To not go on a family holiday I wouldn't enjoy

[Bennybannsider2]

The holiday we planned to book has to be withdrawn due to the war in Iran, and it just didn't work out reinstating it now flights are back running normally. We (family of 2ad 3 teens) still want to go on holiday. We enjoy most types of hols but in recent years as we get to know our preferences some of us favour busy resorts like Benidorm (strip) and genuinely enjoy a holiday buying fake t-shirts, eating chicken & chips, going to busy bars. And some of us (me) have tried that, tried it again and don't want to do it a third time as a main holiday - I still enjoy it as a few days off season.

It ended up getting close to our annual leave dates and my husband booked a trip to this type of resort. I knew he was doing the booking and it suited me to not have to expend energy doing it. We had talked about what we wanted and one thing I definitely wanted was to go on holiday for longer than a week, which he has booked. But it's a resort I don't like, hotel looks old fashioned, pool tiny, the board basis I don't think will work for our family.....We had discussed some of these things but he didn't know that the board basis for example was a deal breaker.

I said I'm not going there. It's too late to change any parts as it was all booked so short notice.

Husband is totally capable of looking after his own kids for the holiday.

AIBU to not go on this holiday?

Why on earth would you have your husband book the family holiday when you have such exacting requirements?

So what did your DH say when you got home & he presented the booked holiday & you pointed out what was wrong with it & it didn’t meet you pre-discussed options (villa, self catering or AI)? What are/were his solutions for making those compromises?

Also intrigued as to name & location of the hotel.

Cant speak for the other poster, but basically you haven't got exactly what you have in your head so have thrown a tantrum and are refusing to go. Which given you have an autistic kid only serves to give an example which really should be doubly discouraged to avoid getting too stuck in perfectionism or blow up.

You'd think wouldn't you?! One thing which is definitely influencing me is my annoyance at the price he's paid for this. I think if it was cheap I'd think, why didn't you spend more on nicer because we can afford it and it's available. But he's spent more on this than on many other hols which were available, and it's worse for our family in terms of location and accommodation. To improve it (eg hire car, taking a holiday on holiday to a nicer hotel) is dear enough and I feel like it's throwing good money after bad, and it's be easier to cut my losses and sit this one out.

Im trying to work out if my annoyance at the waste of money (which I can't change- sunk costs) is making me not want to go. Because I could get over that
But I think it's that I don't like (hate?) the place.

It's not overly remote as such. There are the mini markets and restaurants near enough but not the type of shops/ restaurants our family normally does.

I haven't been to the beach at Lisbon no.

There wasn't a day we could do it together. So it had to be one or other of us. He's booked loads of holidays and trips for our family and never made a howler like this, and he's generally a normal person so I trusted him. I don't know if you are suggesting that my "exacting" requirements are the problem here. I don't think they are outrageous requirements and they affect the whole family not just me.

So with the camping example my husband doesn't go. And that is fine. He has tried it and he doesn't enjoy it, and in our family we don't need two adults to make it work.

But you're the only one who's so unhappy that you don't want to go.

When I saw the title I thought well why would you go if you didn't want to, it's a waste of money.

But if it's been booked and paid for, I'd go and make the best of it.

And given that you had quite particular requirements, I think you should have booked it yourself. Maybe your DH doesn't think the requirements are as important as you do.

I also don't see how you can never have had an hour or so together when you could have done this. All you need to do is go onto the relevant website(s) and book it. It doesn't take that long.

No he didn't however this was unusual as we are booking at short notice and this isn't the problem really. The problem is that I really really dislike what he's booked, it doesn't suit our family, I won't enjoy it and don't want to be there enduring it and although (you probably won't believe this!) I am a positive person I forsee me being a Debbie downer if I go because it really is that bad. (For me.)

We are just back from a family holiday in the algarve. Uber and Bolt are really cheap. A 10 minute taxi journey to vilamoura marina from our villa was less than 5 euros each time, even for an uber xl. Obviously the hotel might not be ideal but you can easily get out for the day very cheaply.

Yes, in the cold light of day husband and kids realise they could have got a lot better but they're still going, no question. It is only me who is prepared to forgo the sun (we don't have a heatwave here) over this.

Hindsight is wonderful. Of course I wouldn't have arranged life so that he was booking if I'd known he was booking something so awful.

It's booked now. It can't be chang. The question is AIBU to sit it out.

If they're happy with you sitting it out, then do so.

If the kids are disappointed, I'd show them a lesson in resilience and do it.

I see your point of view but I think the risk is that you're fed up about the fact there were better options, but in actual fact, if you can get over that, there is potential to enjoy the holiday and you might really regret not going?

As a Mum of a now adult DD, I would say just embrace it, as these holidays do come to an end, or at least become less frequent, and then you'll wish you had done them all.

Would a trip to a water park for a day help with the "things to do" aspect?

Cascais and Estoril are nice to visit - or Sintra?

Is it Olhos de Agua? If so there are many more eating establishments to choose from than chicken and chips type! Have you looked on tripadvisor?

Yes. Stay home. If you can't put a face on for the duration of the holiday you'll ruin it for everyone else. And that's unfair on them.

