AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

I agree with this.

So a 15yo boy should also use the ladies' toilet, then?

If a mum is taking an older boy out she should stand outside the men’s and ask them if they’re okay… and teach them to shout if needed.
Or take them into the disabled if there’s some cognitive reason that can’t work or a non visible disability like anxiety.
The answer is not older boys enter the womens space, them being there is degrading to girls 8 ish +. Even worse if she knows him. Not OK.

I’m so sad to see how many on here don’t care about the welfare of boys and would prefer to avoid embarrassment in a girl over the assault of a boy 🙁 boys are just as worthy of care as girls

I think any age before puberty is fine. One of our friends children had a man exposed himself through a hole in the local toilet cubicle wall a few years back. I think that has made me more cautious.

I feel like I'm on another planet with these answers.
I don't see the issue him using the ladies with his mum? My daughter is 8 and we use the same cubicle most of the times still?
If it's a place with a toilet that has 1/2 cubicles fine but some places have larger loos and it's not worth the risk. Having been locked in a public loo before I also think about that sometimes 🤣
I wouldn't even look twice at a boy in the toilets 🤷‍♂️

Please don’t do this, it’s not what they’re for , and it’s so unfair on disabled people who actually need them.
Speaking on behalf of my disabled daughter.

He’s not old enough to use the men’s. He’s a boy who hasn’t been through puberty. He wouldn’t be able to defend himself against even the weakest man.

Borderline at 9. Depends on place and child.

Hmm my son is 9, if it was only him going to the loo I would send him in the mens but if I needed to go too I would take him in the ladies with me.

Depends. Some 9 year olds are 'man-sized' which could be disconcerting for a small elderly lady. You should use your discretion.

No. It's not okay. He goes to the mens.

If there is a problem with men in men's toilets, then decent men needs to be working hard at solving that.

Of course we care about the welfare of boys but this should not come at the expense of girls/women. Precautions can be taken like waiting outside the gents. If you think 9 is too young then what age is OK? Don’t forget that many girls this age will be going through puberty.
For many reasons I think we are moving towards unisex floor to ceiling toilets with their own washbasins so maybe your friend will be happy then.

Sorry but if I were unsure of the mens toilets I would also get my son to use the disabled. I'd much rather a child was safe even if that meant people have to wait.

Honestly, you'd think people would have more things to worry about than a 9 year old in the ladies with his mum. The old woman must have been SO scared. 😱

Girls of this age can be going through puberty.

My 9 year old daughter would be uncomfortable about a boy her age being in a women’s only space. Those saying you take your 9 year old sons with you, just spare a thought for the children whose space that actually is for.

A lot of disabled people cannot wait.

Men aren't 'exposing themselves' at urinals - they are peeing.

That is a ridiculous way to speak of it.

He's 9, he knows what a penis is.

YABU and so is your friend. At 9 years old he should have already been using the mens toilets. He can wait outside the ladies for his mum if he wants, and he can go into the mens and mum can wait outside the mens for him. He is too old to enter the ladies unless he has some physical or cognitive impairment that means needs help toileting. The general consensus is 8 years old onwards (even mentioned in court judgements from memory) is when boys should stop entering the womens toilets with mum and instead go to the males.

The boy's safety (and mum can wait outside the male facility and he can call to her if he needs help) is not more important than women and girls safety or our privacy and dignity. He does not get to over-ride the female sex's rights. His mum is being neglectful imo by not prepping him and transitioning him to the males already.

I put two 9 year old giggling boys out of the swimming pool changing rooms because our group of 7-10 year old girls were upset.

mums answer ‘they’d misbehave in the boys changing rooms by themselves’

I was livid - so they can giggle at girls and make them uncomfortable instead.

managers answer ‘well then they’ll need to stay at home until they can behave!!!!’ BRILLIANT

Hmm, depends on context. I think the normal cutoff is 8.
However motorway services or other more dodgy high-traffic places I would probably still take a 9 yo in with me.
If it was M&S or a restaurant I’d send him into the gents alone.

At 9 he is likely to go to local shops alone, or walk home from school or some level of independent functioning.

All of these things carry a low level of risk.

If she's worried she needs to give him a rape alarm or whistle to take into the toilets and show him how to use it.

When my son started using the gents out in public if dh wasn’t with us I’d just pop a foot through the door and talk to him basically.

Making sure he knew I was there, any men knew I was there and if I didn’t get a response I would have been going in.

It’s always women and girls spaces being given up and intruded upon. Because women are taught to be kind be quiet give up space.

Ironic when even boy mums are scared of the male toilets. The very future adults we are raising though clearly I fall into that with my door stepping the male toilets as well.

Well what do they do if another disabled person is in there? I've used them before when I've had the pram with me and there's no parent and baby toilet. And with my child whilst potty training and he would only use the travel potty.