To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

You shouldn’t have to get a lock but I would.

Oh I used to do this with my mum's smellies when I was a teen. She forgave me when I left home eventually. My dad also couldn't see what the problem was.

Id put it in the category "normal but annoying".

Nope, they stay OUT of my en-suite. I love my SD dearly but she would never take the piss like this..she’s wearing your dressing gown and slippers? No, absolutely not. SD wouldn’t do that and if she tried? DH wouldn’t allow it.

Yuck! It sounds more like marking her territory to me. Your partner landed on his feet, didn’t he? How’s got two kids. You’ve got one. You paid the majority of the deposit… Using the room itself wouldn’t be the end of the world to me, but the stuff would irk me. It’s not hers to use! However, wearing my stuff?! And slippers?! That’s grim as!!! I’d be letting her have them but making her buy me some brand new ones!

What did you say to her? And her to you?

When you say ‘apparently’ this happens all the time when you’re away, who told you? What did you say? What does your partner say? I feel like there’s huge gaps here.

DSC used to do this as teens. They had a bathroom of their own which was bigger, and a constant supply of toiletries of their choice. It was almost more of a territory marking thing - this is our dad’s bathroom and we are equal to you so we’ll use it.

I used to put all my stuff away before they came round. One found a positive pregnancy test when they were snooping in my drawers - served them right.

A lock would have been preferable; get one.

It’s not just the en-suite usage. It’s the fact that your belongings are being used and surely you are allowed privacy? Sure she would not like it if you went into her room and were poncing about in her clothes and make up 🤷🏻‍♀️. My kids know that our bedroom is off limits.

It’s reasonable to be upset about her using your products and belongings. I don’t think it’s reasonable to be upset with her using the room/bath when you’re not there. You only know she’s been doing it because you caught her in the act, so she clearly isn’t causing any mess or damage.

I'd be annoyed too. It's an invasion of privacy and she's trampled over your boundaries.

Nobody, but nobody uses my ensuite except me. It doesn't have a bath though, just a shower, as it's not very big. I wish it did. The bedroom and ensuite are my private space and everyone else in the house respects that, thankfully. There's a full bathroom and another ensuite upstairs so plenty for others to use.

Yeah I'd be inclined to some tit for tat here....handbags, any clothes or shoes that fit (try them on when you are nicely sweaty) handbags....you get my drift.

I wouldn't be mad about using the bath. I would be mad about using my personal gown and slippers though! What else- your hairbrush/toothbrush. @EasterEstherEgg Tell her it's offlimits since she doesn't respect your stuff.

I banned sd and my own DDs from our room and en suite. Both dh and I needed our space.
Yanbu I would be fuming

I couldn't give a shit about this. You must be so uptight.

If it’s the only bath in the house fine of course she can use it but using your things an absolute no, especially dressing gown and slippers wtf

I feel sad for your SD. She thought you were away and was having a bit of relaxing time to herself. I also don’t think you’d be so angry if she was your biological daughter. I do understand that it could be irritating, but in the long term I think you’ll regret not being kinder.

Istm that the real problem is that your DH knows what she’s been doing and enables it. You can almost hear him say “make sure you tidy up so that @EasterEstherEgg doesn’t find out “

Does she have access to a nice bath with products? Does she have a nice cosy dressing gown? Is she lacking in anything she is trying to 'borrow' from you? Can you make her feel at home by getting her these thing?

You know what to get her for Christmas at least!

Does she have her own dressing gown & slippers?

could she not have these so basically borrowing yours?

This. Take a chill pill, it's family and sharing is part and parcel of that surely.

Don’t we teach our children to share?!

I can’t imagine forbidding my children from having a bath in my en suite and using a bit of bubble bath and shampoo and cream if they wanted as a little treat!

Has she been directly told not to use the en-suite? Did you bollock her? I’d be really pissed off. That’s your little piece of privacy and she’s invaded it. Not on. Assuming she has funds-allowance etc, she can get her own products. I have expensive curly hair stuff, I don’t want to run out because someone else is using it.

I wouldn’t mind her using the room but using and especially wearing my stuff isn’t great. Does she have her own dressing gown and decent products? As she thought you were away and was having a pamper your DH has been allowing this I think you need to be kind. Are your products really expensive or something? I have never bought toiletries I wouldn’t want my teen or his gf to use. If. Something was a gift or a bit special and I wanted to keep it for me I would keep it out of the bathroom. Both bathrooms are available to all of us as one has a bath and one has a (really good) shower.

Is there a bath in the kids’ bathroom though?

Christ, no! Grown women are allowed to have their own stuff. We don't have to tolerate our kids or step kids pilfering them whenever we're out of the house.

Get yourself a lock as clearly your DH won't enforce your boundaries and your SD takes the piss.

She can ask for a nice bathrobe and toiletries for her but if she's that desperate for them.