To be annoyed SIL showed DS her lactating breast

[dodomin]

DS just turned 4 and he walked in on SIL breastfeeding. He asked what she's doing and she said this is how I feed the baby milk. All fine with me. She asked him if he wants to see and he said yes. So she squeezed her nipples to show milk come out. I feel like that is unnecessary.. I feel like even I wouldn't have done that if I was breastfeeding.

AIBU to feel annoyed. Yes, I understand breasts are not sexual and they're functional parts etc. But it is still taught as a private part to children and I just don't appreciate it.

Agree with OP, it was totally unnecessary. She should have asked you first if she wanted to show him.

So to your own kids. Not to kids that are related by marriage?

It is boundary crossing to many of us.

I think when you’re in the breastfeeding era you can lose your perspective a bit. I had no qualms about feeding at family events or anywhere my baby needed feeding. I got pretty annoyed when my mother asked me to feed in another room because my sister in laws father was there. I thought it was ridiculous. Now, years later, I can’t imagine popping a breast out (although I was always very discreet) in front of all those people and I understand my mother’s request. But at the time I was just feeding my child and I felt no reason to hide it. I can understand your discomfort with it but I also think she was simply answering a child’s question, which often involves demonstrating. I would not assume any intent other than to help him understand.

Hell no. Explaining the process is fine but she crossed a line squeezing her breast without consulting with you first. I don’t care how natural it is that doesn’t give someone the right to do that in my opinion

It’s kinda cool though. Cool that we can produce food, and education. Little kids literally lap that stuff up! In some cultures your 4 year old would still be drinking your milk so it isn’t that weird, just in our culture it feels weird.

You're being utterly ridiculous

It's extremely unlikely he will remember, it's not very interesting for a small child. Only about as interesting as the 1000 other things they will be momentarily curious about that day anyway, most of which will be absorbed into general knowledge and the details forgotten.

My eldest only stopped breastfeeding when he was 4, people on MN were convinced he would remember it and freak out. I had two more children when he was 10 and 13 and with the youngest he asked how long children usually breastfeed for and I said it depends, DS1 said he didn't even know he was breastfed at all, just assumed he'd had milk from a bottle.

If you can’t tell the difference between a man peeing and a baby feeding then you’ve got bigger problems.

Weeing and breastfeeding are very different.

I am not saying there's no difference and I accept it wasn't the best analogy.

For those who do agree it was overstepping a boundary? How could I best communicate it to her?

Thank you for explaining it to DS but next time please no visual demonstrations 😅

SIL is out of order

You’re not being at all ridiculous. I have years of breastfeeding experience. I obviously fed younger siblings around the older ones. It
would never have occurred to me to give a close up nipple squeeze demo to my own child let alone someone else’s. I am no prude. It’s crossing a boundary and not her place to do so. She knows that hence the voice note. Not okay. Too intimate. Ick. If, for example, your child’s nursery teacher did that for “educational purposes” it would be a massive safe-guarding concern. Not okay.

Totally unnecessary. You have every right to feel pissed off .

I see your point to an extent but honestly I think it’s fine at 4. Clearly not at 14, but for a small child curious with no sexual feelings, I think it’s fine.in fact good for them to know.

you need to remember you see breasts as sexual as you’re a grown up, 4 year olds don’t see this, what they see is no different to seeing a cow getting milked.

Wow, that’s awful for you to go through. Times definitely have changed. I was very much a “whip the boobs out whenever” kind of mum (child is now 5) and never had anyone so much as bat an eyelid at me when I was feeding my son anywhere and everywhere. I never tried to hide it.

I still agree with OP that her SIL overstepped a boundary. Is it the end of the world? No. But it’s not appropriate. All she needed to say was that she was breastfeeding her baby, and baby gets milk this way. Unlatching baby to squeeze milk out of her nipple for the child to watch is not appropriate.

The arguing on this thread about cucumbers being sexual, and comments like the OP’s son with think the baby is “feeding on her flesh” if SIL hadn’t squeezed her nipple for him are absolutely batshit. Mumsnet at its finest. It’s a completely rational thing to think SIL overstepped a boundary and did something many would consider odd, even those of us who very openly breastfeed and have no problems with it.

That was completely unnecessary. I would simply ignore the voicenote if I were you. Or send her a thumbs up in response. Honestly I think she is hoping for you to react so she can get into a "omg it is a perfectly natural function what are you like" conversation with you. Don't respond.

For me it’s nothing to do with sex. That doesn’t enter my mind at all. I openly breastfed my child and have no issues with it whatsoever. I do think OP’s SIL was very odd indeed to unlatch her baby and squeeze her nipple for OP’s son to watch.

Given he walked in on her, it sounds like she wanted to make sure he understood what was happening. There's no rulebook on what to say when kids see things or ask questions, and if you're not comfortable with her being in proximity to him as you've suggested, why was he there and in a situation where he is on his own with her? To be frank if she's a new mum there's plenty of things he could have walked in on that could have been a bit awkward! What if she'd been changing a nappy and he'd started asking questions about body parts?

She sounds like an odd duck OP. I imagine this is only one example of many with her

I’m a huge BF advocate, but thinking about doing that with my 4 yo nephew? Nah. Not unless I’d discussed with his parents and they were ok with it. What a discussion though!
Happy for him to see me BF and see my breasts as I latch baby on and off as part of the process, but not actively demonstrate.

Creepy projection. What a weird, repellent and unacceptable post.

Reported.

That has to be the most stupid comparison I’ve ever heard !.
You’re making way too big a deal about this .
She’s all loved up with her new baby , leave her alone .
She showed your son where, & how the baby gets the milk , that’s all 🤷🏻‍♀️ , he’s 4 ,not a teenager where she gave him feelings of embarrassment.

Right. Anyone saying it was boundary crossing is having strange comments about sex shouted at them. It's such a bizarre over reaction and honestly disturbing.

So OP, yes it was boundary crossing, obviously.

Look out for her crossing other boundaries and of course you're in the right to think it was too much.

He was curious about what SIL was doing and now he knows how breastfeeding works because she expressed a little milk. What's the big deal?