To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

They don't tho do they. They mollycoddle their DDs (protective daddy) and resent the new wife for upsetting their child.

Talk about directing your anger at the important stuff.

@EasterEstherEgg

of course! That’s EXACTLY what some people on here think you should do! Work away and stress at your job to find your child having Chanel skincare…while you make do with Aldi’s own brand…because that is just what good mothers do 🤷‍♀️

I can appreciate her using your expensive products is infuriating but my lovely, respectful, well behaved daughter has done the same . They all do it and that doesn’t make her a ‘pig’. You clearly have a lot of bad feeling towards your step daughter that is more than just this one incident.
If you are separating as you say, it’s probably best for all.

a doormat?

I have expensive clothes, make up and skincare. My DD is 21 and has gone to Wimbledon today borrowing my brand new Loewe trainers, Chanel handbag and very expensive sunglasses. Admittedly she is always respectful and careful would always ask and never just take things. I do understand you being hacked off at your SD taking without asking but your posts come over as quite transactional. I would unreservedly give my DD anything of mine without batting an eyelid and hope that if I had a SD I would treat her similarly. I just care about her so much more than anything material I own.

A few people have talked about how their Moms would share everything with them (the ensuite, bathrobe, face cream) and how they were very close. OP, how old were your stepchildren when you got married? Is your DH the father of your DD? I ask because you will never have the same relationship with a stepchild as your own child, especially if they moved in with you when they were older—and even more so when there is joint custody. If your husband had full custody and you had helped raise them since they were toddlers, you would have a much stronger bond.

She's going to use your stuff and fuck your rules.

It's very disrespectful. She's been going behind your back, accessing your private bath and using your things and wearing your stuff.

Inventory your jewelry and other stuff. Your husband likely knows she's been doing this.

I don't think your rule of keeping your br private is excessive at all. I wouldn't have dreamt of using my dad's wife bathroom.

This seems to have uncovered a lot of cracks and resentment in your marriage.

I don’t think I implied I was a better parent. I simply explained how I feel about sharing things with my children. I never said I didn’t think I was entitled to my own things. I just don’t care as much about my things as I do about my DC. That’s all.

Absolutely this. Although I appreciate the OPs dynamic with her DH and her SD is different.

Putting so much emphasis on who is the highest earner is a bit of a crap message to the family

Haha, I do hide it from him and it’s a bit of a running joke between us. Once when he was in primary school he was learning the trumpet so I hid some in his trumpet case as I knew he wasn’t practicing. Sure enough he was outraged he hadn’t discovered my latest hiding place.

Fair. What do you want to do?

I cannot read these posts any further. It is fucking outrageous and a total piss take. Yes, you could put a lock on your bedroom door. On the other hand, you could put a grenade up your step daughter's arse. Do not put up with this shit from any of them. Total disrespect.

Thank you for listening.

Wow I’d be intrigued by your products - your en-suite sounds like a luxury spa - it’s obviously so full of fabulous stuff how could she not be tempted. Choose your battles op - this one isn’t worth fighting inmho

Those of us who don’t think this was acceptable don’t care more about our things than our DC either! You have made a big assumption there. Speaking personally, I care deeply about my children and love them with a passion but I didn’t always allow them to use all my stuff. I liked my Jo Malone perfume, which was a gift from DH. I didn’t routinely let DD use it. She was fine with that because she knew it was mine and was a present from her dad. I love DD infinitely more than I love my perfume though…..the two are not mutually exclusive.

Often showing love involves giving something or sharing something of your own but sometimes loving someone means saying no to them or not giving them everything their heart desires. Putting in boundaries and denying things can also be an act of love if it’s to teach a long term lesson or if it’s for their good. Teaching children that it’s nice to share is a good lesson but teaching them that they can’t always have something that belongs to someone else is also an important lesson. As is the lesson that if they have something of value to them they don’t always have to share it with someone else. They are allowed to keep it safe and use it when they want to. Why should it be any different for OP? She has bought herself some treats with her hard earned money and someone else has taken them without asking and in secret and then used them wastefully. Of course she is upset.

She can’t of been using that much of your stuff if you’ve only just realised and she’s been in multiple times.

It’s fairly normal mischievous teenage behaviour.

Her ring worm is likely linked to her athletes foot.

You don’t sound like you like them very much.

Sounds like you need to work less- it’s causing you to see red mist.

I’m not surprised you’re furious. You put boundaries in place and she’s ignored them.

I have 2 dd and I let them borrow my products (not as fancy as yours) - but there are rules about what, and putting them back etc. your stuff, you get to create the rules. Your dh needs to back you up on this.

OP I can't believe some of the nonsense replies.

Of course yanbu.

Plus it sounds like the final straw. Time to just focus on you and your dd instead of being taken for a mug.

There is a way to avoid that ...

Anyone else getting Goldilocks vibes?

Sounds like it’s time to get rid of the extra weight and use your hard-earned income on spending time with your daughter. There was another thread recently where a woman was with a cocklodging man, using her money to pay for a big house for his three children and her one child. She realised she was being taken advantage of and booted him out.

If you do the same, feel free to start a thread in Relationships for support and advice. There are lots of lovely posters there to cheer you on. 💐

Oooo do tell. Apart from 'leave' the relationship (don't want to do this) and argue it out (normal discussions aren't really available), im not sure if there's anything else?

We have a catflap with a sensor, so it'll only open for them if it recognizes the chip in their collar. Perhaps that could be adapted for the internal doors of the house?

I would just get the lock, don't explain, just do it. Is she trying to push boundaries to see 'how far she can go'? Do you get on with her OK otherwise?
Sharing is one thing, but she did this while thinking you were not due back yet, so you wouldn't find out.
I wouldn't be bothered about using the bath so much as her planning & using your personal products & your dressing gown/slippers. & have a word with DH - can't he buy her her own stuff & explain how inappropriate and what an invasion of privacy this is?