To be annoyed SIL showed DS her lactating breast

[dodomin]

DS just turned 4 and he walked in on SIL breastfeeding. He asked what she's doing and she said this is how I feed the baby milk. All fine with me. She asked him if he wants to see and he said yes. So she squeezed her nipples to show milk come out. I feel like that is unnecessary.. I feel like even I wouldn't have done that if I was breastfeeding.

AIBU to feel annoyed. Yes, I understand breasts are not sexual and they're functional parts etc. But it is still taught as a private part to children and I just don't appreciate it.

He’s 4. Not 14.. get a grip

You’re being ridiculous.

Am I really? I'm a bit surprised. I don't have a problem with breastfeeding or feeding in public at all. But to squeeze your nipple to show a kid... That's the bit I find excessive. He also didn't ask to see it.

I kinda get what you mean. There’s nothing wrong with it but I guess it’s not something I’d ever do myself and especially not with a child
who’s not mine?

Breasts aren't solely a private part though, as you say yourself they are (primarily) a functional part of the body producing nutrition. Your SIL demonstrated this function to your child after he initiated a conversation about it. What exactly are you annoyed about? What effect do you think the demonstration will have had on him, aside from giving him a good understanding of the natural function of the human body?

I think part of it is that we are not close. She is my husband's sister. They do not have much of a relationship and she has met DS maybe 4 times ever.

Gosh I am with you OP. This seems inappropriate to me, although I’msure it was done with the best of intentions.
Let’s hope he doesn’t ask any other women if milk comes out their boobs if they squeeze them!!!
When he’s a teenager he’s going to remember this and be horrified!

He’s 4 and being shown how a baby is fed. She’s teaching him what’s normal. You could learn from her.

This!

YABVU & ridiculous.

I mean if DS was a girl and her uncle was weeing in the toilet and she said "what are you doing?" it would be inappropriate to be like "look this is where wee comes out of". That too serves a function.

I think showing him was excessive. Explaining it is not.

Nothing wrong with that. I remember seeing my cousin feeding her baby when I was little. It made sense, that was why women had things on their chests!

But a breast isn’t a penis, so it seems a slightly pointless comparison. I breastfed in public all the time, and I do not think it is akin to someone taking their penis out in a cafe.

Can you explain what you think the actual harm is?

You fed in public and that's fine. But you didn't squeeze your nipple in someone's face (other than your baby). Would you do that if a kid asked you what you were doing?

Your comparing gentials to breasts? You’re being ridiculous and weird.

You cannot be serious, comparing weeing and lactating to be equivalent. Good job your SIL showed him. Clearly he’s not going to learn from you!

It crosses a boundary for me. Fair enough with your own child, I suppose. But at that age we’re primarily teaching our children about keeping what’s under their clothes private. It confuses the issue. I can’t say I’ve ever heard of anyone doing this before!

Yes that’s fine but not what happened here, SIL could have stopped at the point of this how the baby gets milk. She then instigated showing a 4 year old herself squeezing her nipple to show milk coming out. That was not necessary at all and I agree OP it’s inappropriate and weird - and I am open about breastfeeding.

I'm with you OP. That's weird and a massive overstep.

Oh well , you don’t particularly like her and sounds like you won’t see her for a while anyway, so just move on.

I wouldn't have had a problem with that at all.

I wouldn't do it and I would have some discomfort with it, but I'm all for normalising breastfeeding, so I'd probably just cringe inwardly and let it go.

I remember, as a teen girl, visiting my mother's friend who just had a baby. I was shocked when the milk leaked, as it does early on. But I learned something that day, so wasn't shocked when it happened with my own baby a few years later. There's something to be said for being matter of fact about these things.

You are absolutely NBU - that's so weird. Reading it made me grimace. So so so unnecessary.

You omitted to say she squeezed her nipple in his face in your OP. Yes, that is weird.

What is not weird is having a conversation with a 4yo who is inquisitive and asking questions, wondering how things work.

Breastfeeding in public is really quite different though. Would you really ask your young nephew or niece if they wanted to see milk come out and proceed to squeeze your nipple to show them? That is what is odd behaviour.

I see absolutely nothing wrong. It’s great for a kid to learn about something like that. You are being completely ridiculous.