Page 6 | To ban SD from my en suite?!

EasterEstherEgg · 2026-07-02T17:48:04+00:00

I’m fuming!! When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed. Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away! She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

ThreadGuardDog · 02/07/2026 21:52

CountryGirlInTheCity · 02/07/2026 21:47

I’m wondering what the response would be if the OP had been ‘My SD doesn’t like me using her bathroom but when she’s not around I have a bath there and use all her products. She’s found out and is upset’. I’m pretty sure there would be lots of ‘You’re invading her privacy; You’ve stolen her personal things and should apologise; You’re a terrible stepmum to infringe on her personal space’ and so on.

Whether we would do the same or not, OP was clear from the outset that a private en suite was a prerequisite to her feeling happy to share a house with her DP and his DC. Not only has her SD gone against OP’s express wishes in her own home, she has taken some of OP’s belongings without asking. She is 17 not 7. And for all those saying ‘My DD helps herself to my stuff all the time, it’s not a problem’ why do you allow this? Surely it’s basic manners to ask before you use something that belongs to someone else? My DD has left home now but if she wanted to use some products of mine or borrow a pair of shoes she would always ask first. And I paid her the same courtesy. The SD could well be off to uni in a year’s time…is she going to help herself to other people’s things there too?? Food from the fridge for example, or someone’s shampoo from the shared bathroom? Why is it then ok for her to take OP’s personal belongings?

OP I completely understand why you feel so aggrieved. I would be making it very plain that it’s unacceptable behaviour.

Absolutely this.

Lmnop22 · 02/07/2026 21:54

SummonTheMagpies · 02/07/2026 21:00

I agree with this… I find it really sad that so many people would put locks on doors in their houses to keep children out, and all the talk of “marking territory” or retaliation… isn’t it their home too? My kids are pretty young so maybe I’ll feel differently when they’re teens but I can’t imagine banishing them from my bedroom or a bathroom

Show quote history

Exactly. My son won’t use any other toilet (granted he’s only 7) because once there was a spider in the downstairs toilet (2 years ago) so he’s scared to go in there now….

Frenzi · 02/07/2026 21:54

Is the ensuite the only bath in the house? If not, then absolutely no reason for her to be using it.

Pieandchips999 · 02/07/2026 21:58

Honestly some of the reactions here are a bit extreme! She shares a bathroom with siblings. You were away. She obviously just wanted to play grown up for a bit. The products bit was cheeky but I wouldn't be bothered about the bathroom itself. Also for a lot of kids they just see a bathrobe as an extra keep warm layer, probably like a cardigan. She'd likely be completely horrified if she realised you use it naked. I think I got that from one of the replies. You sound like you're not a big fan of hers

Ilovelurchers · 02/07/2026 21:59

It's a bit of an invasion of privacy to go into your privare space without permission, yes; and she should certainly ask to borrow your products.....

But to be honest I would be annoyed with my husband more than with the girl. I assume he knows she does this and has allowed it?

I wouldn't get furious about it as it's a fairly standard teenage thing to do I think. My daughter has admitted to "borrowing" her dad's partner's hair products sometimes without asking, and while I told her she shouldn't I didn't go mental at her and I would consider it disproportionate if anyone else did!

She doesn't touch my hair products - too basic! I however have been known to borrow hers. But everything is shared between us - I've always told her to help herself to anything she needs/wants, and she says the same.

Out of interest, would your SD be ok with you using her stuff? If she and her mom share stuff freely, is it possible she just doesn't really consider it a big deal?

Horses7 · 02/07/2026 22:05

NO ONE uses my en-suite, in fact sharing a bathroom with H on holiday is almost purgatory 🤣
Plus no one other than guests are allowed to use the downstairs loo …..as a result it always is perfect (after guest has left I’m in there🤣) .
I’d prefer ii if all humans use toilets outside the house but I realise this isn’t possible and I’m being unreasonable!

Seasonofthesticks · 02/07/2026 22:05

My mum let me use her ensuite and beauty/hair products/perfume whenever when I was a teen! I was the only girl though…

AliceMcK · 02/07/2026 22:06

YANBU

Shes not a child, you set down the house rules when you moved in together, she’s absolutely taking the piss. It’s very much a power move against step mum.

Ilovemyfam · 02/07/2026 22:07

Delphiniumandlupins · 02/07/2026 20:13

I think the issue is that OP has said the en suite is not to be used by the children. Rather than discuss that with her and negotiate a compromise, her SD has helped herself to the space, products and clothing. It's an invasion of privacy. If her dad is aware this has been happening he should also have raised it.

This - 💯 it is the fact that they have broken a rule. A lock/keypad needs to go on the door.

Ilovemyfam · 02/07/2026 22:09

Seasonofthesticks · 02/07/2026 22:05

My mum let me use her ensuite and beauty/hair products/perfume whenever when I was a teen! I was the only girl though…

And you presumably negotiated this in advance. That is the point here IMO.

Cherrytree86 · 02/07/2026 22:12

InkyWink · 02/07/2026 19:53

I couldn't give a shit about this. You must be so uptight.

@InkyWink

uptight cos she doesn’t wanna share her slippers and dressing gown?!

