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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

627 replies

Bigjob1234 · 02/07/2026 05:56

Context - I am the main earner whilst DH works in a low paying field he adores. I have been offered a huge new job, pinnacle of career stuff with a £200k+ salary (outside of London). It will involve stress and it will involve travel. We have 2 DC - 7 and 4 - so both will be in school in September.

DH says no - my current role pays enough for our lifestyle and is flexible enough to work life around. He has not once asked me if I want this job or congratulated me on the achievement, just states that it is inconvenient and therefore I shouldn't do it. I'm fuming - his job is full time in the office and low paid but he does it because he loves it, despite it being inconvenient. My job has to both pay all the bills but also ensure that I am around for childcare/be completely flexible. If I want to progress in my career, I will have to suck up some more stress and inconvenience as I will be at the top of leadership. Even if I did this role for 2 years, it could be a great move to position me for other things and potentially more flexibility in future. AIBU to be fuming with him?!

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 02/07/2026 05:59

YANBU. On that wage you could get a nanny.

AmazingGreatAunt · 02/07/2026 06:00

Congratulations and go for it!

ExitPursuedByABare · 02/07/2026 06:00

Wow congratulations. Go for it.

PrincessFairyWren · 02/07/2026 06:01

I agree with you OP.

I wonder if he sees himself as the main character. So she you told him about the role he naturally assumed that you were asking his opinion rather than seeing you as a person with ambitions and goals etc. Does he show interest in your life more generally such as what you want for the future, such as what sort of lifestyle you want, where you want to live in ten years time etc?

Marwoodsbigbreak · 02/07/2026 06:01

Just go for it.

thisandthats · 02/07/2026 06:02

Yeah you need to have a big old chat with him. Your kids are still young so I’m guessing you are too - life is long and they won’t be little for much longer and getting to this stage in your career means further doors will open for years. Childcare now you can solve for. Passing an opportunity forever you can’t. He needs to get onboard.

Btw when I did similar my husband also changed jobs and took paycut to be more flexible

ItsNotMeEither · 02/07/2026 06:03

Have you told him this? That he forgot to congratulate you and has only looked at how this will affect him?

Id jump at it! I’d also plan to spend some of that cash on a cleaner, some childcare, whatever takes away some of the stress and makes things run more smoothly.

Sit him down, start with reminding him he forgot to congratulate you. Lay out a plan of how you plan to handle things and take some of the home pressure off.

Remind him if you must that your job allows him to do his enjoyable job.

You can always step back later if that works better for you family and this will already be on your CV.

Most importantly, congratulations!

Winefride · 02/07/2026 06:07

If he has his views, then that's fine, but to state these and not even congratulate you? Is he jealous? Insecure? Shocked? Distracted? Can't say but it seems like it's something you want to do so do his feelings or reactions (or lack thereof) even matter? Congratulations, btw. I'm sure your success came with a lot of sacrifice, hard work and determination!

Ocelotfeet27 · 02/07/2026 06:07

Take the job, get a nanny, tell him he needs to stop being selfish.

Flecksofgolden · 02/07/2026 06:08

He's not even congratulated you? Not that you need his validation but still.
The whole situation is about him. So selfish of him esp when you're willing to take on that extra stress. Well done by the way.
If it was the other way round, he wouldn't hesitate to take the job, like most men saying they're the bread winner etc etc. Just do it. If it doesn't work for you then change again. He needs to see the bigger picture of the future opportunities regarding flexibility later on or change his job.

snowymarbles · 02/07/2026 06:09

Not at these salary levels but when I was made redundant and got offered another job with a significant commute my ex went part time working Wed - Sat to make childcare easier.

I think the big thing is here he only gets to do the job he wants to do because you pick up the bills - why don’t not get a chance to do what you want to do……

Squidward2026 · 02/07/2026 06:10

He sounds resentful. Who doesnt congrarulate their partner in moments like this?! And why the heck are you still having to be the flexible one for childcare if youre the primary earner?

And why are you already planning to take on that flexibility with this new role? He should do that.

