To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

Yeah it's the blended family dynamic. Unlikely that two different sets of people are going to cohabit easily, unless they are exceptionally easy going. The OP is high earning, high achieving and her DH and step family seem just bit more 'relaxed'/messy and less respectful (probably cause dad's are generally more laissez-faire). Just my thoughts

She called them disgusting pigs. I’m not sure about you but in my world. to me that doesn’t sound very much like she likes her. She admits that she’s sick of them and wants away from them . Frustrated that they apparently get nits and ringworm so regularly which is weird at their age and not sure I even believe it. If she cared about them those things wouldn’t matter anyway. If you love a child you put up with all that comes with that child .

She also calls her DD and the SC, step siblings, when they are actually half siblings, which is bizarre to me. Seems like no love here and that’s unhealthy for everyone.

"She also calls her DD and the SC, step siblings". Is the DH the father of DD? I may have missed that. OP said in her first post "I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 " so I assumed the DD12 is hers and the SS15 and 17 are his.

Oh, well done you. How absolutely super you are!

and not sure I even believe it

oooooh this is the current hot comment type isn’t it? I’ve seen it three times this week.

Lots of stuff on here is absolute bollocks, either in content or, more often, in tone.

I don’t think this thread is giving bollocks vibes though.

I also think they’re step siblings. No mention of him being the dad of the 12 year old.

They hardly sound likable. Love and/or positive feelings towards someone, and I wouldn’t expect or assume that OP loved/loves her stepchildren, are not unconditional.

OP is the one providing her stepchild with a lifestyle she wouldn’t otherwise have, yet she chooses to treat her with disdain. OP is absolutely best off away from that people that seem to be little more than financial burdens at this point.

She hasn’t said they’re half siblings?

Teenagers are difficult and not always likeable, and other people’s teenagers are annoying , but she is the adult who chose to blend the family and buy a house with their Dad. I’m agreeing with her that she clearly doesn’t like them- admitted this herself- so best for everyone if this family breaks up.

This teenager won’t look back and think oh this lady had a nice house with fancy creams, she’ll look back when she’s adult and think was she a nice person or not, did she help guide me though my difficult teenager years with blended fanilies on both sides. The OP isn’t cut out for step parenting and that’s absolutely fine! Because that responsibility is thankless and tricky.

I got the half sibling thing wrong, apologies to the OP. That makes it a lot neater because this family needs to break up.

And she’s provided for her over and above what her actual parents have been able to, despite having zero responsibility for her. At the time she married I imagine that circumstances were significantly better and she thought it was worth it. Things change.

What the SD thinks of OP in the future isn’t OP’s problem.

Yes you did and you're doing it again. No-one loves their things more than their children, don't be silly. Some parents are just better at having boundaries and rules in their home. Lots of parents don't allow their children to rule the roost and take whatever things they want, doesn't mean they don't love their kids.

Tbh I disagree. If you are blending a family , take your responsibility in having a hand in that child . Blending a family wasn’t the child’s choice. The adults did it and now the OP doesn’t like the hard work. Sadly you can’t just have the kids for only the good bits and if that is how OP sees it then they should never have moved in together.

It’s the child’s part time home. If OP feels financially burdened, again not the child’s fault it’s the DP she needs to take that up with. Personally I don’t like name calling children, I find it really odd.

Anyway it’s a moot point because she said she’s done with the family, so good they can all move on to happier, healthier relationships.

Good Lord, I couldn't read all this. I was visiting from another country and just assumed there would be a bar of soap for me to use. It's really not that deep. And no, I don't understand why anyone would bring basics like toothpaste to a house with plenty of that stuff. Expensive products, sure. But what that guest brought was really basic.

And meanwhile, back on Planet Normal, my nephew did not begrudge me a squirt of his cheap face wash. Jesus, some of the people on here.

As per usual, you have a dh problem. He doesn’t parent his kids. They have no respect for boundaries.
I’d kick this to the kerb too.

Yeah she’s a CF & so is your husband for allowing it! I’d be telling her she owes you for the facial cream!
the two older girls should be paying rent too!!

Rod the step children live with you full time?
If you’re wanting to end this marriage then tell DH he needs to leave, sell the house, hopefully you’ve got something drawn up that protects your money invested in house and reflects that you pay more into it? Then tell him he needs to move out or into spare room until the house is sold

You sound insufferable

@Pippa12

yeah, OP, couldn’t you quit your job? It may make you a nicer person. Why do you care if you get athletes foot or ringworm from your stepdaughter wearing your slippers….Sharing is caring after all! Can’t you just be kind?

its adorable she wants to use your stuff. Cant you just be happy and grateful for that?
@EasterEstherEgg

OP, did the step children ask to live with you? I imagine they'd be a lot happier just living with their dad, as they way you talk about them makes it clear you can't stand them - comparing humans to "pigs" is horrible I have to say, especially when it's children you are talking about.

They may to some extent enjoy the lifestyle your money provides, but I doubt it compensates for the reality of being despised, being banned from parts of the house etc.

And you say you and your daughter will be much happier alone too - so everyone's a winner! When can you set it in motion?

And please don't be in such a rush to "blend families" next time - it's often absolutely shit for the children involved. Imagine being a child and having to live with an adult who likens you to a pig!

I'm very close to my only daughter so to me that would not be a problem at all, what's mine is hers and she's very respectful. This is purely a question but could it be because they are his children & not yours and you feel a bit violated? I had an ex who's sons would always use my stuff when I wasn't there (we didn't live together but I was there every weekend & left all my toiletries there). One morning I got up to find one of my flip flops broken where he had squeezed his fat foot into it, I was livid! I now have visions of one of his sons using my shower puff all over his bits. Ewwww

I think I’d seriously consider your relationship with your partner. Sounds like he doesn’t give a toss about the house and disrespects your rules. Obviously has no discipline with his kids.

I think some people are missing the point; it’s disrespectful .
Op is the breadwinner, working away from her own kid and the few treats she has are being used with out permission.

My daughter is seven and I let her use some of my products- if she asks. She gets anything I don’t want anymore (like perfume). But she would never, ever take without permission. A teen 100% would understand needing permission.

Op: I know some see it silly as this being the last straw, but I’m going to bet this is just the final issue among a lot of other stuff.

With you on that one .
Calm down ffs !

She doesn’t. She sounds like a normal loving mum.

Good Lord I totally agree @AliceMcKthat sounds bloody exhausting!

No. We tell them they can have the really special things when they are old enough to appreciate/afford them.

This is not the same as you eating caviar while they have gruel. Fancy creams are luxuries not necessities

They can have age-appropriate nice things now.

And that they don't take other peoples' stuff without permission