Seasonofthesticks · 02/07/2026 22:15

Ilovemyfam · 02/07/2026 22:09

And you presumably negotiated this in advance. That is the point here IMO.

Show quote history

I think it just happened naturally, so yes I wasn’t banned from doing it

PurpleThistle7 · 02/07/2026 22:18

Is your daughter also banned from the space? Just checking as you specifically said teenagers.

HumberSquid · 02/07/2026 22:21

Ilovemyfam · 02/07/2026 22:07

This - 💯 it is the fact that they have broken a rule. A lock/keypad needs to go on the door.

Show quote history

If her dad's ok with it, maybe it isn't a rule (Im talking about using the en suite, obviously the OP gets to decide who gets to use her products and dressing gown)?

BMW58 · 02/07/2026 22:22

Go in HER room and take anything you fancy. Not to keep forever, just as long as you fancy.

atait1502 · 02/07/2026 22:24

Can I ask the reason why she isn’t allowed in there? I would be a bit naffed at her using the stuff without asking but wouldn’t have minded if she did ask.

MoistVonL · 02/07/2026 22:28

smallsilvercloud · 02/07/2026 20:56

I couldn’t be like this, I wouldn’t have an issue with sharing a bathroom and products, if I have something particularly expensive to treat myself then I keep it in my room.

It was in her room. In the bathroom that is only accessible through her actual bedroom.

If you are the type of person who loves luxury toiletries - which the OP clearly is, given she says an en suite was essential for her - then it's a piss take for her stepdaughter to go into her room and use her good stuff.

MeridaBrave · 02/07/2026 22:30

I think using en suite is ok but totally NOT ok to use your products or dressing gown.

Vartden · 02/07/2026 22:31

When you only have one bathroom,and 5 adults your main priority is schedules so you get to work and college on time. If we had an ensuite anyone could use it. What a fuss.

Stigo · 02/07/2026 22:34

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.
So nonplussed by all the posters who are fuming over it 😂. Unclench. Jeez.

Ilovelurchers · 02/07/2026 22:36

CountryGirlInTheCity · 02/07/2026 21:47

I’m wondering what the response would be if the OP had been ‘My SD doesn’t like me using her bathroom but when she’s not around I have a bath there and use all her products. She’s found out and is upset’. I’m pretty sure there would be lots of ‘You’re invading her privacy; You’ve stolen her personal things and should apologise; You’re a terrible stepmum to infringe on her personal space’ and so on.

Whether we would do the same or not, OP was clear from the outset that a private en suite was a prerequisite to her feeling happy to share a house with her DP and his DC. Not only has her SD gone against OP’s express wishes in her own home, she has taken some of OP’s belongings without asking. She is 17 not 7. And for all those saying ‘My DD helps herself to my stuff all the time, it’s not a problem’ why do you allow this? Surely it’s basic manners to ask before you use something that belongs to someone else? My DD has left home now but if she wanted to use some products of mine or borrow a pair of shoes she would always ask first. And I paid her the same courtesy. The SD could well be off to uni in a year’s time…is she going to help herself to other people’s things there too?? Food from the fridge for example, or someone’s shampoo from the shared bathroom? Why is it then ok for her to take OP’s personal belongings?

OP I completely understand why you feel so aggrieved. I would be making it very plain that it’s unacceptable behaviour.

In response to the "why do you allow this" question - because it wouldn't occur to me not to? Because it's how I prefer to live? It's not just my daughter who I allow to freely use my stuff (I'd give her both my kidneys after all - of course she can have my hair spray) but friends who are visiting too.

It's how I was raised I guess. I always had free access to my mom's stuff - she has much better perfumes than me and still at the age of 47 I enjoy having a few squirts of them when I am staying or visiting, and on the occasions I do think to ask, she looks at me like I am being ridiculous and says "me casa es su casa" (and I guess by extension means, me perfume es su perfume). My best friend always says this when I visit her too.

It's a lovely feeling, to feel someone loves you so much that they will freely share their things with you. And that's how I want to make my daughter and my friends and family feel. If they need a tampon or want to try some face cream or whatever, and I have these things, why wouldn't I freely share them?

It's OK that OP and others don't feel the same - everyone is different and everyone shows love and respect differently. But I do think that implying it's somehow wrong to freely share your stuff, that it gives kids the wrong message, is a bit bonkers.

KateSixer · 02/07/2026 22:37

I think you are being unreasonable. If you want a successful relationship you need to treat your SD as your DD.

I feel that you would not have posted this if it were your DD. So I think you are prejudiced against your SD.

AliceMcK · 02/07/2026 22:39

Vartden · 02/07/2026 22:31

When you only have one bathroom,and 5 adults your main priority is schedules so you get to work and college on time. If we had an ensuite anyone could use it. What a fuss.

It’s not 5 adults and 1 bathroom. It’s 3 teenagers 1 bathroom plus 1 seperate toilet plus one separate shower.

Flamingojune · 02/07/2026 22:41

If your dd is allowed then so should everyone be. Its not a big deal though

StormGazing · 02/07/2026 22:41

My children also always ask if they can use our en suite (to be fair they have their own but theirs are upstairs lol … main bathroom downstairs too