AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

I don't think it's stupid to want women and girls to have access to single sex spaces.

I guess by this reasoning all toilets should be for anyone? And any man should be able to access women's toilets?

And if not, how is that different from you saying it's "stupid" that my dds want single sex toilets and privacy from boys their age to use the toilet?

I absolutely agree he should stay with the parent and not go into a men’s toilet alone he’s too small to defend himself or understand predatory behaviour/danger.
Just to add to this there’s no detergent for these monsters that lurk in toilets to prey on kids they might get a 12 month suspended sentence for rape of a child that’s if there even caught,arrest and charged.
Granny can mind her own my sons 10 if his dads not around he’s staying with me (he uses nearest loo to the door washes his hands and we get out asap) I would ignore her completely safety of the child is more important then her opinions.

My point is that if you extend your argument to younger children, it is insane.

Personally, I don't mind mixed sex toilets but that isnt the point of this thread.

I think younger dc are fine! I just think there has to be a cut off, and that is definitely before dc are at an age they are starting puberty and are aware of wanting privacy for their bodies.

I think my dds started being clear they didn't want to go with their df into the men's from around 6? Age 8 seems a reasonable cut off to me.

And of course parents can go out with their dc, they just need to make a plan for using the toilet that doesn't involve accessing single sex spaces inappropriately.

Cross post

I literally answered that in the post above yours.

Edit: np, have seen you edited your post!

I am a primary school teacher y5 and 6.
Youngest child is 18.
I said walkie talkie becauzr that is how we communicate on school premises where mobile phones are inappropriate (as they may be in this situation)

A primary school teacher name calling a 9 year old boy. You should be proud of yourself, love. And we wonder where kids pick up nastiness from...

That says it all. A primary school teacher. And you are reinforcing this idea that boys are ‘a big Jessie’ and ‘will never live it down’ amongst their peers? Fabulous example you’re setting.

As long as there isn't someone dodgy in there! Men after all!!!!

I have some questions for you @Bushmillsbabe
Can you explain why women have a right to single sex spaces? Is it by any chance to do with safeguarding against men? If so, why are you so willing to send prepubertal vulnerable boys into the men's toilets? And what is it about 9 year old boys - sorry children - that you find so threatening?

Re your questions...
Why not let common sense and parental discretion guide mothers on how to safeguard their sons rather than asking such reductive questions as per your previous post?

Which plan is that then? Because for many their plans is to safeguard their young boys and keep them with them. The o my other suggestions I've seen on this thread are to send the child in alone into the mems, or send them alone into the men's with mum poking her head in / calling out into the men's which also seems inappropriate behaviour.

It’s actually safer for children to play out on their own now. Do a quick AI google.

Teach your sons about men’s toilets. I said something about - you know how some boys play with their willies some men do too, if someone is doing that give me a shout. Their dad taught them male toilet etiquette (!) which urinal to use when someone is already at one. If you go in and something looks odd walk out.
Teach them skills to be aware, to look after themselves. Help them to grow up to be confident, situationally aware men.

Of course she can take him in! The child is at far more risk on his own in an adult men’s toilet than he is a risk to adult women. Wtf, what is wrong with people.

Do you make a habit of calling your kids names? Or only online where you feel brave?

Exactly!

This at age 9 he shouldnt be in the ladies loos most places say from age 8 they should be in the right ones.

Its not that hes a risk to adult women its how uncomfortable he may make girls feel by being in the girls toilets when he doesn't need to be..he isn't at risk in the male toilets if his mum is stood by the door to hear him if he calls for help.
Boys comfort does not come above girls comfort

It’s awful isn’t it.

she shouldn’t be teaching if that’s what she thinks of children. Worries me that people like her are around our children.

Boys and girls deserve equal comfort.

these are kids. Not adults.

As previously mentioned in at least a dozen posts - to look up in advance to find a toilet that will meet your needs, such as a unisex toilet, a family toilet or a toilet with a solo cubicle, such as is available in nearly every cafe.

This is exactly what I have to do when out with a disabled family member for whom shared toilets aren't appropriate. It's what you have to do if you aren't happy or able to use the public toilets.

Bringing older boys into girl's private spaces isn't the solution.

You’re teaching the boy no skills in terms of situational awareness. You are teaching girls it doesn’t matter if they feel uncomfortable. Most 9 year old boys would feel uncomfortable, they should feel uncomfortable. At 9 they should have enough self awareness to realise they shouldn’t be in the ladies, they go to school they know about girls and boys toilets. At 9 they know if they do it at school it’s against the rules.
If we want young men to understand boundaries we have to teach them that boundaries matter.

Just to put the risk levels into perspective, around 3350 children under the age of 7 are killed or injured in road traffic collisions every year vs 3 boys assaulted in a male toilet.

But many of those solutions don’t exist and it’s normal and sensible to do what many of us do and take our kids with us. I’ve never seen a sign and nobody has ever stopped me or looked terrified of my little boy.

i will safeguard my kids in any way I can. Girls and boys.

They do exist, though. It's exactly what I have to look for for my dm when we're out. They are in every costa, every starbucks, every fast food place, most private cafes, just to name a few options.