To not go on a family holiday I wouldn't enjoy

[Bennybannsider2]

The holiday we planned to book has to be withdrawn due to the war in Iran, and it just didn't work out reinstating it now flights are back running normally. We (family of 2ad 3 teens) still want to go on holiday. We enjoy most types of hols but in recent years as we get to know our preferences some of us favour busy resorts like Benidorm (strip) and genuinely enjoy a holiday buying fake t-shirts, eating chicken & chips, going to busy bars. And some of us (me) have tried that, tried it again and don't want to do it a third time as a main holiday - I still enjoy it as a few days off season.

It ended up getting close to our annual leave dates and my husband booked a trip to this type of resort. I knew he was doing the booking and it suited me to not have to expend energy doing it. We had talked about what we wanted and one thing I definitely wanted was to go on holiday for longer than a week, which he has booked. But it's a resort I don't like, hotel looks old fashioned, pool tiny, the board basis I don't think will work for our family.....We had discussed some of these things but he didn't know that the board basis for example was a deal breaker.

I said I'm not going there. It's too late to change any parts as it was all booked so short notice.

Husband is totally capable of looking after his own kids for the holiday.

AIBU to not go on this holiday?

If the holiday is ruined it’ll probably be because you are furious throughout it.

I think you need to work on having a better attitude this time and then making sure you book the next one.

if it’s as awful as you think, take a day off or even a night or two away by yourself to jump on a bus and see a different part of the area.

But don’t get too stressed about it - that won’t help your son with the eating disorder or your marriage. Enjoy it for what it is. Lots of families couldn’t dream of a holiday abroad with no cooking or housework for two weeks.

Definitely the getting out of the hotel is required. It's the problem. Bus to Lisbon at certain times of the day is only a fiver. Don't really want to stay there though....been and enjoyed it but sort of seen it..although haven't spent long on sintra/ caiscais. Haven't priced accommodation up. Accommodation locally I couldn't see anything under £1k which is why I was thinking about not throwing good money after bad and just calling it quits with my hol.

As others have said why not hire a car then?

I don't want to ruin their hol with a bad attitude. And I definitely have one towards this holiday!

Taking myself off, or taking the whole family off, during the hol is an option which I had basically discounted due to price. Throwing good money after bad, the hol is paid and can't be changed but I don't have to pour more money into it iykwim

From the title, I was going to agree with you, because I thought it was going to be about someone who hates heat going to central Spain in midsummer, or a habitually seasick person going on a cruise. But in fact this is exactly the kind of holiday you like. You’re just nitpicking about the size of the pool and the sofa bed and the types of food on offer.

@theturtleswimsexactly. Sounds like all discussions had been around villas in order to be able to use more control around food as regards cost and health issues eating out. We are the same and that is why we always get villas or apartments. The cost of eating out is astronomical even on holiday. And I totally get why you won’t do AI, we won’t for similar reasons regarding one child.

so yes I’d be really annoyed and spell it out. But I think I would still go on the holiday

Yes I’ll put my hands up and say I missed that the Op had done some prior research and he wouldn’t book.

I think I’d still go though.

To drive elsewhere and stay there instead - costs. The others are happy making the most of the hotel we have (which can't be changed or refunded.) So for just me I feel like the sunk costs fallacy comes into play

To drive elsewhere for day trips - because we aren't looking that type of holiday. 5 adults in a car isn't very relaxing. This is supposed to be a mainly flop holiday. We decided against a two centre city break - beach trip as we just wanted the resort part this year. Also as above the others are keen enough to get away that they'll make do with the hotel we've got! So no benefit for them in driving about

To drive out for meals- possibly. Better food would definitely massively improve my enjoyment of the holiday. Not convinced it can get me over the hotel but maybe.

Go, distract the kids by planning your own excursions, plan a picnic on the beach, explore the area and beyond, use public transport, do some research beforehand on the history of the location……..surely you’re not confined to the hotel all day long?!
Use your imagination OP ……it doesn’t have to cost much but the memories you could make will be priceless !

What is the name of the Hotel & resort. Someone on here may have been and can give you an honest opinion of it. It might be better than you think.

As someone who books every single effing holiday for a family of four all with wildly different preferences and does all the thinking and leg work that goes into it, I strongly suggest you suck it up and do all the planning yourself next time.

I can just about cope with the fact I have to do it, but if my DH moaned about my choice having done nothing to help with planning I would explode.

This holiday isn't AI but actually that is a suitable option for us and we had seen some AI in Turkey. AI suits because we can get something healthy into our son. Obviously with the unlimited Nutella and desserts it's not a healthy diet overall but we are happy with the compromise. I didn't book Turkey as husband didn't want to be squashed in a plane for that long. We have been Turkish airlines to Turkey and are now spoilt. On that trip we came home Aer Lingus and really felt the difference!

