To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

What was her explanation when you asked her why she used your stuff?
I would tell her that if she did it again, especially without asking, you'd make her pay to replace you creams/lotions she's used .

I don’t even let DH use the toilet in our en-suite, YANBU

So what happened? Was she embarrassed?

I think pick your battles. You weren't using your ensuite. So a bit dog in the manger to be mad about that providing it's cleaned for your return. But your personal items she should not be using. However you need to say this firmly but without rage. Otherwise you could do some serious relational damage over what is essentially a minor issue in the bigger scheme of things.

I understand your rage though.

My teenage daughter knows to ask permission to use my en-suite. I have a far superior tub. It doesn’t harm me to let her use it on occasion, but she does check to make sure monopolizing the area for an hour won’t be a problem.

I’m really surprised by this. I wouldn’t care if my kids used my bathroom or my stuff or if my DD wore my clothes. It’s their home and they are my children, I literally grew and birthed them. They are teens and they are messy but my home is their home. Surely!

Or is this a step child thing?

Finding these responses really weird and feeling grateful that I didn’t grow up with such an uptight mother!

This
Keep this in perspective OP.
Just reinforce your requisite re use of ensuite.
Pick your battles

I think I’m probably going against the crowd but I don’t think I would be bothered anyone using my en-suite. But I don’t have stepchildren, I have 3 kids (2 boys, 1 girl) and everyone uses whatever bathroom is most convenient at the time. The only thing that would upset me would be using my stuff without asking so I would definitely have a word about that!

My suggestion: go into your SD's room while she's there and help yourself to her stuff. Makeup, beauty products, clothes, accessories, shoes, whatever you fancy. Sharing goes both ways after all!

Her behaviour is very strange and invasive, but maybe doing the same thing to her (or at least pretending to) will open her eyes to what a massive boundary violation it is.

I'm curious btw, what did you say to her when this happened, and what was her reaction?

I get it but I would alse be quite flattered that she wanted to use my stuff and would use it as a bonding thing. My niece loves a super long shower and taking ages to get ready and I happily give her my bathroom products and dressing room when she is here so she can enjoy herself it’s a nice thing ?

Using the en-suite when I’m not there wouldn’t bother me, but I’d be annoyed at anyone using my stuff and especially wearing gown/slippers. Does she wash them afterwards or have you just been unknowingly wearing it after her?

Sorry but NO !! Would not be at all happy with this from my DC let alone SDC

I think the issue is that OP has said the en suite is not to be used by the children. Rather than discuss that with her and negotiate a compromise, her SD has helped herself to the space, products and clothing. It's an invasion of privacy. If her dad is aware this has been happening he should also have raised it.

What does your partner have to say about this ... a crucial piece of information imo...

You are a family ! I wouldn't dream of telling my children or stepchildren that they couldn't come into my bedroom. My children when they got to teens and early 20s seemed to find the need to talk to me the minute i got into bed, the boys would lie on the bottom of the bed and yap for ages, my daughter would get into bed to chat to me and fall asleep, in fact even now when i visit her or she visits me she still comes to chat to me in bed.
I would draw the line at any of them using your products, dressing gown and slippers though ( not that my daughter would take any notice)

I really don’t see the problem with her using your en-suite when you’re not there. That wouldn't worry me at all (assuming she doesn’t leave it in a mess). It’s just a room.

She shouldn’t really use your products, though, and certainly shouldn’t wear your dressing-gown.

My dc were allowed in my room or bed but not my en-suite, because if they used my shower they would pour on half a bottle of whatever it was, in one go.

Teenage daughters do this….
and make up
and perfume
tweezers
hair spray
etc etc

this has been going on since the dark ages.

pick your battles.

if this really annoys you that she is using your stuff lock it away.

I’d be fuming too. I don’t live with DP and he has a teenage DD, I kept a small make up bag at his and realised she’s been using it. I binned everything quietly, informed her dad I need new make up and also asked her if she wanted her own make up bag, she said no. DP couldn’t see the problem and was miffed I chucked it. He got it when he had to fork £130. It’s his fault for not parenting his own child. He won’t let her touch any of my stuff, in fact he goes ballistic.
Maybe try that?

Kids need to learn boundaries, it is a lesson in life. You do have a DH problem though as he is clearly enabling her. My own children know my en-suite is a no go area and they also know that in our house if you want to use someone else’s products you ask them first. It’s basic manners and respect.

Why do people say this?
Let alone SDC?
they are a blended family living in same home. All the DC have equal rights I hope

I think you have a DH problem here. He knows you don't like it but let her do it anyway....

I’m honestly surprised at how many people would be bothered by this. My teenage daughter can use my en-suite and any of my toiletries, I just buy more when they are done. I don’t have any step children though if that’s what changes things.

I would make them replace my things.

If I use my personal spends/birthday money etc to buy a specific bath oil or face cream for £50 or £100, I don't want someone else using it! I bought it for me, for a treat, for me.

If it was a bottle of Dove or Pantene that was bought on the joint account at tesco, that would be fine.

If she wanted a bath and that was the only bath in the house, I would be okay with that too.

But for goodness sake, she can use her own slippers and bath robe!