Sofa bed he hadn't realised. He didn't purposely ignore this.

Location within the resort he hadn't researched. It is walking distance to a restaurant. The website didn't specify that the restaurant is a pizza slice stall and a kebab cafe. I suppose he was tired and forgot to look it up himself.

Board basis, again I don't think he fully understood the difference between sc and room only. Probably tired of looking. Didn't realise there weren't proper cooking facilities. Combined with location as per above, it makes a real problem. (And yes if I'm not there he will be dealing with this alone.)

Pool he had checked with kids and they said ok. The pool matters more for them as they're in it more. I think they will regret this choice but they did agree. Pool is in the shade (buildings around it) when we both like sun bathing however we didn't discuss this.

He said he would do a holiday of my choosing to make up for me hating this one! I think he was being serious!

Price he said they're all that price. Then I brought up our WhatsApps from that morning... there were better holidays for cheaper. But getting hung up on that will do no good as this is the one he's booked and it can't be changed.

TripAdvisor for the actual accommodation but I haven't looked there for the surroundings. YouTube and tiktok as well for the accommodation. Combined with the photos from actual travel agent website.

I looked on Google maps for seeing what eateries are close.

Yes I'm definitely really annoyed about spending this amount on something so crap and so unlike what we were supposed to be doing.

That can't be changed so no real point in discussing that.

Question is can I get over it yes. I don't think I can! So I am looking opinions on sitting it out altogether.

I don't think I am hard work. I suppose nobody thinks that about themselves though. I compromise loads to spend time with my family. But everyone has a limit and mine is this hotel.

My children all love holidays and autism doesn't negatively affect a holiday any more than being at home. Food problem in our case isn't really affected by being on hols (this is our life) except that in this specific hotel it will be really difficult to get to restaurants which offer more wholesome fare. Although yes it's doable with 2 x Uber or an Uber XL. For 11 nights I really don't want kebabs. My other children would probably be ok with this. My husband would never choose to eat like this either (so same as me.)

Kids are too big for most sofa beds due to height yes. (Teenagers, all adult sized 5.9 plus.) That's why we don't get them any more and it was supposed to be a non negotiable!

Walking places we do normally do on hols. Although quite often taking turns staying at the pool with child who can't walk as far. In this particular hotel there's no public transport at it, but plenty from the resort centre. That's an hour walk (or Uber) and we can get to Lisbon and loads of places. I'm mainly worried about getting to restaurants.

I enjoyed loads of different holidays including the past few years especially since kids a bit older a resort holiday. I agree I'm black and white about some things. I'm pretty annoyed at the hotel selection as it doesn't meet my standards. It's fair to say it also doesn't meet the family's requirements either!! But they are going to suck it up and I'm not sure about doing that myself.

I haven't been tested for ND no. I feel like that's a bit of a dig! I'm actually a great compromiser. Whether I am or am not ND I've been booked onto a holiday I hate, and trying to decide if I should go.

You're being incredibly awkward and self centred about this. You didn't want the hassle of booking it; your hubby wasn't aware of what was a deal breaker and what wasn't; and now you're refusing to go. Go on and enjoy yourself, ffs, and take the reins next year.

Why does anyone go to this hotel if as you say its so isolated and lacking in local restaurants ? Are the whole clientele eating at burger bars for 10 days? Is everything an hour away?
It must have some redeeming features?!

https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurants-g1190872-c10680-Olhos_de_Agua_Albufeira_Faro_District_Algarve.html

Ah sorry, I clearly misinterpreted the part where you literally said "he was doing the booking and it suited me to not have to expend energy doing it."

Your medal for not doing anger is in the post, big well done to you 🥇

So general consensus is that I'm entitled and lazy, leaving it all up to poor husband to book a holiday meeting my mystery requirements. This isn't the case. Fact is, it's a crap holiday which isn't one our family would normally pick, and the person who booked it made a mistake. There are things we could potentially do to improve it when we are there. (Throwing money at the problem.)

Now that it is booked and paid for, 4 people are going to make the best of it and go. We accept that they'll need to spend a decent chunk to make the holiday enjoyable. This is decided.

One person (me) is undecided and was asking randomers on the internet for help.

Any more advice (that's not to do it myself next time, or give better instructions!) There are a few for suck it up and go, and a few for don't go and spoil it with my misery. My instinct was not go.

Yeah I wasn't very clear I suppose. He was doing the actual booking, online check in etc but we both had been looking online and discussed ideas. I could have done the booking earlier but we initially wanted to do it together and he was too tired from working. Which pushed it back to a day I was too tired from working. So yeah it suited me not to be getting up after a couple of hours sleep to book a holiday as I didn't have the energy. With hindsight I'd have stayed up. I shouldn't have to though - husband normally a competent holiday booked and functioning adult!

I take it that's sarcasm about my medal?! I'm human so yeah I'm annoyed about being subjected to a crap holiday and paying loads for the privilege! As some pp have recognised, I could have booked one I wanted and let them grumble but I was trying to be decent like we always do. And I didn't want 4 grumblers on holiday!