To not go on a family holiday I wouldn't enjoy

[Bennybannsider2]

The holiday we planned to book has to be withdrawn due to the war in Iran, and it just didn't work out reinstating it now flights are back running normally. We (family of 2ad 3 teens) still want to go on holiday. We enjoy most types of hols but in recent years as we get to know our preferences some of us favour busy resorts like Benidorm (strip) and genuinely enjoy a holiday buying fake t-shirts, eating chicken & chips, going to busy bars. And some of us (me) have tried that, tried it again and don't want to do it a third time as a main holiday - I still enjoy it as a few days off season.

It ended up getting close to our annual leave dates and my husband booked a trip to this type of resort. I knew he was doing the booking and it suited me to not have to expend energy doing it. We had talked about what we wanted and one thing I definitely wanted was to go on holiday for longer than a week, which he has booked. But it's a resort I don't like, hotel looks old fashioned, pool tiny, the board basis I don't think will work for our family.....We had discussed some of these things but he didn't know that the board basis for example was a deal breaker.

I said I'm not going there. It's too late to change any parts as it was all booked so short notice.

Husband is totally capable of looking after his own kids for the holiday.

AIBU to not go on this holiday?

Think she means your behaviour is immature, ungrateful and the saying 'throwing dummy out of pram' comes to mind.
Grow up and enjoy some family time and stop nitpicking over every little thing. Honestly you sound a nightmare, I could understand you being so specific if your children were very young but they're teenagers, they'll manage. If you have to spend more money just do it. Ive never heard of an adult creating such drama over a non issue.

OP why on earth did you ask him to book without running his choice past you?
Go on the holiday and put up with the bits you don't like . There must be something you can eat and DS will be eating badly whether you are there or not.

So see what's near where you will be. When I'm somewhere new, I always go to the tourist info centre to see what's on offer, pick up a paper map etc. You often get a different feel for this than looking online because many smaller local places don't need to advertise online because they get enough business through word of mouth and just people walking past.

But hopefully your DH will see the difference between just booking any old hotel, which sounds like what's happened here and considering the requirements of the whole family. I would be saying things like - you chose this hotel - what were your plans for food in the evenings? What's nearby we can do? How are we going to get out and about? So he sees that booking 'a hotel' is only a tiny part of the work of booking a holiday and doing it well (like all the other aspects of 'mental load' such as budgeting, Christmas etc, obviously there's a risk of going above and beyond, but also it's not enough to just do it at such a basic level that the outcome is unsatisfactory or introduces other issues/costs etc).

I’d check online with the same company and see if there’s a better hotel available for the same dates, the. I’d ring and see if you can swap.

or find a hotel on booking.com, from your second night onwards, check into your booked hotel for one night and then swap without checking out.

Having read all your posts OP, I am very confused about what sort of holiday you want. It seems that you don't want a busy resort but you don't want a quiet resort, and you want things to do but you also just want to flop and relax. So I have some sympathies with your husband.

It sounds like the teens would like the whole family to come (and there will be very few years left to you when that is the case), so I would suggest that you go.
Otherwise there's a very real danger that your teens will remember this as the year that mum had a strop and refused to go on holiday with the rest of us.

If 5 adults in a car is too tedious, but you're the only one that's not happy with the hotel/pool, then get yourself on a bus somewhere more interesting and leave them to it during the day, and get an Uber to the place with the nice restaurants in the evening. The beauty of having teens is that you don't all have to be joined to the hip all the time, and they can do off and do their own thing.

What's actually wrong with the accommodation other than a sofa bed? I get they're annoying esp if it's one of the kids but you and hubby can go sit in your room as easily as sit in the family room if child wants to sleep. What else? Old fashioned as in decor? How much time will you actually be in it? Is it clean?

The child with the eating disorder, does he have physical issues too? You mention not being able to walk far?

It won't hurt any of you to try something a little different if this isn't your normal type of holiday. How old are the teens?

Can’t believe all these replies calling you lazy, OP! Your husband is an adults, your co parent, your equal - he should be able to book a holiday that take into account the family needs and all these issues you mention. Why do you need to be the only sensible one?!

sooooo much internalised misogyny

I don't think it's selfish leaving husband to holiday alone with kids as it's fairly normal for us to do things separately.

There's a difference between "you guys take this break, mum can't get time off so will sit this one out" and "mum is refusing to go because she thinks this time spent in your company at this location will be shite"

Especially when you expressly couldn't be arsed to get involved in the booking of it.

I couldn't get past that if I was your family...

I think you are being a total baby tbh. And yes, you are sulking. Sulking is unattractive and manipulative and is a choice. “We don’t do anger” - yeah you do, you just do it in a really unhealthy way.

Put your big girl pants on, go, suck it up, and book some activities for yourself to go and do, whether that is spa, Roman ruins, a day at a better pool, boat trip etc.

I spent my whole childhood almost never going abroad and can’t get over behaving like this. So you choose the next trip!