Your DH is really out of order.

sillyrubberduck · 02/07/2026 06:10

Congratulations op. Go for the job ! Do not miss this great opportunity.

Barney16 · 02/07/2026 06:14

Congratulations, go for it. You can use any extra salary to mitigate any difficulties. He sounds selfish, and absolutely he should have been thrilled for you.

Thawtfulpanda · 02/07/2026 06:14

His male ego has taken a hit. My dh has done this in the past. His initial reaction when I've got very good jobs is to say I should turn them down. I have called him out on this and after a week or so he realises he has been a dick. It's like he fundamentally feels ashamed that I would earn more and need time to process that.

shuffleofftobuffalo · 02/07/2026 06:16

congratulations, that’s amazing !!! 🤩

that salary opens up lol the options you’ll need for childcare etc, just go for it. I immediately wondered if your husband might not want such a high earning wife because of that stupid thing men do when they say women are making them feel bad by out earning them. But he’s quite happy for you to out earn him by not too much, pay all the bills and do all the household shit 🤷🏽‍♀️

SereneFinch · 02/07/2026 06:18

Have you discussed it with him? That he’s happy to take up all the slack with childcare and running the house while you’re travelling? Or have you just assumed he’ll get on with the donkey work, while working himself, while you do your dream job?

TY78910 · 02/07/2026 06:18

I agree that he is probably really resentful. Someone in the family has to be that breadwinner and he’s probably hurt it isn’t him.

I do have to ask though - did you tell him you were going for this promotion in the first place? Surely you discussed it beforehand and I could imagine he was telling you how he felt then? So his lack of congratulations probably came from him telling you he’s not on board in the first place and you going for it anyway. Doesn’t make his attitude right, but it would explain his behaviour now

Pipsquiggle · 02/07/2026 06:19

Well done @Bigjob1234 this is a great opportunity for you.

Sounds like he doesn't have the same career values as you. How sad that he doesn't even recognize what a huge achievement this is.

Go for the job. Hopefully he will get onboard, if not, get a nanny

WrylyAmused · 02/07/2026 06:19

With everyone else - ask him why he hasn't congratulated you, and then suggest options: he gets a significantly better paying job to compensate for the salary increase you'd be turning down, or he says "That's amazing dear, you should absolutely go for it!" - he doesn't get to veto and also not contribute adequately/fairly (either financially or in taking his share of family life) to just stay comfortable where he is, relying on you to facilitate him.

Although in your circumstance I'd be taking the job regardless of what he says - it sounds like a fantastic opportunity, you should absolutely go for it!

JulietOscarBoring · 02/07/2026 06:21

I really hope you are still planning on taking the job! I’m angry on your behalf!

DozyCrow · 02/07/2026 06:21

I agree, he's only looking at this from a view of how it affects him. You'd surely be earning enough to hire a nanny or au pair to help with wrap around care and maybe some other jobs while the DC are at school.

2thumbs · 02/07/2026 06:22

This is not a defence of DH’s reaction, but how was the promotion presented to him? Setting aside relative contributions to the family unit, the promotion is upsetting the status quo of day-to-day life (in a way that you clearly understand but he may not), which is something that will need to be solved (ideally together).

If I was in his position, I would what to know (a) how life would change, and (b) what the possible solutions to that change might be (e.g. nanny, him changing his hours, etc), to be agreed together. If you have done (a) but not (b) then I can understand a certain of hesitation on his part (albeit he’s a shit for not congratulating you).

FoldItIn · 02/07/2026 06:30

SereneFinch · 02/07/2026 06:18

Have you discussed it with him? That he’s happy to take up all the slack with childcare and running the house while you’re travelling? Or have you just assumed he’ll get on with the donkey work, while working himself, while you do your dream job?

The OP is the one who works around the children now, why have you assumed any of what you have written? Did you take time to read the full OP?

SatsumaDog · 02/07/2026 06:30

Congratulations op! It’s no small thing to be offered a job like that.

Of course you should take it if it’s what you want and your DH should support you. You could employ someone to help with the children or your DH could look at reducing his hours.