To not go on a family holiday I wouldn't enjoy

[Bennybannsider2]

The holiday we planned to book has to be withdrawn due to the war in Iran, and it just didn't work out reinstating it now flights are back running normally. We (family of 2ad 3 teens) still want to go on holiday. We enjoy most types of hols but in recent years as we get to know our preferences some of us favour busy resorts like Benidorm (strip) and genuinely enjoy a holiday buying fake t-shirts, eating chicken & chips, going to busy bars. And some of us (me) have tried that, tried it again and don't want to do it a third time as a main holiday - I still enjoy it as a few days off season.

It ended up getting close to our annual leave dates and my husband booked a trip to this type of resort. I knew he was doing the booking and it suited me to not have to expend energy doing it. We had talked about what we wanted and one thing I definitely wanted was to go on holiday for longer than a week, which he has booked. But it's a resort I don't like, hotel looks old fashioned, pool tiny, the board basis I don't think will work for our family.....We had discussed some of these things but he didn't know that the board basis for example was a deal breaker.

I said I'm not going there. It's too late to change any parts as it was all booked so short notice.

Husband is totally capable of looking after his own kids for the holiday.

AIBU to not go on this holiday?

Re me going separately - My husband and I do this normally. We each go on holiday with friends plus go on a family holiday. The point is that yes I'm very ready for a flop by the pool type holiday but I can get that later in the year.

But you chose not to be involved in the booking when you clearly have very precise requirements, so you have to suck it up now.

The weather will be nice, your family all enjoy this type of holiday, you really can't take pleasure in relaxing, maybe reading a few books, maybe playing a game of cards or something? It can still be nice even if it isn't perfect.

In the nicest possible way you ABVVVU.
You didn’t book it. Your family are going, your kids will want you there, your husband sounds like he’s tried his best and now he must feel terrible that you are thinking about staying home.
The hotel may not be the best, the pool might be smaller than you’d like, the AI food will not be up to your standard and a bit of a nightmare for your DS but you know what? It’s a family holiday and you can make it work. Stop being a holiday princess and be a team player - look at ways to make it work rather than looking at all the negatives. Hire a car mid holiday for 3 days and see some of the destination, have a couple of lunches out that you can control and then try and enjoy the rest of the time.
Next year, book it yourself.

Stop being a holiday princess and be a team player

This 💯!

It is Portugal Algarve but the accommodation is a bit inland. You'd have to taxi to old town and it's a decent but doable walk to new town (hour?.) There's 2 mini markets, a chicken &chips cafe, a Chinese, a kebab cafe and a pizza slice stall about a 15-20 min walk away.

This. And selfish.

I get this because DD1 (SN) is the same. But it's a holiday. Two weeks of eating rubbish and gorging himself isn't going to change anything.

When DD2 did Slimming World we deliberately paused for holidays and she had Fridays off. She still lost 10kg in a short timeframe.

It seems that all your holiday woes could be solved by simply booking a hire car and making day trips to places further out (including water parks, if the pool is inadequate for the family's wants - although the teens have agreed). And driving to the 30 minutes off restaurants (which it is a worry that you consider to be too far to walk) that provide the food you want.

Or there may well be very decent public transport and/or easy access to taxis if this is a main resort.

I'm not really sure why you haven't looked into this at all as you say you don't like resort holidays. Are you sure it's not just a reactive worry to not being involved in the holiday booking process?

So it must be BB or HB, perhaps BB, so they need to eat out for lunch and dinner but there's nowhere except fast food places nearby?

Sounds unlikely tbh. There might be more choice once they get there, the fast food places might do healthier food, the hotel might do a HB upgrade or there might be ready made food available from supermarkets they can eat - prepared salads, hot counter, ham, cheese, bread, olives etc.

OP what's his plan for food when you're there, given he's chosen this hotel? I do agree with the PPs saying you can't complain if you didn't input choosing the hotel, but if he's booked BB somewhere where there's no decent restaurants or other ways of accessing nice food within budget for lunch and dinner, that does seem rather short sighted or possibly weaponised incompetence.

You make it work for this year, you have fun for the children’s sake then next year you don’t say “book it without me”

I know your so’s eating is different but I still think it’s a ‘on holiday were more likely to eat more crap’ thing and you could guide as much as possible but also relax. Op it’s a holiday, try and breathe through it!

I cannot be the only wife on here who spent many years doing all the researching and booking because DH couldn’t be bothered and who automatically took his and others wishes into account and didn’t just book what I fancied.

If you leave someone else to book then you can’t expect your long list of requirements to be met. Especially if you haven’t actually told the other person those requirements!

if your happy to go with the flow then great let someone else book otherwise be part of the process.

Now I know you’re going to Portugal (my favourite holiday destination) i have a villa there. I can tell you that uber is extremely cheap there (a 50 min journey is €20) get some Ubers for nice fresh food in Villamoura, Alvor, Lagos. The beach as old town is €5 for a sun lounger all day - you get one and let your husband take the kids on a trip to the aqua parks.

