To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

Also totally agree. Quite sad really.

Agree

I think it is better to use the kitchen as a panic room - it has the kettle, tea bags, milk, any chocolate you hid, biscuits and any other assorted paraphernalia you might need.

The term used most commonly in the UK is ‘child of the family’, and it is not something that automatically, or even usually, applies to a stepchild. The default relationship between a stepparent and stepchild is that of legal strangers.

The ‘moral’ argument is irrelevant.

I wish OP and her daughter the best going forward.

My eldest is late 30’s and still comes home and uses my en suite and I let her use whatever she wants of mine, I fact all my daughters do, I don’t have a problem with it!

I think you'll find she is 17. It's the OP's own daughter who is 12.

This. This is very true and so sweet.
Re the expense unless she's working down a mine for 2.99 a week yes she may know it's expensive but not it's true worth !!
How can she !!

This is so sad and I'm sorry but I don't like this blended family stuff.

I'm with you there! Plus, it's not so much that people think other people are weird for doing things differently, but that people get absolutely outraged that other people think differently.

Apart from the hyper martyred doormats (who for their own sakes I hope are not really like that), most of the posters critical of the OP actually do seem to have boundaries. Some apparently will object to theft of a parent's Ferrari, for example So they're not furious that the OP has boundaries, they're furious that the OP's boundaries are not identical to their boundaries.

It's a very typical 17 yo thing to do. If this is the worse she has done and you Havant even noticed before you are very lucky

At seventeen she should know that OP’s £50 face cream shouldn’t be used to moisturise her legs !! Nor should she be wearing OP’s bathrobe and slippers.

Can you get them out? Is this a big mess for you? It’s so disrespectful and no doubt it’s just the tip of the iceberg for you. Move on and don’t look back - you don’t need to put up with this for the rest of your life…and it will be the rest of your life because this is essentially a DH issue.

Both SC and DH treat our house like a dosshouse

How so? What else has been going on?

OP, I also have a DD12. We both love our skincare and both have our own bathrooms.

Nobody disrespecting anyone or leaving a mess! Bliss. I couldn't imagine compromising her home life like this.

Your step daughter knew exactly what she was doing. Unlike some of the bonkers posts on here about it being sweet etc. I would find it creepy, coupled with the blatant disrespect and continual mess, I would be done.

Save your sanity, finances and the rest of your girl's childhood. Nothing, and I mean nothing would make me entertain any of what you described.

No man can be worth this.

So you think it’s perfectly acceptable for a 17 year old SC to sneak into the en-suite while OP isn’t home, and despite the fact that she’s made it plain she doesn’t want anyone in there ? Not only that but she helps herself to OP’s expensive product and rifles through OP’s wardrobe. And DH just lets her. It’s a massive ‘fuck you’ to the OP, who is working her arse off and is the main earner. So no respect either for the lifestyle she’s affording them. No wonder teens are growing up to be rude entitled arseholes if the adults are setting them such poor boundaries.

But it’s her home. My family can go anywhere they want in their own house. My kids are, shock horror, allowed in my bedroom. Because they are my family and it’s their house as much as mine. Why do in need private areas in a family home?! My daughter can help herself to whatever she wants of mine!! No sneaking around involved!!

I don't want to share my stuff with DS. Most of it was bought before he even existed (nail polish, make up and perfume.) I'm allowed to have my own shit, separate from DS. He might want to use it when he's older, he might not, but he's still not having it.

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. She obviously admires her stepmother and wants to be like her. If she comes from a home with head lice, OP home probably seems the height of luxury.

Forget the stepdaughter stuff. I would be annoyed with a daughter using my chanel face cream on her legs. However, a daughter probably wouldn't. They are brought up with boundaries, they are instilled from a very early age. Stepdaughter has been brought up differently. She has just walked into a luxurious home with luxurious toiletries and fancies her chances. I doubt her mum has got nice clothes, en suite and posh toiletries.

It needs to stop. She needs to be told. Again. Husband needs to step up. Does she live with you or shared with her mother? I'd be inclined to say that she abides by your rules or goes to live with her mother. However, first of all, I would ban her from en suite and buy her some nice toiletries of her own. Not Chanel. Ffs everyone knows that chanel is 'special '.

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. She obviously admires her stepmother and wants to be like her.

She’s 17. She’s been told in no uncertain terms to stay out of OP’s bedroom. She ignores it and waits until OP is away and then uses her en-suite, her expensive face cream to moisturise her legs, and rifles through her wardrobe. Sorry, not flattering at all. Just nasty.

And that’s the beauty of things - we’re all different. The point is that OP doesn’t want anyone in there. She’s entitled to her feelings, and her privacy - the problem here is that SD has no respect for that.

she is 17 not 12

how can she? because she is 17 and has access to shopping online

I cannot even imagine what it's like for 7 people having access to only one bathroom within their home. It probably accounts for why you made this post, with your attempts to scoff at the OP's 'worries in life'.

Doesn't make them any less real though. The OP has every right to her privacy and space being respected and that her things aren't used by others. She is a person in her own right, not just the provider for a pretty ineffective H and his kids.

Fuck me, aren't they all lucky to have you in their lives.

So your husband lets his kids live in a house that's unsanitary? Nice