I disagree that I gave minimal input. It's hard to explain in a few words. But we've both been looking and ran out of time to all sit together to book. Selfish- I do accept this. I don't want to put myself through this holiday because I know I won't like it (in current format.) I need a break and this would be the opposite of relaxing for me. However, I don't think it's selfish leaving husband to holiday alone with kids as it's fairly normal for us to do things separately.

I've plenty of imagination for holidays and we've done some great ones with a perfect (for us) mix of pool and days out. This was due to be a pool holiday. I know I'm not confined to the hotel!!! However there's nothing decent (by my standards) within a 50min/ hour walk. I think that's too far there and back for my kids every day tbh. Im sure others are better at walking! I know they'd see the fast food places and just want to stop there and grumble the rest of the way if I made them continue! There's mini markets and kebab shops walkable. A tacky strip bit of town a bit further. (Note we've been to Beni and had fun, I think Brits abroad hols have their place.)

It's Algarve, which I don't think is well known for history! It's a tourist spot and I've nothing against tourist places being obviously a tourist myself. I saw what there was to see when we were in Algarve before and wouldn't be rushing back. The only thing I've seen which we didn't do before but could do now the kids are older is paddle boarding into caves. But I will look again in case there's day trips I've missed.

I feel like it would just be throwing good money after bad trying to save the holiday for me.

Well he's not exploding. Neither of us are like that. We don't really do anger. He realises himself he didn't pick the best holiday from what was available. The difference is that he's prepared to suck it up and make the best of it. Whereas I feel it's too far removed from what id enjoy, too much effort to make it work, too much extra costs to try and make it work...that I feel like forgoing the sun and relaxing at home by myself.

Also that's not what happened with him doing all the leg work and thinking. It was however him at the business end doing the booking and doing it under time pressure.

The Romans went to Portugal, any of these nearby:

Historical sites of the Algarve | Mercury Holidays

Or this:

https://www.walkalgarve.com/algarve-walking-sightseeing-birding-routes/seven-hanging-valleys-trail-lagoa-western-algarve

Gosh, is this family life these days? Mum doesn’t like the hotel booked so leaves everyone else to it? This is insane.I simply can’t imagine either of my parents behaving that way because 1) they wanted to spend time with us and 2) they would have communicated and made a decision together.

I really think that if you are thinking of not going on a family holiday because the hotel doesn’t suit you there must be something bigger at play here? It seems extraordinarily self-centred and models terribly selfish behaviour to your kids, as well as sending the message that they/the family is not important to you.

Also, once you do this you’re unlikely to have a family holiday again because you’ve shown them that it’s ok not to come. Hubs will be off doing his own thing for sure next year, or mine would.

I don't particularly want to stay at home alone. Just that compared to this particular holiday it sounds better!

There's nothing keeping me at home, nothing I'd be doing if I stayed. Id probably gut the house, clean out garage and all the cupboards or something like that. Satisfying but not exactly exciting. Relaxing will come from just not being at work. Sunshine and heat - will not get this at all.

You can’t have it both ways, it suited you not to participate in choosing and booking and you only gave one non-negotiable. DH has booked everything you asked for and it turns out that you wanted to be much more specific than you said. If I was your DH I would think you were sulking.

The other end of Algarve but doable. Distance isn't really a barrier for us. For example we were on holiday in Algarve and it was rainy and we got a hire car and went to Porto. It was a tiring 20 hours but fun. I don't think these sites are enough to sufficiently improve my holiday. Kids would have mixed feelings on these trips.

For goodness sake just suck it up. It’s two weeks not a life sentence.

I think I am sulking. That's why I'm looking opinions. I genuinely think that the holiday is so poor by my standards that I couldn't enjoy it, and it would cost so much money to improve it for me.

There were actually a few non negotiables. It is a holiday over a week - this was a requirement. However it has a sofa bed, small pool and isn't AI or SC- again all requirements. Or so I thought. Kids complained (and I agreed with them) that they're too big for sofa beds so when I was looking I avoided those entirely. Kids said they wanted decent pool. I agreed. Im in just for a dip and playing with them and I can make do with a tiny pool if needs be. They've seemingly changed their requirements in the space of an afternoon!

Not all the requirements were driven by me. Although the board basis one is TBF.

Its not modelling great behaviour to the kids

Yeah I know. I just dread the thought of this hotel, this resort, risk of listening to kids grumbling about sofa bed and pool and walking (although that's potentially solved if Uber ideally Uber XL easily available.) I dread it to the extent I think I'd be better off at home!

Explain your pov please