To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

“Kids love playing with their parents stuff”

17 is hardly a 6 year old smearing mums lipstick on her face or tottering around in her shoes is it?

I became a semi independent adult at 16 with a full time job and then I moved out to become a fully self supporting adult at 17. I absolutely knew the cost of things and I’d never have helped myself to my mums ‘good’ stuff because it was hers and she bought it for herself, not for me and she had boundaries and I respected them.

Its fucking nuts to think a schelping around naked in your mums dressing gown after using expensive FACE cream all over your body is somehow excusable and normal.

be kind my arse

(I lived in a blended family situation from age 9 in both my ‘homes’ so I know being a step child doesn’t give you a free pass to be grabby and invasive or violating of people’s personal space)

I’m sorry but it’s not normal for a 17yo to ignore the rules that they have been repeatedly told about.
And it’s not normal either that her dh has let his dd use that bathroom plus beauty products regularly despite MANY talks about it.

Neither of them are showing any respect to the OP and her stuff.
Worse imo for the dh as his role was to enforce the boundary when the OP isn’t there.

You can have two different ways of doing things.
Two different ways of doing things in the same house is a recipe first not just clash but resentment.
Two dufferent was that means one person wishes or what’s are being ignore and dismissed, as it is the case here, will lead to a divorce.
Saying ‘oh it’s normal to clash’ wo finding some compromises that everyone is happy about is never the solution

Yeah id be really angry and feel let down by hubby too.
We all need our own space to relax in nice things just for us.
They have age appropriate creams,shampoos etc their own bathroom / shower to use.
I'd rethink the rules if I was you and if hubby doesn't like it or lives like a pig let them live on their own .

Invoice her for the products she has used plus the cost of a padlock.

I didn’t say I was right . I said I disagree.

You might say in black and white world that she ‘shouldn’t have to’ do things for her SC, but if they went to court they deem those children as children of the marriage - if they are married . Meaning the SM does have some responsibility for those SC. Do not enter into a relationship with a man with children, blend their families into the same home, and then disregard them and call them names when they are trouble.

Of course she doesn’t HAVE to take any responsibility for her SC and I’ve agreed all along they are best off away from each other, but for different reasons. I would hate to have a SM like her. Swearing about them and calling them names, that is just bizarre to me.

Agree that the DP sounds useless .

Wow it's crazy how many mums/stepmums don't like sharing their things with their kids. My mum and grandma always let me use their expensive shampoos, conditioners and creams.....and they were designer products. I would never in a million years see that as a problem! Young women are still learning and experimenting with products. The only actual problem is the dressing gown which is easily fixed - buy her one.

It's not an issue of allowing sharing; the issue is that the SD is taking it without asking, and is using it for purposes it was not made for and therefore wasting it. @Pancakesandcream33, would your mum and grandma have happily allowed you to use their expensive shampoo for something totally wasteful? I doubt it, somehow.

Just moved, so currently have to let adult sons use shower in my en-suite FOR A YEAR, till houseing assoc can put a shower over the bath(in main bathroom) however being young men they DO use their own shower gel, so only thing to remind them is to take their dirty clothes with them...but a year? Nah ill get OT onto it,as they both have issues with the bath.

As for OP, yes i'd be peed off too, their dad clearly has disregarded her wishes, by teling his girl its ok so long as she doesnt get caught! Yes i would lock up the ensuite if theres another shower in the house to use.maybe then theyll get the message.& for SD's birthday, buy her a towelling robe & slippers of her own,and a semì expensive gift pack of bath stuff& creams of her own.

None of this would have bothered me at all, except perhaps excessive use of expensive toiletries, although they tended to prefer their own anyway. They’ve all left home now, if they’re back for a few nights they often borrow my dressing gown for example .
I miss them, those years go by so quickly. I can buy all the expensive products I want now …

Don't you think though its a matter of why the SD did this? I mean using expensive face cream as leg cream? using the bathroom and keeping it a secret? Using the OP's slipper and robe? The Op's own daughter knew it happened and didn't want to get her SS into trouble...it sounds as though the partner knew it was happening, knew that his partner had forbidden it and still let it happen. This isn't casual family sharing, its toxic.

Interesting, you have a daughter he only has step kids.

Isn't that a matter of plain fact though? he brought two children into the relationship, therefore they are the OP's step kids; she bore the daughter herself, therefore the daughter is her daughter?

Me too!!!

No, the stepchild would not automatically be considered a ‘child of the family’ that Op has any responsibility towards. Marriage did not make OP responsible for her stepchildren, financially or otherwise. ‘Stepparent’ is a title, not a legal relationship. They are in fact legal strangers.

Op treated her stepchild with generosity not because she had to, but because she wanted to. Despite this, her stepchild behaves like a disrespectful pig. Op is well within her rights to wash her hands of her.

I’d love to see an update. I don’t blame you for being angry with SD and her father for that matter. Why would you want to live under those conditions, coming home from work only to be stressed out at home? SD has been telling her school friends what she’s been up to; that’s what kids do. She will most likely intrude on your privacy the rest of your marriage so you do have to take whatever action you feel is necessary to protect your DD and protect your peace.

What I find weird is people reading that other people do things differently from them and thinking that the other people are weird for doing things differently from them.

EXACTLY!!! I don't do creams or bath time routines or anything. BUT I do recognise when a 17 year old is being allowed to trash rules/boundaries.

The step child is a child of the marriage. Look up the meaning.

Anyway really can’t be bothered to argue on the internet with a stranger about another strangers life . We completely disagree about morals here so let’s just agree to disagree.

Luckily for everyone this family are breaking up.

My daughters could use my ensuite they could also wear my dressing gown and slippers and use any of my products wouldn’t care at all. I don’t have any stepchildren so I can’t really say but I think if I did, I’d be okay with them using it as well, if I loved them, I wouldn’t mind

She is old enough to know this is your bathroom. And your face creams etc are yours and not hers. She is twelve. But a difficult age where she may welcome and actually need a mother’s guidance and direction.
Of course she has her own mother. Who we do not know how adequately she is in providing such guidance and direction.
Annoying as it is I would try not to be angry at her. But perhaps she wants to have some fancy creams etc of her own. Not at your price bracket, but something to start off with.

This seems to be an overreaction. I have a household of seven (two daughters and three stepdaughters) and one bathroom. How I’d love to have such worries in life. It also seems to be an awful way to discuss your step child and completely disproportionate. Sure to be irritated is one thing but I don’t think it warrants this level of carry on.

Have a quiet word with your partner and explain that you require A Lock on your ROOM. It's OK to do this and anyway I recommend this as a PANIC ROOM , a must, in all houses. A local CARPENTER would be happy to do this job on a weekend. There's no need to make it a marriage breaker. I had various rooms OFF- LIMITS when mine were TEENS, which had locks. THEY had their own BEDROOMS and SITTING ROOM, I had MINE- With said LOCKS....It helped me retain my sanity and they were also using my clothes before this.

I completely agree with this. It just sounds like she really dislikes her SC and that’s so sad. I cannot imagine ever speaking about a child that way, SC or not .

😂