miss those holidays now my kids are grown up.

Olhus de Aqua has plenty of decent restaurants all within about a 10 minutes walk, have you actually researched in properly. There is a karaoke bar too which was really good but they only decent nighttime entertainment nearby. Although it was €5 for a bolt to Albuferia where there is plenty. Not sure if bolt do an XL like Uber but it is definitely worth checking out as it was always cheaper than Uber.

There are three water parks that don't take that long to get to by bolt if your kids aren't fussed on the pool.

I think you are disappointed by what has been booked and you are determined to hate it regardless but why not try to keep an open mind and you might realise it's not as bad as you think it will be. Life is what we make it...

You sound like a problem person..I think that is the problem 😂

I think you've been very understanding on this thread, @Bennybannsider2 considering how many people missed or underestimated your input to the planning. I totally understood your annoyance. If the kids weren't bothered whether I was there or not I would stay home and leave them to it. But if they wanted me to come then I would and try to make the best of it. If you don't go would it makes some things easier? eg your DH has the sofa bed as he's likely to be tidier and it'll be less intrusive for the the lounge area to also be his bedroom rather than the bedroom of two (possibly messier) teens?

@Starzinsky

her husband sounds more problematic…can’t even book a decent holiday on his own without the supervision of his wife

I get the aspect of not wanting to go on a type of holiday that is not your cup of tea. Most of us - average people - don't get to go on holiday often, and when we do, it is preferable to go for one that meets our needs. However, I really don't see this as a problem without a simple solution. Most bookings can be cancelled - if your husband is that much of a booking expert, he would have booked one with the ability to cancel without any loss of money. So, I would just find one you all agree on. Solved. I am really struggling to see how it had to be looked up and booked in that particular window when you were away at work - surely messages could have been exchanged, or heck, dare I say wait a few hours until you get home?

I will never, ever go on holidays to hotels, resorts and all-inclusive nonsense - I realise most people love it, to me that is the furthest thing from being relaxing. Being rounded up with other tourists near a pool, where we can enjoy our chips. The chips we could be eating at home, next to a pool that could literally be anywhere. Even if someone paid for it, I'd decline. As a matter of fact, we have done just that. A few years ago, my FIL started organising one like that where we would all go together, but since each family has a different need in terms of holiday, our unit ended up opting out. I'd say, don't go and waste holidays at places you know you will not feel good about.
Going somewhere nice (and safe) where I get to explore hidden villages, local food, and find virgin beaches without masses of people everywhere, that's more like it for our family.

It's booked. You either go and make the best of it or stay home and brood over what your son is eating while he is away. You'll have a rubbish week either way from your comments. Nothing anyone has suggested has been taken on by you. What do you expect from MN responders?