To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

I’d be furious. Cheeky mare. Get a lock.

My kids use my en-suite, and my daughter uses my stuff, I also pinch her expensive makeup, win win

I hope you protected your deposit. Let me guess - he wouldn’t be able to house himself if you weren’t around to finance it.

Read her the riot act. And your DP too for being an arsehole.

That would fuck me right off. Entitled little sod using up all your stuff!!!

Oh here we go!

what a pile of rubbish

@EasterEstherEgg id go postal on this, at the SD and at your H for allowing this. Be VERY clear that your bathroom is off limits as is all your stuff.

rockets. Send multiple rockets up ‘em.

She shat in your kettle....its intentional and you need to be smart about your response. Be the grown up and express how invasive this is. How would she feel if it was her bedroom/stuff? But make it about learning respect and being thoughtful for others...oh, and she's definitely got to clean ensuite.

It could be a bonding thing but the wearing of the OP’s dressing gown is just weird! I don’t think I’d even have put my own mum’s dressing gown on at that age let alone a step-mum’s. It’s rather strange.

To me, it sounds like a territorial thing - purposely using your bath, your products, and your dressing gown. She waited until you were out so maybe she gets a kick out of crossing your boundaries and using your products. Your DH needs to give her a talk - or, as a PP suggested, you could pretend to do the same to her to get the message across.

I'd read her the Riot Act and put a lock on the bedroom door. What DH says to his daughter about her cheek and lack of respect would determine whether he got given a key.

How well do they get on with you. Maybe sounds like the SD doesn't like you

Just for info: does the other bathroom have a bath?

She absolutely shouldnt be using your stuff. But I might not mind her in the bathroom with her own stuff were it the only bath.

Sympathies OP, been there too, although at least mine didn't wear my slippers (AFAIK) but she'd go through a bottle of my expensive shampoo in under a week without replacing it. I'd read the riot act and ban use of the en-suite. I'd also read the riot act to DH if he knew this was going on!

The use of the room itself wouldn’t bother me much. My kids use our en-suite.
Using your products and cloths though is absolutely not on. That’s invasive.

Me neither. I really don’t get why people would be so enraged I’ve never heard of it.

I'd rather have a good relationship with her than have a major issue with this. She loves your stuff obviously, it's really nice that she does IMO. You sound very insular, do you not feel she's part of your family? If she wasn't taking care of your things or wasting it then that's different, but you didn't even notice. Would you really not share your shampoo with your kids? I wear my mums dressing gown when I'm at hers.

It's literally just a bathroom, most people only have one for the whole family and do just fine. I think you need to get over yourself.

I couldn’t be like this, I wouldn’t have an issue with sharing a bathroom and products, if I have something particularly expensive to treat myself then I keep it in my room.

There’s no way your DH should have allowed this. They are both taking the piss, I’d be leaving and buying a house of my own. And no I’m not joking. Living with other peoples teenagers is hell.

Oh come on!

I think day to day your rule makes sense, but personally I would allow it when away, with a few stipulations perhaps. Would you be so mad if it were your own child do you think?

I think I'd buy her a matching dressing gown and a few products and make a joke out of it!

Unless there's a lot more to this story?

It kind of feels like as a teenage girl she needs a private bathroom spot from time to time, much as you do.

But it's obviously upset you and it's worth understanding that too.

Chuck the fuckers out of your house!! ALL of them including your “d” h!!

If she has been specifically told the en-suite is out of bounds then yeah totally out of order. It goes without saying, that at 17, she would clearly understand that means she can't access it which also means she can't use anything in it (I.e. products, dressing gown etc). Not rocket science.

Do you get on? Does she have form for defying rules or requests from you that her dad isn't enforcing?

And what does her dad think about it?

All of those saying they wouldn’t be bothered are forgetting that this is being done without OPs permission. It’s her stuff for gods sake! It’s one thing to be asked and given a chance to say yes or no but OP hasn’t had that.

I agree with this… I find it really sad that so many people would put locks on doors in their houses to keep children out, and all the talk of “marking territory” or retaliation… isn’t it their home too? My kids are pretty young so maybe I’ll feel differently when they’re teens but I can’t imagine banishing them from my bedroom or a bathroom

I think it's DH's problem to sort out. He buys a lock, fits it and only you have the keys. I would also demand new dressing gown and slippers plus anything else someone else has used. Or ask them to leave and divorce. This is not a minor situation it is showing you how little they think of you (bit like pissing in your bed).

This has made me laugh out loud. I'm not sure I'm allowed to have friends over to my parents' house after the infamous party of 1991 while they were on holiday...

Totally irrelevant. It’s about boundaries, not who owns what.