AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

At 9, I’d probably be sending him to the men’s. But it’s still just about okay.

I agree with you: your friend sounds sensibly cautious.

No. He should go in to the men’s. Over 8 is the normal rule.

There has been lots of these types of threads lately.

No he is old enough to use the men’s.

I think at 9 he should be going to the men’s toilet. She could stand right by the door and shout in to him if she’s worried but 9 is old enough to go on his own now.
It might depend on the child to some extent but in general 9 is old enough.

You’ll get loads of responses disagreeing with your friend but I’d do the same.

I agree with your friend. A 9 year old with his mum and little sister is not a danger to any woman in the toilets.

I don’t think the old lady should have said anything when he’s clearly a child though.

Mine has been going to the men’s on his own since he was about 7. If it’s a busy or unsavoury looking establishment I tend to hover around right outside the door waiting but he’s always been fine.

It always used to be accepted that it was up to age 7, then from 8 they were old enough to take themselves to the correct toilet. There were signs to this effect in all public swimming pool changing areas.

But everyone is much more anxious and convinced that life is much more dangerous these days, despite the stats actually showing the opposite.

General rule at most places is 8 and up use their own toilet.

9 is OK. There is no age rule so if he's unsafe or anxious about using the mens then he can come in with you.
A little older and I would start using the disabled if he continues to have issues.

If he is supervised, he is fine with his mum.
But hes getting to the age he will be going places unsupervised, so he should be moving to being in the mens when its safe to do so.

Where age is stated it is generally 8.
So really a 9yo should be using the men's.

And who has set that rule?

At 9 is the age to start going in the mens really

My 6yo chooses which to use, except at busy service stations when he comes in with me. If he goes in the mens I have no issue pushing the door open a crack and calling in to check on him

No way. Some 9/10 year old girls have periods and do not want boys in the loos that they are using. 9 is too old. Over 7 and they should go into the toilet of their own gender.

To be clear he only uses the women’s when he’s out with just mum, he uses his own cubicle whilst my friend takes DD with her into hers. He is very quiet and well behaved and doesn’t go peeking into stalls like some other children do.

I understand her caution with letting him go alone into the men’s where there’s men exposing themselves at urinals 🤷

I haven’t asked her but I suspect he will begin to use the men’s alone when he turns 10 (he turned 9 in May).

I would take my son with me if I was worried. Nine is still a child, he's not old enough to look after himself if something happens in the men's. I imagine most places would be fine, but not somewhere like a busy station .

Mine is 7 so comes with me unless it's somewhere very safe. But when he's a bit older, what I don't understand is how I go myself while also listening outside the men's. I wouldn't trust my son not to wander off if I left him outside the ladies' at the moment, though perhaps that comes as he gets a bit older.

My 8 nearly 9 DS would go into the men's of somewhere he was familiar with but not somewhere he wasn't and that was busy.
Recent example is when we went to watch the rugby. Very busy place, using the toilets in half term. DS came into the ladies with me. If he had gone during the match and it wasn't busy, he would have gone in the mens on his own.

Absolutely fine to go in a ladies toilet with family.

A 9 year old is not a ‘young man’, he’s a child.

He should be going in to the men’s now with his Mum stood outside the door.
My DD is 9 and she confidently goes into the toilets by herself if I can’t go in with her, I just stand by the door.
My poor DD is stared at by similar aged boys in the swimming changing rooms because the boys’ mothers have younger daughters and don’t want their boys to wait outside. So they just watch my DD undress instead 👌🏻
If anybody has a child in Year 4 or above, you’ll know they’re very aware of differing body parts/having a crush on someone etc. starts now so it’s also time to start separating them into their correct toilets/changing rooms IMO.

Age 8 is the general cutoff. He should be using the mens

Over the years I have found that some 'old ladies' 🙄 struggle to assess the age of children. She likely thought he was older than 9.

Although I wouldn't be bothered personally, I do think that 9 is old enough to be in the gents.