AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

Tell that to the little boy who was attacked when I was working for the police. I'm sure it will be a comfort.

The answer is not that they come into the womens

Nope he should be using the mens.
Age 8 is the generally accepted upper limit for using the toilets for the opposite sex.

If he has developmental needs for which he needs assistance then his mother should take him to an accessible toilet instead.

I think it depends on the situation primary age is fine if you are somewhere really busy. As a mum of a boy it’s hard when they go off on their own and you don’t know who else is in there. It’s a shame there isn’t family toilet options for this reason.

Absolutely fine for children to use a busy public bathroom with their parent at that age. Only a total weirdo would insist otherwise.

It’s completely not acceptable for him to be in the women’s!!
If he can’t use the men’s for some reason, he needs to have his mum take him into the disabled. Gosh some little girls get their periods at 9, imagine finding a boy from her class in the girls toilets. How awful.
Takes a certain type of parent to take their older boy into the women’s. I’ve personally only encountered it once but I did say he was too old and needs to leave or I’ll get a member of staff… needs challenging each and every time.

I go to a pool with unisex changing room. People all use cubicles so no one is watching you change. I go in the week, frequently in there with school groups who seem perfectly happy.

Nine is a borderline age IMO, but it is probably a bit too old to be going in the ladies as long has he has no additional needs. I have two DSs and by nine they were going into the men's while I waited outside. They were instructed to yell if they felt worried, scared or threatened by anyone's behaviour and I'd have gone in there, no question about it.

I think a nine year old boy should be using the men's toilet.

FWIW I'm a mother of boys. They refused to use the women's from quite a young age so I used to send them in to the men's and hover close outside the door.

Read a story not that long ago about a 15 year old boy being raped by a man in a station toilet. So yes, a 9 year old boy should go with mum to the ladies toilet.

Wow suprised at the yabu. I have an almost 9 yo boy no chance would I let him go the men’s alone in a busy centre. Maybe a single toilet where I stood outside. Have heard horror stories and just wouldn’t. Women’s toilets are all enclosed what could a boy see? I would tell that old lady straight.

I think it depends on the situation primary age is fine if you are somewhere really busy.

Do you think Year 6 girls want to see boys from their class in the women's toilets?

I would have done exactly as your friend did. Why anyone should think it wrong for a 9 year old to be in a woman’s toilet with his mum escapes me.
Every cubicle has a door that closes and I’ve never seen anyone go in or come out other than fully dressed so there is nothing sensitive for him to see.
I am not a mollycoddler of my children by any means but I wouldn’t let my little boy into a man’s toilet on his own unless he was happy to do so and I knew that the toilets had doors locks that he would be able to operate. Neither would I be happy leaving him to wait outside the women’s toilets while I went in - the queues are often endless.

I think it's more dangerous when it's quiet.

The way I see it, it really depends on the individual child. At nine years old, I think it’s perfectly fine for a boy to use the ladies’ room as long as a parent is with him.

Puberty isn’t the deciding factor here — children develop physically, emotionally, and mentally at very different rates, and those differences don’t automatically dictate what they’re ready for.

I am usually very firmly on the side of 7 and older, go in your own sex' side. In loos though, I am a bit less bothered, because, as you say, they go in a cubicle and as long as supervised and not misbehaving, I would be far less bothered. In changing rooms though, absolutely not, as there is a high chance of women/girls being seen as they change...not fair.

Well don't look.

Who cares if they do? As long as they shut the door they'll be fine. I'd rather a year 6 girl was embarrassed, than a 9 year boy sexually assaulted.

Absolutely NOT unreasonable at all, my eldest son is 9 and no way would I let him go Into the majority of gents toilets alone, way too many predatory men exist! If I’m out alone with him I take him In with me. I don’t care if that upsets any old ladies, tough, my child’s safety is more important to me than their pearl clutching!

Hahaha .. what rule is this? Who made it? LoL
It may be your rule for your children, but that doesn’t mean it’s a rule the rest of the world lives by 😆😵‍💫

The old lady should have minded her own business though. I really dislike when people insert themselves into this kind of situation, because you don't know if there is a good reason why a DM would take her DS into the ladies at a slightly older age. And the cubicles are all enclosed, so it's not a privacy issue.

The way I see it is that is isn’t about the different developmental stage of the boy. Ever. It’s about the comfort and safely of women and girls in the women’s toilets.

There aren’t ANY 9 year olds in Year 6 so you are talking bollocks

Any male of any age could be raped by a man in a station toilet. That doesn’t mean any male of any age should use the women’s bathroom.

‘primary age’