To be annoyed SIL showed DS her lactating breast

[dodomin]

DS just turned 4 and he walked in on SIL breastfeeding. He asked what she's doing and she said this is how I feed the baby milk. All fine with me. She asked him if he wants to see and he said yes. So she squeezed her nipples to show milk come out. I feel like that is unnecessary.. I feel like even I wouldn't have done that if I was breastfeeding.

AIBU to feel annoyed. Yes, I understand breasts are not sexual and they're functional parts etc. But it is still taught as a private part to children and I just don't appreciate it.

I am with you too OP. Weird to squirt milk out at a 4 year old.

I do think those going bonkers on the thread shouting about how it’s natural and not sexual are the ones with an issue. I absolutely agree it’s natural, wonderful, not sexual. How that follows on to unlatching baby for your nephew to watch you squeeze milk out… I don’t get it.

I think most people (a Mumsnet vote on AIBU is so incredibly unrepresentative of reality, it’s meaningless) would know instantly that this is something you simply don’t do. A very easy thought experiment to help decide if it’s normal and acceptable to do what SIL has done, consider: have you ever, in your whole life, seen someone do the same?

I remember many occasions of little children asking me what I was doing when I was breastfeeding. I replied “I’m feeding my baby, this is how he gets his milk”. And that was the end of it. Further questions were for their parents. I’ve seen other children including my child at 3 and 4 asking the same question of breastfeeding friends. They all
answered similarly. Not once did anyone take their baby off to demonstrate.

Fortunately, those pointing out it is a boundary crossing issue have not gone bonkers at all.

Some are utterly fixated on the idea of it being sexual, but they are the ones screaming abuse at anyone factually and calmly pointing out that squirting milk from your nipple at a 4 year old child when his parents aren't present crossed a boundary.

One of them is so titillated (their own projection) about the notion and desperate to introduce a sexual element they tried abusively gaslighting me.

Hope this helps.

OK, maybe I'm going out on a limb here but I don't think that's terrible either. She's walked in on an uncle in the middle of a pee. Awkward - but if she asks what he's doing, she clearly hasn't yet learned that men/boys have penises and pee out of them. So it would be appropriate to explain.

Inappropriate to make a big deal out of it, but neither scenario portrays a big deal. No need to do the "Look ..." thing because she can already see what's happening. He should then inform her it's private and ask her to leave the room.

I think it's quite useful for a kid to see what comes out of a lactating nipple. Apart from anything else, leaks happen and the child who knows about it won't be freaked out.

It wouldn't be great, and there is always a bigger element of risk with men for obvious reasons, but yes it's a reasonable comparison. It's either a simple biological function or it's not, can't have it both ways.

Let's hope the kid doesn't get taken on a trip to the farm to see the cows getting milked eh @dodomin - I suppose you'd see that as akin to bestiality. Welcome to mammaldom!

Squirt at a 4 year old? Is that what happened? Or did she just let some into her hand or something?

FWIW, my mum did - let milk into the palm of her hand, and even let us taste it (cue squeals of horror on thread). Educational ... though I'd have a few qualms about the tasting, if not your own child or with prior permission.

Well, you know my child has seen our cat lick her own bum but I hated it when he walked in on me doing the same. I did say to him “welcome to mammaldom” but I don’t think that helped.

I reckon humans are fairly different from cows and there are some things we don’t do in front of our nieces and nephews. Milking ourselves being one of them.

Pretty sure I also showed my sister’s kids (which I know are blood relations before you point that out). Doesn’t bother me. Kids are curious and it’s just how the human body works, nothing to get excited about. Others may be more prudish - each to their own!

Oh dear, you nearly sounded reasonable there but had to lower yourself to calling a normal query about boundary crossing prudish.

Shame.

So yeah, she did overstep a boundary, and as she barely knows your child and you have not much of a relationship with her I wouldn't bother trying to explain it to her, just avoid her.

As you can see from this thread she will probably immediately start shouting about sexual things otherwise.

It’s a scale, like most things in life. What I consider to be acceptable (or normal) behaviour, others may not. I might think of them as being more prudish than me. It doesn’t have to be absolute.

And going back to the OP, my kids watched me express milk now I think about it. Don’t see an issue with that either but of course others may think that’s best done behind closed doors 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe she didn’t need to go as far as to show him her nipple but he asked a question and she answered honestly and factually. He absolutely understands it now though. He probably hasn’t even been bothered about it since as he completely understands it now. He’s her nephew and very young I wouldn’t worry.

@dodomin that is an incredibly far fetched attempt at a comparison, a male weeing v baby getting fed. It’s people like you who say you don’t have an issue with the natural way to feed a baby yet get prickly when it happens.

Originally you said that your DS responded yes when asked after his own curiosity as to whether he wanted to see how the baby was fed. Latterly you said your SIL shoved a nipple in his face, two very different scenarios. Which was it and what do you anticipate the potential risk to DS is?

Yes an explanation is fine. Would you be okay if he showed her the urine dripping from his penis or in full flow?
I don’t find OP’s scenario sexual just weird as fuck. Next Aunt will be explaining periods and popping in a tampon, sure it’s normal. 🙄

If it was ok kids would watch woman squirt out milk on a PowerPoint at school. It’s good to normalize breastfeeding but kids watch lambs feeding and understand the situation without needing a demonstration.

@LeopardPants No, you responded with the attempted shut down "prudish". I am afraid that invalidates your response.

It's fine to have questions as the OP did and it's fine for her to want to make it a boundary that a woman who has barely any relationship with her child doesn't squirt milk from her nipple at her child or in any way try to insert herself into teaching him about the facts of life, sex, breastfeeding etc.

As OP said, quite fairly that he "walked in on SIL breastfeeding. He asked what she's doing and she said this is how I feed the baby milk. All fine with me" she is not prudish and it is wrong and a poor tactic to try to classify her or others who have also agreed it is boundary crossing as such.

Fabulous post. 😂😂😂

this response is killing me 🤭

@Shutthedoorbehindyou that sounds like a good yoga teacher you have. Do you shut your own door when practising these risqué licking moves?

I'd just leave it, considering the absolute batshit and barmy responses on here shouting about sex, bestiality and more from those who want to pretend it wasn't boundary crossing..

Obviously, OP is right, the sister in law crossed a boundary, as she has barely any relationship with her and the woman barely knows her child, I'd just avoid her as much as possible in future. Far easier than trying to have an adult conversation, given some of the responses on this thread.

She should have stopped at telling your DS this is how I feed my baby. Absolutely no need to then squeeze her nipple to make milk come out.

I don't think its a healthy societal boundary/taboo, but it one, so I do think she was presumptuous in crossing it without parental approval.

Cows don’t have a concept of boundaries and what is and isn’t appropriate, so I don’t tend to take my standards from them. If my sister squeezed milk out of her breast for my child to watch, my first thought wouldn’t be “well, humans milk cows so…” Where is that thought meant to lead? The cows aren’t milking themselves. Hang on sis, let me
milk you for my son to watch so it’s less weird.

Very odd to justify OP’s SIL’s choice to do this by saying her son might see cows milked on a farm. Cows don’t feature in my weighing up whether or not it’s odd behaviour. It’s odd behaviour by human standards.

Why don't you consider it a healthy taboo?