To be annoyed SIL showed DS her lactating breast

[dodomin]

DS just turned 4 and he walked in on SIL breastfeeding. He asked what she's doing and she said this is how I feed the baby milk. All fine with me. She asked him if he wants to see and he said yes. So she squeezed her nipples to show milk come out. I feel like that is unnecessary.. I feel like even I wouldn't have done that if I was breastfeeding.

AIBU to feel annoyed. Yes, I understand breasts are not sexual and they're functional parts etc. But it is still taught as a private part to children and I just don't appreciate it.

@dodominNo, I’m with you that’s extremely inappropriate! I’d not leave DS with her unsupervised again

Its amazing we ever made it out of the caves and didn't all die of shock and horror over each other bodies.

It wouldn't bother me personally but everyone has different boundaries. I'd probably want to clear it with the child's mum first.

Is she also planning to show him how blood comes out of her nethers when she has a period? Because that is natural as well.

That's how DH and I are feeling.

I can see how split the thread is and each to their own I think. But many PPs have articulated certain aspects well that I couldn't

For us the nipple squeezing to show him crossed a boundary. And I think yes our history of things probably did impact our feelings. But I would ultimately still be annoyed if it was say my own sister that did it.

Ppl saying best to clear it with Mum.....how the heck does that even work?

Telephone: Hello Sandra, SIL here - just got your Johnny with me. He's asking about breastfeeding. Just wanted to clear it with you that it's ok for me to give him the full live demonstration, and not just a verbal explanation. I want to show him how I roll my nipple between my thumb and finger - so he can actually see the milk coming out. Ah you don't mind, Lovely, didn't think you would Sandra! See you later!

🤣🤣

It's obviously not something you do with someone else's child.

Yes, I agree with this.
I think it was inappropriate.

I would hope his mum has already covered that with him. Mine always used to accompany me to the toilet as so knew about periods from an early age.

I dont really see the big deal

My kids (one male one female) know what periods are. But they have never seen me (or any other lady) actively pull her pants down and show the blood coming out. That is disturbing.
We also teach that toilets are private space. I don’t go in front of others. There is plenty you can explain without a live demo.

I'm surprised at some of the responses, given that Mumsnet is the natal home of "boundaries". Surely most posters would hope their SIL (or anyone else) would check to make sure that the demonstration was OK.

I don’t think it’s a big deal, and wouldn’t have occurred to me in the SiL’s position that an explanatory voice note was remotely necessary. I regularly saw my aunts/my mum breastfeeding when I was growing up - as well as getting changed/in the bath etc. and would be similarly unconcerned by nudity around my own nieces and nephews, or my children seeing my siblings.

What I do think is telling is the way that people who don’t like the sound of the behaviour have distanced the aunt’s relationship with the child by calling her “not a blood relation” or “an aunt by marriage”. The OP clearly said it was her husband’s sister, so a close blood relation to the child. Just because she’s only related by marriage to the OP doesn’t diminish her connection to her own nephew.

@Livingonbananabread "I regularly saw my aunts/my mum breastfeeding when I was growing up "

But the OP was fine with the breastfeeding bit. She didn't like her SIL giving her son a demonstration. In other words showing him her nipple and squeezing milk out of it.

Yes - I’m sure I must have received similar demos! Lots of younger siblings/cousins, lots of medics in the family….everyone pretty matter of fact about breast functionality!

It's weird that you think breastfeeding is sexual.

It isn't sexual, so doesn't need to be hidden from young dc.

It is not, but breasts are.

When we talk to our boys (and girls) about breasts I'm pretty sure we're not just talking about BF, but instead talk about both functions.

That would be a strange conversation. I just cannot imagine raising that with my SIL! IF my young son had been asking aunt such questions then I'd steer him back to his parents.

Re communicating it to her maybe something like “No issue with you breastfeeding in our house and DS seeing it but please don’t give a visual demonstration again. If he has any questions I’m happy to give him a verbal explanation”

She responded oddly. Some people are strange like that. Normal functioning people would manage to navigate that situation without squeezing their nipple. She sounds like one of those where you’re constantly rolling your eyes and saying “god you’ll never believe what Jean’s gone and done now”

And if the OP already dislikes her and doesn't trust her, why was her four year old in a position to wander in on her in the first place, when the OP presumably isn't there (given that the SIL told her by text)
IMO normal functioning people dont spend their time gossiping and being critical of what others are doing though, so perhaps your view of normal and functioning isn't as widely accepted as you think.

No I don’t think that’s it. I’m pretty sure the nipple squeezing one is the oddball.

Teaching moment to a suitably aged child.

You are massively overthinking. It's normal and natural and she did the right thing treating it as such. He will grow into a better man because of it imo.

@Runningswanker "SIL hasn't gone out of her way to educate him, she's responded in the moment when he's walked in and seen her."

But she did go out of her way! The boy walked in and sees her breastfeeding. He asks what she's doing and she says "feeding the baby". No problem. But she then shows him her nipple and squeezes milk out of it. The boy didn't ask to see that and her original reply was quite sufficient without checking with his mum.

Perhaps the OP or her DH should be supervising their child then, instead of letting them wander into rooms where breast feeding mums have gone for privacy. What if the mum had been in there expressing?