To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

Or maybe she just wants to make herself feel special ? She feels really grown up acting like the lady of the house ??

I say this as someone who dipped into a much older sisters stuff ? It certainly wasnt out of spite

Slathering a 70 quid face cream all over your legs is a massive fuck you.

OP has referred to her step kids as pigs and has nothing positive to say about them. She very obviously doesn't view them as family or even like them. She deserves a massive fuck you.

I think she's just fed up of working her arse off and being treated like shit, understandably.
Anyway the step kids will soon be enjoying life without her, her bank account and their large home.

Sounds like the creams and using the bathroom are not the real issues here. Is there a long time pattern of disrespect from your DH and SC? Because I think context would have been useful if this wasn't a one off. And totally understandable that you're fuming that people are taking the piss out of you.

Even when there were other baths she could use? Nah,this is a deliberate finger to the woman who married HER dad. Simple

OP, I had a friend who went through similar. The dad was too soft on his teenage dd because he felt guilty. He wouldn't allow my friend ( the step mum) to tell off his dd and nor did he. This is when she would try on my friend's clothes and rip them.

As an adult , the relationship grew worse as no boundaries were put in place. I can't even begin to tell you how bad things are now. The daughter trying to get the house my friend lives in as her dad has passed away.
Please be firm and follow through and get your dh on board.

@SurelyNotShirley My goodness, is this what Being Kind is supposed to look like?

I do think there's quite a difference between "dipping into" your older sister's things, and your stepmother's.
She knows she's not allowed in the main bedroom or en suite - I do think it's most likely a FU SM I'll do what I like when you're not there. Including using your very expensive Chanel facecream on my legs.

I would be absolutely fuming.

Honestly I think it's far more likely she just really likes the bathroom and the products she can't afford and feeling luxurious. Doesn't make it ok but I really don't think there's this level of malice and spite behind it.

OP says the father/husband is a piss taker too, so she's probably not being guided very well, and OP chose the guy.

Do you honestly think it's impossible to imagine that some step kids would, indeed, prefer to live with just their parent and siblings, even if that meant a smaller house and a less lavish lifestyle?

Neither I nor my daughter's dad cohabit with another adult, and she'd definitely like to keep it that way, even if the alternative came with a bigger house and more money. Not all kids are driven solely by materialism .....

My mistake .

If so, why has the relationship broken down to this extent

I really could not get upset about this

we use my dads en-suite because it has a great shower his wife probably doesn’t like it but its a family house

ds uses my shampoos and creams I have a moan he uses too much but I don’t care that he uses them

So? It’s not an en suite she’s permitted to use, and OP’s things aren’t hers. She is aware of this. Presumably, she wouldn’t want OP invading her private space and using her things either.

An entirely communal home lacking any concept of private space or property may be your ideal, but personally I find it to be about as appealing as cholera.

A 17 year old that regularly has headlice, athletes foot and ringworm, sounds horribly neglected and if she is not treating the issues herself, vulnerable too.
She's obviously not using much of the product if you haven't noticed until you caught her.
And for her to stormed off back to her mum's, it sounds like you've handled this badly. Just tell her to use her own bathroom and get her a couple of nice products that your daughter can also use, and her own dressing gown and slippers. It sounds like she's enjoying the self care and teenagers are notoriously self centered she just needed the boundaries reaffirming, but if others in the house knew she was doing this and haven't said anything, she's probably taken that as permission, and your own daughter was worried about getting her into trouble and you think she'd cry if she was caught doing the same, shows the kind of parent you are.

Also, I think if a post had been by a mum who's husband is the main earner and because of that insists he has his own bathroom no one else is allowed in but is often away from home. She has a son who lives with his dad that comes back with headlice and skin conditions so will let he take a bath in that bathroom and use a bit of nice product to give him a lift. The husband's daughter, who she takes care of while he's away, worries he'll be in trouble and she'd likely cry if she was caught. And he's come home clearly so upset her son has left, I think the replies would be very different.
And the posters saying shes 'slathering' the product on, 'rifles through' ops wardrobe, are just unnecessarily exaggerating the situation, the op hasn't even said that. And saying the stepdaughter who no one knows anything about is a piss taker and sending a massive 'fuck you' message??! Honestly, this thread has become a bit unhinged. And the poster who said she's doing it because the op married 'HER' dad?? He is her dad, like she's his daughter, who presumably he loves unconditionally and wants to take care of while recognising she's a young woman and thinks it's insane his brat of a wife won't let her use her bathroom because she earns more money. Maybe the ops 'piss taker' of a husband is just allowing his daughter to use the grown up bathroom out of love for his daughter.

Do you use chanel shampoo?

As a sister, I used to sneak into my older sisters room and try on her makeup. I used to go through her undies drawer and look at her undies. I did this because I was fascinated with an older female. She was working and I was still at school. I wasn't doing it to be nasty. I knew she would hit the roof if she found out.

As a teenager, my friend and I used to go to department stores and spray ourselves with perfume from the sample bottles. Including chanel. We knew that chanel was beyond our wildest dreams. It was the height of luxury, to us, to swan around spraying expensive perfume. Teenagers today think they're entitled to expensive perfume, we knew we weren't entitled.

As a mother, my offspring just knew from an early age what they were allowed to do. It's easier to tell a 5 year old to leave your stuff alone than it is to tell a 17 year old. I am at the lynx stage with a 14 year old at the moment. All and sundry are buying lynx, it disappears rapidly. A friend has been through the face mask/ blackhead stage with a 14 year old. I've also been through the body shop and Lush stage. I have allowed offspring to use my perfume, even though they have their own. They ask first. They were taught early on that it is unhygienic to share makeup.

Op needs to direct step daughter to whatever stage 17 year olds are at. I used to wear 17 makeup at that age. I used to buy 17 gift sets as pressie for years. I suppose that is below the dignity of today's 17 year olds. Rituals is nice body stuff.

The idea of someone with ringworm using my face cream of their legs is just grim. Id have to throw it away. Chances are she thought it was body cream. I would hit the roof. Stepdaughter would be left in no doubt whatsoever where the boundaries are.