Weather - yes. This is why I go on summer holidays.
Reading - again yes. I got my library books last week.
Card game - another yes. Got a new game and had a test game a few days ago.

I'm not sure the family will love it tbh. But yes it's close enough to what they've enjoyed before so I think they'll enjoy this ok. I think this was a panic booking as the small pool and distance from town is not something we've ever looked for. Also the accommodation - very specially we didn't want a sofa bed. But now we do. Despite there being loads of accommodation with 5 proper beds in other resorts and other parts of this resort.

So the eating is going to happen anyway. I don’t understand why that’s a reason for you not to go.

I can see why you might be irritated with DH's final choice, but it’s done now and apparently can’t be cancelled, so the mature thing to do would be to make the best of it. Refusing to go would be petulant and childish.

Ok, I had not checked Uber prices. I was going off trip advisor reviews and a couple of Facebook pages I found. But I was looking for taxi prices. We don't have Uber where I live so I always default to taxi.

If the food was improved (by going to where the nice food is) that would make a big difference.

So why did he choose this place? Was it very cheap? How far is it from the beach? Just trying to see why he picked it from the thousands of hotels in the Algarve?

But the cafe/takeaways don't sound too awful, surely they'll do salads as well as chips and Chinese can be just meat or prawns with veg and noodles, so reasonably healthy.

I'd be more annoyed if it's not walking distance, so 20 mins max from the beach, bus stop, nice restaurants etc, I don't want to be faffing around finding taxis on holiday, which is also going to be expensive if you use them for more than the odd short journey.

I think holidays are what you make them OP. I would just go and enjoy the time with uuur family. We’ve stayed in some questionable hotels over the years as we’ve never had a large holiday budget, but we always enjoyed ourselves.

I know you’re worried about your sons eating but how much disruption does it cause? Does he just take a lot of food on his plate, then keep going back for more plates of unhealthy food or is he literally eating straight from the buffet itself/taking food from other people’s plates etc? Because if it’s the first then I would just let it slide for a week or so, if it’s the second then it’s more of an issue and I can see why it would be stressful. The fact you say your husband will be able to manage the situation by himself makes me question if it’s a massive issue.

Just go. It won’t be many years until the kids are grown and you may regret not spending this time with them.

You are being completely ridiculous. Imagine how your kids will feel if their mum doesn’t come on the main family holiday because she’s sulking that it doesn’t meet her exact requirements. Get over yourself and suck it up for the sake of your kids.

I also pointed this out to my husband. We generally book together apart from one time he booked Beni when I thought he was just going to get prices!

I could have booked last week when he wasn't available to take full part- opposite situation to today.

But because he's told me he doesn't want to do a Eurocamp/ tent holiday or go to SE Asia, I wouldn't have booked those. I also wouldn't have booked accommodation where someone's on a sofa bed because that's not comfortable (basically all adult sized.) Of course there may have been compromises but the non negotiables would have been covered. I wouldn't have ignored his (or kids') preferences.

YBU
You’ll only get a few of these holidays with the kids, and comparison is thief of joy. This is the accommodation booked; make it work, and definitely don’t miss out. I get the disappointment and frustration, but it’s done.

make adaptations:
Ubers or rent a car
If you have a car, make the use of supermarkets and do salads / rotisserie chicken / charcuterie / fruit meals
If longer than 7 days - maybe get an affordable other spot for 1-2 nights out of the break (DH and I usually do this) - maybe just you or you+daughter or something to make specific memories (the others get similar flexibility)

And edited to add - next year def do SEAsia!

I'm not sure if I'm sulking or if I'm saving myself from throwing good money after bad trying to save this holiday.

The kids have a preference for everyone to go together but we have also done it where one parent goes. We can't always get leave together on school holidays so this way the people who are available still get a holiday. We've never done it where both parents could go, but one chooses not to. (My suggestion for this year basically.) Kids seem ok with this suggestion. Having 4 people not 5 makes some things slightly easier. This is not a reason for me not going just a slight benefit.

Have others missed that you actually researched a load of places to stay (airports, towns and villas) and wanted to choose something together but your DH said "no, not now" because he was tired? But then when you were at work he totally ignored all your research, despite exchanging emails about it on your breaks, and booked a completely different kind of holiday, only taking input from the teens who like junk food and tat? I'd be annoyed too, @Bennybannsider2. I'm not sure, though, that I'd actually leave them to it and stay at home. I'd probably just go and try to make the best of it and hope I could book something else to actually look forward to later in the year.

Explore the area and look for places to explore nearby. I think the children would be disappointed if you don't go. As others are saying you really need to check in future. Try to do some research so you can make the best of this unfortunate situation. Understand you are fed up but not going would likely cause major upset particularly for the kids.