@Bennybannsider2 just go and have a plan in place that before and after the holiday there is absolutely no junk food allowed in your house. No sweets, no chips, no nuggets etc.. fruit, veg and non-processed meats only and yoghurt for dessert. This way your son can have a week tucking into his favourite food, as a treat week only.

Get your H and any other adults in your house onboard with this.

Your DC can’t eat junk if it’s not in the house.

This holiday would be my idea of hell but absolutely I would go. And don't ruin it by being sulky and grumpy the whole time. I would also chew dh's ears off and definitely book myself next time. In fact, we have a similar problem here - I never feel I can fully trust dh with holiday bookings.

Well I'd be pretty sad if DH didn't come because of the hotel I'd picked, think I'd feel awful.

Where are you going. For example I have been to Benidorm many times and I think visited the strip once. The old town is lovely and there is plenty of lovely places to visit locally either by organised trips or just jumping on the bus or train

I even went to kavos I few years ago and had a wonderful time only visited the strip one night and the pool party. Again lots of day trips many by public bus and even a day trip to Albania.

What I am saying where ever you go there are places to visit and things to do outside the resort.

Do it. If you sack it off, don't be surprised if your kids sack off jobs or coursework they don't like. Something doesn't have to be all to your taste. I would try to do it with good grace and without saying "I told you so" (much!)

I think refusing to go would send a big message to your whole family that your comfort is more important to you than spending time with them.

I bet my mum didn't love doing camping holidays in the British rain with us as kids either. But if she'd have declined to go we would have got the message loud and clear that spending time with us was not that important to her.

If any cooling off periods allow, just park the decision for a couple of days. Let your brain get used to it. You're disappointed with an unwelcome surprise right now, it might take a little while to process. But not seeing your husband & kids for 2 weeks having fun would potentially be a lot of connection and joy to miss out on, and ultimately I think that matters more than the catering arrangements

Bloody hell, when I saw the title I thought this was going to be about not wanting to go on an extended family holiday which had been organised over your head, and I was all ready to be supportive (I'll be going on one such holiday next month, and I'm dreading it tbh). But this all sounds a bit prima donna-ish and yes I do think you are being unreasonable.

I get that you don't want to go but not going on a family holiday because you don't want to has serious consequences..not just this year. Next year is means DH can opt out. Then kids can refuse when they feel like it. It will look like a tantrum. Just go and make sure lessons are learned. I have this clash with DH who is obsessed with a type of holiday I don't like. We are lucky that we can afford two a year. So we compromised that I go along every other year, he can either go alone or bring kids in between and I have a little more influence on the second holiday. For example this year we all did DHs holiday in Jan, soon we are going to a cultural destination I've wanted to go all my life, kids and dh are lukewarm about it, then we are flying directly from there to a tacky resort in Spain for a week to keep kids happy.

Is all inclusive, it doesn’t have to cost you anything to eat. You are just making excuses not to go

I just had an idea OP. When kids were younger and I was utterly worn out and dreading a holiday, dh and I agreed I should take a break beforehand. On one occasion I went to the destination 2 days beforehand and was in a much better headspace when they joined me. I appreciate that's tricky with costs and flights. On another occasion I had my bags packed, then went from home somewhere cheap and spent a day and night relaxing in nature and silence and arrived back in time to go straight to the airport. Again I was a different person. If you desperately need a break you might be able to do something like this.

I think you should go. It sounds like you need a holiday. If the pool is small, you can go to the beach or the water park or the local swimming pool. If the resort is trashy, research local places which are more tranquil,

Show Your kids: if you make the best of what’s in front of you, you will always be happy.

I voted you are unreasonable as you left the booking to your husband instead of doing it yourself particularly as you have very specific requirements. Also you've done nothing but moan about it on here instead of trying to make the best of it like an adult. You've consistently come up with arguments against suggestions other mumsnetters have given you. Despite coming on here for advice.

The child with the bad eating habits is clearly out of control, that's down to the parents. And as the child is out of control neither parent should be bringing them to an all inclusive place. You clearly don't want to go on a family holiday and only came on here to try and come up with a good reason not to go so you don't look like you are sabotaging the family holiday.

Don't they live together all year round? Under the circs it would be reasonable and healthy for either parent to want a week on their own somewhere. If it were one of the teen kids wanting a week away from family no one would think it unreasonable. Even the closest families need a break from each other now and then.

Just buy an electric cool box when you arrive and do a couple of ubers to a supermarket for fresh ingredients. Mixed with ubers to nice restaurants and water parks etc. You'll then save the price of a whole other holiday in Oct.

One parent having a planned week away to themselves is an entirely different scenario to a family holiday being planned, everyone wanting the whole family to go, and then one parent deciding not to come.

It’s a bit unfair to send your husband on holiday on his own with three kids, one of them high needs. Unless he is some kind of terrible arsehole you should go and make the most of it.

You have had your tantrum and sulked, now pull yourself together and find some positives - you will be on holiday, no housework, sunshine, time together! How I would love to be planning a holiday anywhere with my family - my children are grown, my husband is dead.
We only have so many chances to enjoy time with our families - don't waste them!